True femininity, what does it mean for you?

[Gisele]

Of course I was never taught how to be fem. It was a trial and error thing for me. I did however learn by living with my mother after the divorce. I was young and my mother was never shy about dressing in front of me. I got to see her put on her things and watcher her do her makeup alot. I always wanted to be like her.

When I first tried on my cousins panties at the age of 11, it was all over for me. I was hooked! I did love the feeling of the silk. I did get to try on dresses and nightgowns after that. That is when I knew something was wrong with me or something was very right.

Now that I am in my 40's I know the pleasure of how a woman feels being all dressed up and feeling sexy. It is the best feeling in the world. I can't get enough of it now.

Do I want to be a woman? Yes, but I will never get the operation nor take hormones to be one. Maybe if I was a preteen and had the blessing of my parents and the know how, I would indeed do the transformation!

I am sad that I will never really get the oppertunity to be a real woman. I can only enjoy being the next best thing.

So, in short I will never know the true feeling of femininity but only hope I can grasp some kind of a close 2nd.

[jessielee]

its so tricky and sad how so much is perceived and accepted as true in gender stereotypes.
yet, because of them, what fun it is to see a gg all maled out! in a sexy way, for me. and how shocked and turned off they'd be to see me all girled out.
call me a weirdo, but i see women as female people, living in the real world rather than trapped in it. (like i fel, mismatched) thus, they wear functional fashion, even if the function may be flirtatiousness or pragmatic, maybe both at once!
clothing and gender expression for the every day world...food for me to ponder.
around here, so many girls are tomboys with the secret transformational ability up their relatively smaller sleeves to dress up for special occaisions!
as can i. just not how i'd like to.
don't believe femininity is an outward thing, much as its perceived to be.
desire to be the best, most compassionate human i can be.
sincerely.
and for now, gonna tie my own bow tie and put on the cuff links, for the special occaisions, when i wish i were in a dress. and be inwardly as feminine as i can stand,
all the while in disguise...
fooling them all.
jessie

[Valeria]

True femininity? To me that means having everything, and I mean everything that a true genetic women goes through. I am not talking about the clothes, manners, etc, that has been stated on in this thread. True femininity to me means dealing with PMS, being pregnant, the emotion of the "clock ticking" if you can't have a child, osteoporosis, checking yourself each month for breast, cervical caner (and all of the other cancers a women has to worry about). To take it a step further, having to worry with all of the medical problems that are unique to a women.

So females who don't have XX chromosomes can't be truly feminine? Females who don't suffer from PMS (or who don't even menstruate, for any of a number of reasons? Females who are infertile, or who have no interest in reproducing? Females who never get pregnant? None of these women can be truly feminine?!?

So to you, the epitomy of true femininity is defined by a female having a fully functional reproductive system and fully utilizing it??

And what do you say to butch lesbians? Shall we tell them that they aren't really masculine if they have functional ovaries and a desire to reproduce?

It may be hard to precisely describe what femininity and masculinity are, but my femininity (or masculinity) isn't defined by my reproductive system. I don't even accept this as a definition of womanhood, and I'm certain that not all women are "feminine" (and I know a number of women that'd be offended if they were called feminine).

Of course, since I'm completely sterile at this point, I suppose I'm just not capable of being feminine or masculine - so maybe I just don't understand...

[darla_g]

This always seems to be a recurring theme here. Well this and issues between couples over the CD issue.

[Sarah...]

Oh crikey! I'm going away to think about this one. I started a different answer but none of it made sense. It just feels in-built to me and effortless. Heaven knows I've spent a huge amount of time cultivating a "masculinity" about myself because I thought that's what was required of me. That was hard work for all of these years.

Any number of women over the years have contributed to my development.

Excellent questions DD - I'm off to have a think and see what happens.

Sarah...

[Aurora27]

As a woman who grew up primarily with men, I found that being feminine was, in essence, being sensual. The more sensual the movements, tone of voice, actions, etc. the more feminine one seemed to appear.

I was trying to figure out how to put an answer into words but thats pretty much it. To me being purely sexual has always seemed a bit hollow and vulgar, but sensuality implies a beauty and grace and confidence that I always associate with femininity and vise versa.

I've never really associated femininity with having 'feminine' fabrics on my skin - sure it feels great but true femininity runs much deeper - I don't think its something that can be taught fully and as a male I don't think there is any chance I can ever achieve it.

Man have always fought over women (at least in our recent culture) and I think to a degree femininity is this ability to make men act like idiots.

[jenalex]

True femininity, what does it mean for you?

Nothing much at all really.

I mean "feminine" relates to female and to woman, as "masculine" relates to male and man. But there are infinite ways for a woman to be herself, as there are infinite ways for a man to be himself, even if western society frowns on some of them (as many of us here will know). And that's if we're only talking about a binary gender model.

I prefer "femme" and butch", since they float free of gender essentialism. Femme and butch are performance of gender; self-expression, of feelings, of style, of attitude. If I feel a greater need to cross-dress than usual I might "up my femme"; or maybe I'll feel the other way so that someone might say "you're looking very butch today".

Basically anyone can do butch and femme, irrespective of how their gender is defined. You can have butch transwomen and femme transmen too (though Standards of Care may try to impose the "appropriate" one). They say nothing about your essential gender, so you can forget bothering about it.

Does that make sense to anyone else?

[deja true]

Nothing much at all really.

I prefer "femme" and butch", since they float free of gender essentialism. Femme and butch are performance of gender; self-expression, of feelings, of style, of attitude. If I feel a greater need to cross-dress than usual I might "up my femme"; or maybe I'll feel the other way so that someone might say "you're looking very butch today".

Does that make sense to anyone else?

Makes great sense to me, JAT!

And takes all the male/female labelling out of the psychological arguments.

Thanks for that. I'm ready to follow your simpler pilosophy!

Can I subscribe to your newsletter?

[CaptLex]

This always seems to be a recurring theme here.

Just one of several . . . stick around and you'll see what I mean.

[jenalex]

Makes great sense to me, JAT!

And takes all the male/female labelling out of the psychological arguments.

Thanks for that. I'm ready to follow your simpler pilosophy!

Can I subscribe to your newsletter?

sure thing



Jen