Who am I - A Lesbian?

[dolly]

karezza, your advice is very thoughtful and sincere. let us hope that i will be lucky some day. i will follow your advice.
love.

thanks, karezza. i will try to follow your advice.
love.

[DanaR]

Over the years, many times while I'm out and talking to people outside of the community, the subject seems to always come up; are you gay?

Usually the way I'll answer this is like this: am I dressed like this to attract males, that answer is no, I like women so I must be a lesbian; does that make me gay? Usually they will have a confused look on there face and we'll continue talking about something else.

[crusadergirl]

I don't think it makes you a lesbian but i was thinking thats what i was also. Really who knows what to call a guy who dresses like a girl but likes only girls.

[dolly]

thanks friends for your comments on being a lesbian. i wanted to get advice on "how do i develop relationship with girls as a girl?"
any suggestions?

[RobertaFermina]

Dear Dollie,

IMJ part of your affliction is with Labels.
"The Map is NOT the Territory".

Labels help to manage communications at the cost of oversimplifying the things labelled.

It is fair to say that being a man who finds happiness dressing as a woman puts you beyond description by labels. there are more types of people who crossdress than 1, so crossdresser cannot describe all crossdressers. Q.E.D.

So accept yourself for whatever you do that comes from your instinct, reason, and heart. Find what happiness you can in being and loving who you are.

Accept your desires as true, and follow them in honest, sensible, and compassionate ways. Fulfill your desires to find what happiness you can in being with and loving those you desire, and embracing your desires.

Eventually you will come to a place where your desires and identity and mind and heart and instincts are at home, and find a more consistent happiness.

Whatever that looks like, you may be tempted to label.....please, please resist the temptation. Enjoy the Mystery and Genius of who and what you are.

Roberta

[dolly]

dear friends,

many of you have provided profound insight. all (many) of you have suggested that labels do not matter; that i should be myself; that the things will happen and will work out.

i am in the process of moving out of my current relationship (nothing to do with CD). any suggestion on finding women who will accept me who i am (whatever the label)?

hope to learn and hear from you.

love to you all.

[Saralee]

I was just wondering about this also. I attracted to women completely. Yet, when I've been on this site I've been attracted to some of the avatars of men as women. Maybe some of the avatars really are pictures of real women. I don't really know all the time. If they weren't, they probably could have fooled me that they really were a woman. It feels strange to find a cd attractive as the female but yet knowing they are male. Yes and sometimes I like to feel girly but I don't know that I necesarilly need to dressed like a girl to enjoy the company of a genetic female. Yes, I have enjoyed wearing something feminine to feel my feminine side. It wouldn't be necessary for me to need to be in that role though.

I just like the traditional role of male and female straight relationships. I sure wouldn't mind her teasing me about trying things on and enjoying being feminine. I doubt that will ever happen. I could never bring it up and it's ok that it doesn't happen. I would be so happy to be in the company and friendship of a special female without the crossdressing. I don't understand why I enjoyed enjoyed thinking about wearing women's clothes. It wasn't to assume the role of a female so that a male would be attracted to me. I wanted the female to be attracted to me. No, I don't know where you could meet a female who would accept your crossdressing. It appears that some do though and maybe you will find one sometime that you can trust and share that with and she will be accepting. Didn't mean to be wordy...sorry..writing isn't one of my strong points.

[Jilmac]

No you're not a lesbian, you're a heterosexual male who is attracted to females. It's normal for you to think otherwise when you are en femme. I have been dressing since I was 15 and have always been attracted to females. I have never had any desire to be a fulltime girl but if I ever was, I would still be attracted to females because it's in my genes. Perhaps you are feeling like a lesbian because you want to be with a girl while you're en femme. I believe that you would only be a lesbian if you were to have a sex change because your genetic attraction to girls would still be a part of you.
Luv and Jill

[dolly]

thanks, saralee and jill.

i am hoping that i will find someone who will be understanding. i will continue to share further developments.

love.

[Alan]

If you feel like a girl all the time, not just when you're en femme, that does sound like homosexuality.

However, I will say again that labelling isn't really worth it. More important is accepting that you are who you are, and loving yourself no matter what. And finding love, no matter what shape or form or gender it comes in.

[dolly]

thanks for the insight alan.
love.

[Valeria]

You know, to some degree everyone is right and labels are irrelevant. OTOH, some "labels" represent meaningful concepts that need to be explored. For instance, it is pretty important to determine if you identify as a woman and want to transition to being female and living as a woman, or if you prefer to remain legally and anatomically male and live as a part-time (or full-time) crossdresser (or if you are genderqueer, or any other possible permutation). In practice, the answer to this question tends to matter a lot to many potential mates. We may all be nominally bisexual, but in my experience most people have a preference.

FWIW, a decent percentage of trans females are lesbian (I'd guess roughly one-third, plus a contingent of bisexual and pansexual women), so it's not that rare. I know of quite a few trans females in long term relationships with lesbian-identified cis females, including myself.

Some lesbian women are fully accepting of their partner being a post-op trans female. A smaller percentage are accepting of their partner being pre-op, or even early in transition. However, few lesbians are interested in someone male-bodied who isn't transitioning to female. Contrariwise, few straight girls are interested in someone transitioning male to female. Few pretransition relationships survive transition if the sexual orientation of the transitioner's mate does not match the transitioner's target sex.

[karezza]

Kehleyr, thanks for the very insightful post. I agree with your assessment of orientation. I would just like to add that I know bi-identified women in long-term relationships with CD men who encourage the CD behavior and enjoy being make-believe lesbian lovers. They also enjoy hetero sex with their partner with varying degrees of frequency. Such a relationship would probably be ideal for many Crossdressers.

You are right, most lesbian-identified women are not sexually interested in a genetic male. They may desire a long-term relationship with one for other reasons, but the sexual component is different. I am in this kind of relationship, and we have found it to be remarkably fulfilling. It has required a significant shift in my sexual identity and self-image. Our emotional relationship is deeper and more tightly bonded. Sexual I am a "surrogate lesbian" but it is clear that my wife's true sexual fulfillment is with her female lover. Male CDs who are interested in taking this path must be prepared for this reality.

~Karezza

Some lesbian women are fully accepting of their partner being a post-op trans female. A smaller percentage are accepting of their partner being pre-op, or even early in transition. However, few lesbians are interested in someone male-bodied who isn't transitioning to female. Contrariwise, few straight girls are interested in someone transitioning male to female. Few pretransition relationships survive transition if the sexual orientation of the transitioner's mate does not match the transitioner's target sex.

[Claire3]

No labels or confusion at this end.Sometimes im a bloke,sometimes im Claire.Im attracted to women.Feel fine about who i am.

[dolly]

very interesting analysis kehleyr. thanks a lot.
love.