Understanding "Passing"

[VtVicky]

Passing is an intrinsically 'other oriented' position. I dress for myself. There is no internal drive for me to try to get a particular reaction from someone else. I believe the fetishistic position is 'self oriented'. (You could say selfish. But that suggests a distinction from someone else.)

Since 'gender' is often seen in contrast with, or to, another person, does someone who is gender disphoric see his or her situation as uncomfortable in the context of how his or her gender is seen by others? ("I want to be seen and accepted in the opposite gender.") Or, how it feels inside regardless of the external presentation. If one listens to the writings on this forum, one could sometimes assume that the reaction a CDer gets from others defines the success of his CDing.

A transvestic fetishist, on the other hand, I believe, derives validation, (and therefore "success"), not from other people but from how he sees himself in the mirror of his own experience.

The recent discussion, on this forum, about RS's use of latex face masks could be enlightening if we see it in the context of someone trying to "pass" as a female vs, someone who is trying to "portray" a female for his own satisfaction.


But,....I could be wrong.

[Kate Simmons]

Perhaps there are two reasons for trying to pass - for some, the idea of 'being that woman' is desperately important? For many, many more, it's about personal safety - they fear they will be endangered if people see them as not 'born female'?

That second reason is vastly over-rated, IME.

Remember, too, WE CAN ALL PASS - as trans?

Very true Nicki. I've realized I would be myself regardless of the physical equipment. The only thing that truely limits us is between our ears.

[docrobbysherry]

Passing is an intrinsically 'other oriented' position. I dress for myself. There is no internal drive for me to try to get a particular reaction from someone else. I believe the fetishistic position is 'self oriented'. (You could say selfish. But that suggests a distinction from someone else.)

Since 'gender' is often seen in contrast with, or to, another person, does someone who is gender disphoric see his or her situation as uncomfortable in the context of how his or her gender is seen by others? ("I want to be seen and accepted in the opposite gender.") Or, how it feels inside regardless of the external presentation. If one listens to the writings on this forum, one could sometimes assume that the reaction a CDer gets from others defines the success of his CDing.

A transvestic fetishist, on the other hand, I believe, derives validation, (and therefore "success"), not from other people but from how he sees himself in the mirror of his own experience.

The recent discussion, on this forum, about RS's use of latex face masks could be enlightening if we see it in the context of someone trying to "pass" as a female vs, someone who is trying to "portray" a female for his own satisfaction.


But,....I could be wrong.

U hit the nail on the head! That IS why I dress and why I started this thread. I couldn't understand why everyone wants to pass so badly. And what they would do if they could? I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

[KimberlyS]

From my first time out looking very much like a guy dresses very poorly in womans clothes my goal was and has never been to pass. Just to be out in the world in femme clothes.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Shelly Preston]

U hit the nail on the head! That IS why I dress and why I started this thread. I couldn't understand why everyone wants to pass so badly. And what they would do if they could? I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

Reasons for wanting to pass well not everyone wants to keep there dressing inside a house or a specific cd venue

If you happy with a mirror then thats fine

But as has been said before personal safety is an issue

not to mention verbal abuse and ridicule

So passing enough to be accepted is the main requirement of those venturing outside

[Nicki B]

I can't pass outside, but I DO pass quite well in my mirror. And that works for me!
RS

If someone waved a magic wand, and you could pass - what would you do?

[docrobbysherry]

If someone waved a magic wand, and you could pass - what would you do?

U OFTEN get rite to the heart of the matter don't u? And u will want an honest answer, too. Not BS! My quick answer is; I don't know.

I'm straight. So, Sherry couldn't go to CD, TS meetings and/or clubs, OR out in the general population. I get hit on enough on line! I don't think I could handle getting hit on live, by men of any ilk, all the time!
If I looked like an ordinary looking woman, I would probably go to meetings, clubs and out in general, just because I could. Or, that may be just another of my fantasies!
I really don't know!
RS

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I am not sure if I get this, if you feel you could pass then you can go any were you want I say and then there are some who say they can not pass, but they still go out any were they want....know that is game, cool yes.

To many of us feel that passing is all about how you look, I say it is your confidence and your attitude that helps you to pass, I know lots of Cd's who feel that they can pass because of how they look......but they have no confidence and they have no attitude .......and they got no game.

I do know some who can get read, but they have confidence and they have a killer attitude that helps them pass and...... yes they do have game.

And there are some that go out and do not give A s**t about what people think, and they got confidence attitude and game , and those are the ones that CINDY loves and respect the most.


LA CINDY LOVE

[kathy001]

I geuss each of us has their own personal goals, limits and challenges. For me my goal is to pass again as i did 15 years ago. Back then i had no problem going to malls and browsing, theatres, women's restrooms, got called maam more times than i can remember, etc. Sure i got 'red' a few times but figured out why and worked on solutions.

One 'memorable' read which i quickly learned from was when i set out to go to the mall one day with my new bright pink skirt suit complete with 4 inch matching pink pumps. Never made inside as a group of teen girls start starring at me as i approached them and start asking "are you a guy"? In addition to that inapproprate outfit, those heels made me a bright pink 6'2" tall pseudo women which was sure to draw scrutiny and it did.
I musta stood out like a pink sore thumb to those girls!
Women just don't go to the mall dressed that way even way back then.

At 180lbs, wrinkles, bags, bad skin from my beard of the last 10 years all which come with neglect and age, those 'close encounter' adventures would scare the @#$% outa me today. My recent public outings are of a limited nature such as fueling my car up, washing my car at those self-service car washes, etc.

So far i've gotten no rubber-necked stares and i've been 'out and about' plenty in the last couple months. But i've taken to wearing jeans and sensible but feminine flats instead of skirts 'n heels in an effort to blend and minimize any suspicions.
Just the other day while i was fueling my car 'another' woman pulled up to the adjacent pump, got out of her car, glanced at me and gave me one of those sweet smiles....encouraging validation?...i'll take it! Taking baby steps as i loose the weight.
One thing i plan on doing this time around is to try and participate in some of the groups which is something i've never done. That is if everything goes according to plan.

In my particular case i personally don't get nothing out of dressing and sitting home. If i'm not able to pass at least somewhat in the near future i'm gonna grow my beard back and re-evaluate the whole thing again once more.
I've got plenty of male-oriented hobbies and pursuits, never ending chores and maintenance to keep up my 20 acre property and equipment where i live out in the boondocks not to mention my 3 dogs to keep me occupied.

Sorry for the long reply, probably more than you all wanted to know!