Can one be happy as a cder only at home forever???

[charllote34]

Everybody is differant and what is good for one dosent follow for another

[prettieboy]

I hope no one is offended by this question, but my spouse has said that dressing at home and not going out (with the exception of maybe going to a meeting of other cders) would suit him forever - he has no desire to tell the family or dress 24/7 - but I'm just wondering how many others have said or been told these same things only to decide otherwise down the road (I mean it took almost 12 years for him to completely share this with me, so whose to say in another 12 years.....) COMMENTS/THOUGHTS LADIES?????

ive never been out to anyone its the best

[PantyBoots]

I am happy only dressing at home. Of course, I only wear panties and boots and lingerie. I would like to have a more private home to go outside dressed up like that with just woods around and no neighbors, but I don't right now. If I did wear female clothes in public, however, it would probably be a top, either a skirt or jeans, and boots. I love boots. But I would rather find a babe dressed up like that then to be dressed up like that myself.

[Sedona]

I'm very happy doing the home thing (did so this past week), and my girlfriend is cool with it. Still, I have gathered so many cool dresses, that'd be nice to go out for special events on occasion.

Cheers,

[sterling12]

I think Sherri answered your question about as well as could be expected. I too, would have to tell you "Maybe." Your Hubby is not an inanimate object. People are always evolving and changing.

What was truth today, may be a different situation in the future. Ask yourself a simple question: "Are you changing as a human being, everyday in a lot of small ways?" OK, so why would you expect anything different from someone else?

Now, to answer what I believe is your real question. I'm involved with Tri-Ess, and it seems like the major question we get from wives and Girlfriends is: "Will he decide he really likes this, will he decide to become a woman and leave me and the kids?"

The answer is, "usually not." I can't lie about it, I have seen at least one extreme case where the person went from a lifetime of dressing up at home to SRS, within one year, once they got out and found they were "changing" into something more. But, for about 98% of the gurl's, and for a lot of reasons, they are content with the CD. So yes, your husband could, "move on down the road," but it's not likely!

Hope this answer helps. I can't give you absolute assurances.....but, you knew that already!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Jazzmine]

Everybody changes and grows over time and a CD is no different, thank goodness. Ongoing good communication with your SO will alert you to any changes he desires and hopefully he will keep you informed.
Other than that just enjoy his happiness that you undoubtedly bring him by accepting him as he is!
Hugs Jazzmine

[Lisa Golightly]

I've met many stay at home kids and they are very content... Not everyone who partakes of wine is an alcoholic... *pulls guru-like face of knowledge*

[Chloe Jean]

For a long time Being a stay at home lady was enough for me. Coming home slipping into something femmy and putting on makeup is so relaxing and fun. Lately the desire to go out en femme has been growing stronger - I mean a girl likes a certain amount of attention. I don't own a car so that makes going out to Cd clubs difficult.
Hugs
Chloe

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

Many of us can be fulfilled living full time at home.

[sami1952]

I tried being a home cder,but being the person that i am, i set my limits a little bit higher.I needed to prove to myself that if i was going to be a cder, i would have to be able to go out in pulbic and i have and i feel beteer about myself because i don't have to hide it anymore. Try it ,you might like it.

[battybattybats]

Interesting question with an easy answer.

Yes.. for some but no for others.

There are other questions though.
Should a CD have to be happy with just dressing at home or is it ok for them to want or need to go out.

I'd say the answer would be that it should be ok for them to want to go out. There isn't anything intrinsically wrong with wanting to go out dressed is there? Sure there may be difficulties. Sure there may be the risk of being outed which should be taken into consideration but need that be prohibitive?

The next question then should be is there a reasonable and responsible way to do so.

I'd say sure, if the CD doesn't need or want to be 'out' as a CD but wants to CD in the world outside then they could compromise by traveling a reasonable distance away from home when they want to dress so they won't likely run into anyone that could recognise them. Certainly 'safe' places would also be a good idea.

Now what if the CD feels the need to march for CD rights?

That is quite important but if still closeted then it could be done away from their hometown.

I think it's likely that a good number of CDs would be perfectly happy only dressing at home for the rest of their lives. I also think that there are lots who wouldn't be,k who couldn't be. Plenty may change their minds in either direction over the course of their lives too, just like anyone else about anything else.

Importantly I think that their could always be found some compromise that will enable them to achieve the happiness they desire whether it's at home or in the outside world.

[DonnaT]

I suggest taking him at his word, but not holding him to it. People change, sometimes, sometimes not. There are some things we honestly feel to be true, based on past and current experiences, but all is not written in granite.

For me, I always wanted to be out. As a kid, I would dress and go into the back yard. From there, I could not see the street, and had no idea if one of my four brothers, friends or parents would come home to find me dressed. The neighbors could easily see into the back yard, as well. I didn't care, I had to be out.

After I was first married, my wife gave me a wig and some makeup to see how well I looked fully enfemme. After seeing how good I looked, the first thing I asked her was if we could go to the mall so I could get my own things. Received a big "No way" in response, though.

There are only two things I can promise my wife about by CDing: 1) I will never cheat on her; and 2) I do not want a sex change.

[Laura Jane]

my spouse has said that dressing at home and not going out (with the exception of maybe going to a meeting of other cders) would suit him forever - he has no desire to tell the family or dress 24/7 - but I'm just wondering how many others have said or been told these same things only to decide otherwise down the road (I mean it took almost 12 years for him to completely share this with me, so whose to say in another 12 years.....)

Tray,

We are each on our own journey's, some may be happy never to venture out others start out thinking they would never want to or dare to step outside, but soon it becomes an overwhelming desire.

I use to wonder how any CDer would venture out, to become the object of ridicule or worse, maybe they could even be recognised, what a nightmare. This was during the decade or so I had stopped. Since I started again, I felt the urge to venture out grow stronger and stronger. I don't feel that passable, but I have been out for a few nighttime walks. I sometimes have a fantasy about transitioning, but that is all it is.

In 12 years, many life changing events could happen, getting deeper into cross dressing is a possibility and not one you can predict for yourself. Perhaps you can get an insight based on your SO's personality, does he have an addictive personality, is he hooked on thrill seeking?

[Carin's Wife GG]

I thought everything my CDer said at the beginning was *the truth* and it was for then. Things changed as the years went on. I of course felt *betrayed*. Now I know that he was telling me the truth as he saw it at that time. He didn't know that his own desires and wants would change.

As others have said Cding can be progessive. Don't end up feeling let down if things change for your husband. He can only speak the truth from that point in time not into the future.


Louise.

[sissystephanie]

Forever is a very long time, and who knows what the future holds for any of us? So Lori may be right, at this point! But that may change in the future.

When I became engaged and told my fiance about my CD activities, she asked me if I went out in public dressed. I said no, because I did not do a good job with my wig or makeup. Her relpy was, "I can fix that." She did and the rest is history. Since she passed away, I still go out enfemme but as man. No wig and no makeup!

Sissy/Stephanie

More Girl than man sometimes

[Ðarissa]

Personally I'm quite happy with my crossdressing and just keeping it at home, but I would like to go out sometime. Haven't done it yet and maybe never will. It's very hard to say one will and or will not do something. How many times have we all ended up doing stuff we never thought we would do? Quite a few years ago I never dreamed I would be building computers from scratch and now I've gotten pretty good at it. Back then, I would have said, 'no way' I could ever be able to put a computer together by myself, even when I first started using the dang things. I also never thought I would crossdress beyond lingerie but that changed. What lies ahead, I'm not sure but I can tell you I will never jump out of an airplane nekked, but hey maybe I will eat those words one day.

[Faith_G]

I'm mostly a homebody no matter what I'm wearing. I've gone for a drive after dark a few times, but it didn't do anything for me so I stay home and enjoy myself.

[Tray]

I really enjoyed reading all the posts and the insight is REALLY APPRECIATED!!!! I know, as so many of you stated, that I can only take Lori for the current face value of what she is content with and am already trying to sike myself up for all possibilities. Like a few of you hit on, the question really stemmed from my own insecurities about Lori changing sooo much that I no longer fit into her life and I have expressed this to her and received words of assurance that that will never happen, but as also mentioned, the whole issue is about trust and basically how as the SO, one can perceive being kept in the dark about cd desires, like any other secret, as a form of betrayal. I completely agree that each person is different and all the varying responses drove that point home even more. Bottom line is that open communication is the only way to address this and any other issues. THANKS AGAIN SOO MUCH LADIES!!

[Ðarissa]

I would like to say thanks to you Tray for posting on here with such an interesting question and it is good to read all the varied responses from such a great group of people. It's certainly good to learn how others think and feel about crossdressing and how it effects everybody.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I believe that change is inevitable and comes in ways you don't see coming.

If your SO becomes more confident in her look, perhaps better make up, perhaps a better wig, maybe shoes that are comfortable to actually be in for a few hours, one's fear or concern about going out might dwindle. Did for me.

If I can get from a size 16 down to a more typical 8 or 10, I can see myself being more open to fitting in, and therefore freer to actually get out and about.

Good Luck,
Kathleen Ann

[Sheri 4242]

Something that has to be borne in mind is the fact that exclusive home dressing is a complete artificial and forced way to deal with it.

Extremely interesting way to put it, Marla!!! Thought-provoking in and of itself!!!

I believe the crossdresser's official motto is, "All dressed up and no place to go!"

Minerva, I was thinking that same adage while reading all the posts. Maybe you should do a poll of how many have felt the truth of that saying. There have certainly been times when I couldn't go out that I have uttered that saying!

I thought everything my CDer said at the beginning was *the truth* and it was for then. Things changed as the years went on. I of course felt *betrayed*. Now I know that he was telling me the truth as he saw it at that time.

In part, exactly what I was trying to convey in a different way! This is a very valid point, but, that said, how many SOs don't recognize it as growth and/or their DH evolving, and then throw it back in their face ("you said you never wanted to go out, blah, blah, blah")?!!

We all are evolving, growing, and changing in small ways and some that aren't so small. Its the nature of having a mind and using it!!! As previously stated, your husband is probably telling you the absolute truth as he knows things to be!!!

[RebeccaLynne]

I'm perfectly content to enjoy dressing within the walls of my residence. I've no compelling need to present, or "represent", to others. At 53 years of age, 48 actively crossdressing, my enjoyment for same has never wavered, nor have I felt the slightest need to "expand the envelope". I do what I do for the relaxing and contented peace of mind my personal expression of femininity brings to my life.
Tray, your hubby will find his comfort level, and wishes only for you to love and cherish him for for all of who he is. Follow your heart, and happiness for both of you will be your reward. The future is boundless, so set no boundaries. Love will prevail.

[Casandra Carrington]

I never thought I'd get to the end ov this thread...I try to read every one of the post there are so many different thoughts..he may be telling the truth as he knows it...and as so many other girls say at home is all they need...others need the fresh air to bloom...in my case unless it's a special occasion a night out or a party otherwise I'm a blend of male/female ...but the special point I'd like to make is if you love eachother talk to eachother be supportive of eachothers needs remember what for better and for worse means but above all else love without restrictions to restrict someone of a desire will only make that person want it all the more...good luck with this

[emmicd]

I only crossdress at home and i'm content. I don't do it often since i am married with child.

I would never impose this on anyone. It is my escape and secret. i believe most crossdressers are secretly committed to it and have no desire to be seen in the outside world.

My biggest nightmare would be to be seen by others dressed as a girl.

My secret would be gone and I would no longer desire dressing any more.

I am perfectly happy being secretly dressed and alone.

Good luck to you and your spouse.

emmi

[Suzie S.]

Hi Tray, there isn't much more I can say that hasn't been said. It is all good advice. For myself, I've only crossdressed at home. My wife is accepting of me doing this. I've gone out for halloween a half dozen times or so, and that's been great fun, but that's the limit. Will I change my mind in the future, who knows?