Can we truly stop? (All responses welcomed)

[Marcelle]

Seriously...We need to stop denying all other forms just because it doesn't fit yours.. Definition..http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/addiction

Hi Lucy,

I am assuming this is aimed at me? Firstly I am not denying anything or trying to make it "fit" my definition. I am providing a counter argument to RD's questions. Besides are you not doing the same thing? Here is my definition and it is right on? Funny thing about definitions, you can find a million of them on the internet. I will point out that your definition speaks to the addiction causing "trauma". I have never felt any trauma from CDing. This thread is not about "who is right or who is wrong" it is about discourse and discussion. You are more than welcome to express your POV "it is an addiction" and I would expect the same politeness of being able to counter that view with polite discussion.

First, I don't think one answer fits all. People crossdress for different reasons and the intensity varies among individuals . . . If IT is an integral part of a personality, then we have to define "IT". Is it a female identity (TS)? If so, then why is it acceptable to have a male body and a male life? Or is it a thing for clothes (for some) or for femininity (for others)? Wanting to be feminine is quite different than having a female gender identity . . . Or is it an identity not as a TS but as a crossdresser in its own right (a male who dresses)? If so, then again can we say there is a female gender identity involved? I mean, do crossdressers really have Gender Dysphoria (a conflict between physical sex and gender identity), if they do not wish to make any changes to their bodies and they are happy in their male lives?

And for the life of me I cannot understand the late bloomers, the ones who say they had no clue before their 40s, 50s, or even 60s, although I do understand having repressed this for years and perhaps having it come out only in fantasy until such point when it could no longer be repressed.

PS. Willpower plays no part in recovering from addictions to drugs or alcohol, and sex, porn, over-eating, gambling, shopping, or other compulsions if the compulsions are severe.

Hi Reine,

I agree that no one reason for CDing fits all people who do so and we each have our own reasons for starting and some can, may and will stop at some point in their lives. I think you are on the right path when you talk about identity. Do I identify as a "woman"? No, I identify as a male (my gender). But the other question is what is gender identity? Is it about your physical sex? How you present to world? How you act, talk, walk? I believe (and I cannot speak for any TS folk) that for them it is about not being the correct biological sex and having to correct that in order to be who they were meant to be. My identity is male, I was born male, am happy male and will die male. But identity is not a singularity and we all take on various identities in our life. There is "boy me", "military me", "husband me", "sports me" and "girl me" however the core of my identity is the same "me" and each of these identities make up who I am. Do I have some form of gender dysphoria? It is possible and my therapist tends to agree that I manifest some aspects of mild GD. Does it mean I need to transition or will transition? In my case no. Just because you have it does not mean you will immediately transition. For me, I have been able to find balance between the identities (including Isha) and bring them into harmony. I do like the concept of "dual gendered" and perhaps since all CDers are not alike it is plausible that some have a CD identity which is integral and hence the reason why some even though they may never transition, will suffer emotional distress if they give that part of themselves up.

As for late bloomers, you may not get it and to be honest is still baffles me However, don't discount repression for whatever reason. I may have always known at some deep level but chose to ignore it and quell it with life. it doesn't mean it wasn't there . . .it was just dormant waiting for a trigger event. My therapist believes that my own understanding of mortality due to combat probably was the trigger. Specifically, my probability of dying was very high (came close once five years ago) and my psyche had to wrestle with "have I really truly lived my life to the fullest should I depart this mortal coil tomorrow?" This may have been the catalyst to bring this identity to the forefront five years ago as a small flickering flame of emotion only to grow into a firestorm last year. The mind is a funny place

Hugs

Isha