I'd be interested in other late-onset thoughts on this. I discovered really late (54) my gender ID, but it makes sense of my life in a way I'd never have realised before. It was my body telling me all that time, and even now, that my mind would not let even the smallest thought through.
My body would sabotage male activities - pulled muscles, eyesight, sickness being lifelong examples. Every fitness and strength activity would fail and fall off for these reasons. Then there is the simple act of shaving, something i always detested. The male razors clog up with bristles and I get cut, but the female razors stay clean and don't cut me. My old clumsiness with male clothes contrasted with my new delicacy with female clothes. My skin loves the female clothing and detested the touch of the male clothing. I had chronic fatigue and subtle depression as a male, and none of this now female.
Even my car choice, turns out it's a woman's car; the footrest by the clutch is perfect fit for heels/wedges but not for male shoes. My feet prefer the female sandals/shoes/heels. The podiatrist recommended heels for my ankles' benefit. I could go on, but you get the point. The question is whether other late-onset TS also found the feminine deeply repressed, to the extent that only body signals or something similar left any hint to see the truth?
It's deeply unconscious because of lifelong conflict with my sister. It made me make myself appear more masculine/boy-like as a child to contrast/be different to her. I was rejecting what actually, deeply within, is what I most strongly desired. Finally, now I do have peace with my sister, and acceptance from both of them for me as a new sister to them.
xxx Pam
