I've noticed reading, and watching youtube that often crossdressers grow up with some girl in their life that helps inspire their dressing in some way. Was that the case for you?
I was the first born son in my extended family, a couple years later followed my brother. Then a string of cousins, every year or so, 6 in total and every one a boy. It was obvious that all the women of the family were just a bit disappointed with the lack of girls, they weren't overt about it, but things would slip. I remember my Grandma once joking about wishing she could put me in an Easter dress. On one side of the family no girls ever showed up until my cousins started having kids then it was nothing but girls. On the other side of the family I eventually had a girl cousin when I was around 13 and my grandma finally had that girl to spoil, I was so much older that I don't think it had a big impact on me, but I do remember being somewhat jealous of all the attention she got.
My Mom had wanted to have another baby and my Dad didn't, as usual my Dad won out, I was sure that my Mom wanted another to try for a girl, and I was always really sad for her and the rest of us that my Dad had been so adamant about it. I remember sitting at my Mom's vanity and combing out my hair in as girly way as possible and sort of wishing that I had been a girl.
I didn't have a super strong urge to crossdress back then, and no way to really experiment. I wasn't about to go buy girl clothes with what little money I had. If there had been a sister or girl cousins I'm sure that I would have at least stolen some panties.
