My experiment...

[pocoyo]

Even though I am longing to just declare to the world "I'm a boy gettit?" and transition. I feel I must check.
Yes I have been a boy/been a girl/been a boy/been a girl/been a secret hybrid etc. through my life but I never realised I was FtM before. I only realised there were others like me, and that people can transition, over the last few years.

I am pulled so strongly to just become a boy but... at the moment I am growing my hair so that I can "give it another go" (being a girl)... sort of like one last shot at being that young lady that my family & friends know and love. (Even though it will be frustrating when people are seeing me as a proper girl).

It's ok to have long hair because at least I can look piratey/rock dude etc but obviously with my quite girly/pretty features it's better for me to have emo/skatery/shorter floppy hair.

*sighs* so I am trying to become a cool looking/slightly androgynous girl for a while (albeit one that doesn't like having a girl shaped body).
It hurts but is probably necessary.

Yeah, I'm still confused.

And as a lot of you know I am probably havin' to meet my "perfect" (looking and talented) possible half-brother over the next couple of weeks. I recently declared to his dad that I am transgender. I do not want to feel all girly next to them but as usual I am confused as to how to present myself to the world..... they'd like me better if I was girly, but I'd feel really inferior.

So I'll probably go as some sort of androgynous person (which isn't me) as a sort of compromise.

I'm longing to just get my hair whopped off a bit shorter (like the hairstyle in my current avatar) though, and go all boyish and cheeky... I am so so SO tempted. Oh man. I want to get it cut like, today!

My mum would be so sad if I cut my hair off again after promising I'd grow it too.
Well.. it's nearly long now (I'm lucky that it grows fast).
Perhaps I should just grin and bear it... the sooner I get to looking all girly, the sooner I can tell if it feels right and whether I should just go with my boyishness.
Maybe I could just have it cut today then get hair extensions.. Heh.

Ooh, I need some guidance and a hug.

*sighs*