Good morning everyone! Steel yourselves for some serious over-sharing!

Almost 11 years ago, I found out my dad was a cross-dresser. He sleep walks when he drinks (which is regularly and heavily, but considering the isolation he probably feels, I can't say I blame him), and slept-walked into my room while dressed up. I snooped later that week and found the breast inserts, dresses, makeup, and a journal (I didn't read past page one). He doesn't know that I know, and to my knowledge, I'm the only one who does know. I've waited all these years for him to bring it up. I didn't want to push him or force him to "out" himself to me; I figured that knowing how passionate I am about social activism (mostly LGBT equality, feminism, immigration reform), he would know that his being a cross dresser doesn't change the way I feel about him (except maybe to elicit more empathy/compassion on my part). The only thing that EVER bothered me about his CD was that he felt so alienated and shamed that he felt he couldn't be honest with me about who he is.

Here's the thing, I recently started a program for recovery from childhood trauma (nothing to do with his CD; a lot to do with being left with mom and her 5 subsequent husbands because my dad was pretty close to "absentee" status). I suffer from PTSD. I chose to self-medicate for the last 11 years (alternating between 4 or 5 choices to avoid physical dependence), but as my child-bearing years rapidly approach, I knew I had to face the issues without crutches. I never hit "rock bottom" with the drugs, I have always been high-functioning, and suffered no withdrawals when I stopped using. For this reason, I chose trauma recovery over drug recovery (attack the root, not the result). Anyways, part of my recovery is to confront people that I feel aided or ignored my victimization, and to expose myself to trauma-triggers until I can face them without panic attacks/flashbacks/relentless nightmares. I also need to be honest and tell him that he will not be walking me down the aisle (not because of CD, because he invited his "friend" who caused about 40% of my trauma- which my dad never believed-to his last wedding. I'll be damned if I allow him to be a part of mine.) While I'm at it, I should probably tell him that any future children will not be allowed unsupervised grandpa visits (again, not the CD, but the aforementioned negligent care-taking).

I wanted to confront both of these issues during the same conversation, just because I don't think I can mentally handle two separate conversations of this... magnitude? My concerns are as follows: 1) I don't want him to think that my bringing up CD in the same conversation as my resentment/anger towards him is indicative of a causal link between the two. The opposite is true- I'm hoping that by discussing CD, I can add a positive hi-light to an otherwise dark conversation, and 2) Is it wrong/damaging to confront someone with their CD? This one has been a real struggle for me. I don't like the idea of him feeling isolated, like he can't be himself, like no one really knows him. But at the same time, I don't want to alienate him by forcing the issue.

Obviously, this is a lot more complicated than just discussing CD. And while I realize most of you may not be able to identify with all of my story, I'm hoping that as CDs, you will at least be able to give me some perspective.

-Liz