In my situation my wife and I explored wearing some bedroom play garments; floor length nightgowns, stockings and garter belt. It was strictly bedroom play. It was a treat and not something done all the time. Then, I bought some panties and slips. But, the BRA really turned her totally off. It was then and forever "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." She could not wrap her head around the thought of any man wanting to wear a bra if he has nothing to "pack" into it. We had the "talk" and for the last forty years it has been DADT. She knows I cross dress, but, I know she does not know the extent of it.
And I less of a man? No. The cross dressing just does not fit the man she was attracted to, dated, and married. For our marriage I always worked, supported her and my kids, etc. I do all those manly things she was attracted to. I've also done some manly things none in her family have done. She knows about them, as some of them did impact our marriage on occasion. It's kind of interesting that a woman readily accepts a man who has engaged in mortal combat and has been wounded physically and emotionally,but, rejects the small sliver of him that is not "manly."
