This seems much more complicated than I originally thought it was. I'm sitting here thinking of why I actually like to dress in womens clothing and I can't really decide why. I know I like the look and the feel but there has to more to it than that.

I know I've always wished I'd been born a girl but I don't really know why I feel that way either. I guess maybe I think life would be easier because I have a lot of weight on my shoulders, things that maybe I shouldn't post openly here about. I know there is a slim chance that she would this but I've felt that way in the past about things and she did find out. I agree it's better for her to hear it from me than find it out any other way, that is totally right. But not trying to knock the help you are offering, I know her better than anyone else here and I've been married for over 10 years to her. We do have children and that only compounds the problem. I guess because of all the problems I have to find solutions to and I know that being a man the world is looking to you for answers & solutions, I feel it would be easier if I were a woman.

Don't know if you understand that or not...I'm trying to say that in my our life, when things go wrong it's me they are looking to for the solutions. It's me they look to for answers as to why this or that is or isn't done, why this isn't paid, what are you gonna do about this...etc. They (the world, bill collectors, etc) don't look at my wife as the one who is responsible for such - they look to me - a man.

I had taken pictures of myself wearing some stuff (God I hope she doesn't see this) and then she found them. She laughed at me and told me how F'd up I was and how queer it was and called me a lot of terms meaning gay. That response pretty much told me that she'll never understand or accept it and I will never forget the look on her face or the tone in her voice. I told her that I was mostly curious (which is true) and that I wasn't gay (which is 100% true) but nothing I said mattered, especially the truthful stuff. Maybe you see now why I've said she isn't understanding and you can't reason with her?

I say and do a lot of things, some I think through and others I don't. The stuff I think through I usually look at it from my perspective which is openly and non-judgmental. It usually lands me into some crap...like the photos. I had them hidden in my own personal stuff that she had to put great effort into finding them...why she was looking for them, I don't know.

I don't really have any desire to go out into public dressed up. Not unless I could do it and be passable to the point that I looked like a real female...and nobody would recognize "me". And even then I don't know how far I'd go with that...maybe just out driving? Then I think of getting stopped by the cops...oh boy...cause I know a few of them and that would just blow to have to pull out my license. I don't want my family to know this side of me either because I'm pretty sure they wouldn't accept it either. And feel that confronting my wife about this and telling her...she'd tell them just to try to belittle me. There is another issue in my life that she did me just this way with...wouldn't rest until she made sure my mother knew.