20 YO son

[Carin]

I posted last week about telling my 17 YO daughter. I won't repeat the history, but if you are following our story .. next chapter.

Our now 20 YO son had a rough youth that left many scars. We adopted him when he was 12. He has exhibited an intolerance against homosexuality. As a parent we have a duty to restore a sense of balance and tolerance for other people.

Louise and I were siting around this morning and he joined us and we had some discussions about his studies, attitudes etc. At one point he said that he was a lot more mature than he used to be. I was inclined to agree, Louise looked at me and nodded, and so it was time to put it to the acid test - reality. So I told him I had something to say that was hard for me to explain.

I knew he did not understand the difference between Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. So I spent considerable time explaining the difference. He stayed with me as I continued to explain Gender Identity variation and how it existed between the ears. And then... "So here is the deal, I am on that gender spectrum, between my ears I am part female." Then more explanations. Then "here is the bottom line, I am a transvestite. I am a crossdresser. ... All of my clothes were bought of the women's rack. ... My toes are painted. (Showing him)".

He stayed with the whole conversation, in a very 'matter of fact' kind of way. "Am I the first to know (no)... Am I the last to know (no). When you explain it like that it is easier to understand... OK I get it." The subsequent conversation was very matter of fact. A few more details about how Louise felt, who else knows, our caution in having this discussion before the kids were able to deal with it etc. More history etc.

He had noticed a couple if clues over time but just dismissed them. Now he gets it. He said that it would have been a big shock a couple of years ago, but he has changed his attitudes.

Oh yea, he has matured.

I have said it before. It feels so right to drop barriers and share our life reality within our family, and to receive respect and maturity from them in the way that they deal with it. And life goes on. We are so proud of him.

There are two more boys to go. They are away at school but they will not be left out. Stay tuned...

[Holly]

Carin, this whole series has been inspirational. You have a remarkable family... but then you already know that.

[uknowhoo]

That's so wonderful to hear, Carin. You, Louise and your family are a source of inspiration to many. Thanx so much for posting. xoxo Tammi

[SandyR]

Very cool Carin.

As I am reading this I am thinking "no way am I telling my daughter"...So I continue to read your post, Im feeling my legs and think "really bad shave today". heheh.

Thanks for taking on this son of yours, I think he will turn the corner, and God bless you both for carring enough to be honest.....Not sure I could do it.

Hugs,,,,you rock.

SandyR

[BarbaraTalbot]

Wow, inspired parenting, and courageous disclosure. How nicely he has matured, indeed.

[Angie G]

Carin you have one great family there hun you and your wife can be proud
Angie

[Carin's Wife GG]

I feel totally disoriented. I have lived for 15 years protecting my children about Carins dressing. I did not want anyone of them to find out unexpectedly. With this particular son I had a great deal of worries. I was ready for him to regect my husband and maybe our family. Boy was I wrong!

Every one of the kids who now know (4) have recieved the information with such grace and maturity, it really does astound me! The twins will know very soon and I am sure they will be as understanding and graceful as the others. (Our littlest one Ben is developmentaly disabled and this conversation would confuse his rather sheltered life. He lives with his Dad and I and all is accepted by him, in his own way).

Carin told me today that much of my own parenting of our family is really coming to a fruition of sorts. This level of acceptance from our children is a manifest of what we have been trying to teach each one of them through the years.

Yes, I cried today. I was/am so proud of our son and of Carin!



Louise.

[Sally24]

Isn't it cool when your kids turn into the kind of people that you like? The world needs more people like that.

[Fab Karen]

Growing up in a healthy family with enlightened parents, I envy those kids of yours.

[Satrana]

Yup, this is what real parenting is all about, passing on the correct morals so that children mature into responsible, understanding adults. Congratulations for both of you for raising a big family the right way even if they are a pain in the ass at times

You know, children are not naturally intolerant. They are usually shy but once that is overcome they welcome everybody with open arms and ignore all the silly stuff like race, religion etc. They learn intolerance from others and it is up to parents to overcome this and keep them pointing in the right direction.

[Carin's Wife GG]

Yup, this is what real parenting is all about, passing on the correct morals so that children mature into responsible, understanding adults. Congratulations for both of you for raising a big family the right way even if they are a pain in the ass at times

You know, children are not naturally intolerant. They are usually shy but once that is overcome they welcome everybody with open arms and ignore all the silly stuff like race, religion etc. They learn intolerance from others and it is up to parents to overcome this and keep them pointing in the right direction.

when he was being intervied for his football career! He said he felt he had an advantage on a lot of other kids his age because he was brought up in a diverse family and in a family that is very accepting. My twins were the only star football players who are also competative cheerleaders! And their football friends wold come to their cheer meets and cheer them on! They have a # of friends who are gay and one right now who is a cross dresser. The twins are the last to know about their dad simply because they are away at school. We hops they are coming up in the next week and Carin will have the conversation with them. I have no doubt that it will be a good and intinate conversation.



Louise.