Leigh started a thread about tough decisions, and Tink made the response below.

I didn't want to hijack the thread, so I started my own.

Quote Originally Posted by Tinkerbell-GG View Post
But that's the problem - most wives never meet the 'whole person' until many years later. If they had, they might have made the decision not to continue the relationship and spared everyone this heartache. Read the thread in Loved Ones asking GGs if they'd have married their H if they'd known all the facts about his crossdressing. Most, including myself, said no.

So are we wives really selfish? Or did we just never get the opportunity to choose the spouse and life we really wanted? That's an incredibly confronting thing to realise after many years of marriage. I don't know much about Leigh's situation, but if she came out to her wife after many years, then her wife's identity must be shattered. As now is Leigh's, by permanently purging this side of herself.

There are no winners here But, as Sara Jessica pointed out, full honesty at the very start of a relationship usually prevents this situation.
Well I have a counterpoint to that. Maybe women don't fully disclose issues to their future husbands. Below, you can see real examples from my 36 year marriage. Some of these were only disclosed to me within the last few years. Several years after my wife discovered my crossdressing.

I understand where you're coming from, but I look at the other side of the coin. Why is it the CD that has to come clean before marriage? Why not the wife also.

Should my wife have told me that she wasn't really excited about having sex before we got married.

Should she have told me that the reason that she wasn't all that excited about sex because of some incidents that took place when she was a child? She probably thought she got over it, but maybe she just convinced herself that it wouldn't affect her as an adult.

That would be about the same as me convinving myself that CDing was just a fetish and would go away once I was married.

Before we were even married 2 years, my wife was diagnosed with MS, and we've been making accommodations to live with MS for the last 34 years. Yes, I understand that MS is a sickness, but I believe that her MS has been a much more negative aspect of our marriage than my CDing.

What's the expression. "As goes the goose, so goes the gander."