My tendency to need a more feminine presentation began in my fifties after decades of feeling ignored as man, other than as a provider. I am sure that the motivation for crossdressing is as varied as the number of crossdressers, but for me, "all things feminine" isn't an imitation of what nature hasn't given me. Feminine expression has given me a sense within myself, even if no one else sees it, of feeling special in a way that I was never made to feel as a man.Originally Posted by ReineD
I see "special" when I look in the mirror when I am a man with feminine presentation. I see "special" when I see photos of myself dressed. I have virtually NO memories of feeling special as a "masculine" man. I still feel the internal specialness of being a man and would not change that fact. But, that specialness has been an internally driven sense of satisfaction. I have no desire to be a woman or present as a woman, but I have a strong desire to claim the feeling that my wife has enjoyed her whole adult life, as an attractive woman.
It's much the same way with my adopting feminine cues for myself. I considered myself to be decent looking as a young man, but a total lack of validation and some added betrayal for more than a decade make it very hard to value a strictly male presentation. There's very little about a masculine aesthetic that feels special at this point. Utilitarian maybe, and even adequate, but not special.
