How do you "become" a woman?

[Dianne S]

That may be true. But I don't see how loved ones are supposed to differentiate between such strong denial and late onset transsexuality.

As you say, there's not much point in distinguishing. Late-onset or late-realization transexuality or whatever you call it is utterly devastating for the spouse. It's no less devastating than if her husband was diagnosed with cancer.

I feel horrible for my wife; she is going through a very difficult time. At the same time, so am I. I didn't ask to be trans and I wouldn't choose to be trans, but it is what it is and we need to deal with it.