I'm 21 years old and a male. I have an obsession. I literally feel the compulsive urge sometimes to wear panties/dresses. I hate myself for it, but I feel like if I can put on the clothes for an hour and climax, the need goes away. The problem is I live with my parents and my brother and they will literally give me crap about it , which takes away the whole thrill. I do want to present as a male in public for now though,
Should I like work hard to get my own place where I'll feel free from everyone. The thoughts of arousal are in my head literally all the time. I used to have a fetish with diapers, but I found that when I allowed myself to feel good and sleep in them, the thrill kinda went away for me, now it's women's clothing. I used to really hate myself for it, but I find that the more I try to suppress it, the more I get thoughts of suicide, etc. I really hate myself for this, but I do feel that it is a part of who I am in some way, sexually.
` I then read about people who have urges to have sex with children ,kill people, steal, etc and realized that this is pretty harmless I guess. I also really sympathize with those people now because I realize that the pain I feel is probably nothing compared to them. I'm just so scared that one day I'll push this whole thing too far. Right now, a sex change literally isn't an option for me. I don't even really care about shaving legs, etc. Will feeding my desire to dress around the house feed my urges?
I know it can't really be answered because it's all me, but I'd like to hear some experiences of self acceptance and the ability to live also as a male at will on the outside world. The ability to switch is VERY important to me and I don' really want to develop some sort of "stimulation" addiction.
