I used to have crossdresser denial

[RainbowDash]

When I started dressing up as Princess Peach Toadstool from the Mario Brothers video games at age 32, surprisingly I did not even know what a crossdresser was. Whatever the case, all I knew was that I liked dressing up like a princess, and felt tremendously good when I did it too. It never occurred to me that I was actually crossdressing. Before Princess Peach became my favorite video game character, I liked Bowser Koopa more, and my best friend knew this. One day I asked him what his reaction would be if I were dressed up as Peach, and then Bowser came after me to kidnap me. I did not let on to him that I had her outfit and had worn it many times before. He wondered if I was a crossdresser, and since I didn't know what one was at the time, I said no. But I knew how he might react if he saw me dressed up like a girl.
A few years later, I was working at the movie theatre when "Sex and the city 2" came out. A lady from a women's clothing store in our shopping mall was there for the occasion and was handing out 10% off coupons. I was joking when I asked "Where's mine?". The lady asked if I wanted one, and I quickly replied "No thank you.". She said "Are you sure? We get a few of those in the store too." I realized she was talking about crossdressers, but I politely declined and told her I wasn't into it. Sure I liked to dress up as Princess Peach, but that didn't mean I was a crossdresser myself, did it?
Well not too long after that, I suddenly began to think about how it might be interesting to put on women's clothing, just to see what it was like. But I did not feel comfortable going into a shop and doing this, for the obvious fear that I would be made fun of. Still I was not sure whether or not I was a crossdresser, but I wanted to at least try it out. I wished I had taken her up on her offer, but I could not remember what store she worked at. Every time I was in the shopping area, I was constantly reminded of that day, and how I regretted not doing it. I began to think I was going to go through life never getting the opportunity to crossdress, and I so badly wanted to. I felt like I was really missing out on something real special that was trying to open its doors to me and invite me in, but because of my fear I kept closing that door and went on with life, all the while feeling a little depressed because of it.
That's when I found the crossdresser store which I currently shop at now, and a whole new chapter in my life opened up for me. Still, if I hadn't been in denial about being a crossdresser, I could have gotten an earlier start in life sometime in my late 30's, rather than starting at 42. Also maybe by now I'd have enough courage to go into a store and try stuff on, rather than just buying it online. I still have not gotten to that point yet.