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Silver Member
Mistaking resignation and tolerance for acceptance
My wife didn't learn of my crossdressing until years after we met. I wasn't trying to hide it, it had just been dormant for a long time and I naively thought it was a thing of my past.
Over the six plus years since my wife learned of my crossdressing and gender issues there have been many changes in the extent to which I have been able to express this part of me.
At first I wondered if our relationship would even be able to weather the storm. Since then I have slowly been able to expand my horizons so to speak, to the point where I now have quite a bit of freedom. She still prefers not to see me dressed (though she has) but I dress all day on my work from home days which is about 3 or 4 days per week, I go out and about about twice per month in full female mode and I don't have to hide my things, they hang in my closet alongside my drab stuff.
It seems like a fairly regular occurrence for me to experience some kind of positive feedback from my wife with regard to my dressing. For instance on a recent day we were doing some Christmas shopping and upon entering a department store there was a display of women's shoes immediately inside. I glanced over at them and my wife immediately asked me if I wanted to go look at shoes. There was no sarcasm or snarkiness involved, it was a genuine question. Also lately we have been discussing the possibility of moving at some point and whenever this subject comes up one new house requirement my wife always brings up is having some kind of space for me to dress.
So all of this time I have been interpreting all of this as signs of her increasing acceptance.
All of this though has recently been tempered by two statements she has made in the last two weeks. Once in therapy and once in general conversation. In both instances she stated that she really doesn't like it and never will.
Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part that her acceptance level has been growing when in actuality she has been becoming increasingly resigned to it all. I will forever feel a great deal of guilt for having pulled her into this.
I think it's high time for some deeper discussion of these recent statements to try to figure out what we can do going forward. We have a great relationship and I love her. It's not fair for her to hide her feeling away just to spare mine.
I guess I don't really have any questions here, I'm just thinking out loud so to speak. I fully understand her position and it's probably a good reality check for me to not take anything for granted going forward and to remember to appreciate everything I have.
Elizabeth
Last edited by Elizabeth G; 01-11-2023 at 09:09 AM.
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