When I discovered myself at the ripe old age of 51, I realized that I had found who I was and I had to accept the fact that I loved to wear womans clothing. The urge to do so placed conflicting emotions upon me for a while but in the end I realized that I had found who I really am and I accepted that fact. Since then I have not looked back and I have found that through that through acceptance of myself that I have become a better person in both of my gender aspects and my life has become more enjoyable. I am still in the closet to most of the world and probably will always be but to my self I can accept and realize that it is my honesty with myself that will maintain my mental stability and allow me to be me. Like you, I tried to hide it at first and found that I was going the same way that you are, checking out pornos and such but I have found that if I can release my fem desires that I do not need such stimulus and I am a lot cleaner in my personal hygene at the same time. I have times when I do not want to dress but I have never had the urge to purge as I realize that if I do I will just end up having to replace all that I have thrown away. It is a part of us that will never leave so accept it to the best of your ability and enjoy .
