I want to thank everyone who has posted to this thread. I appreciate every one of you. To those of you who took the time to PM and/or call, you'll never know how much those simple acts of kindness meant to me.
I had a long talk with my wife this afternoon. She and I are fine... I want that to be perfectly understood. She is nearly as upset as I am that Holly has "left the building." Holly and HT always have a great time when they go out together.
Let me see if I can clarify what seems to be happening. It feels like part of me died. It's not at all like the desire to dress coming and going... I've been through that a lot and know that feeling well. This is different. It's like a piece of me has gone missing. I almost feel like a foreigner in my own body. It's very frightening because the best parts of me (at least the parts I like the most) have disappeared. Like poof! Gone. I had become so content and happy with who I thought I was and now I'm not that person anymore. I hope this doesn't sound like a bunch of mindless wanderings.
So where's the fairness in learning to love and accept oneself and then having it all snatched away? Could it be stress because of my pending retirement? I'm actually looking forward to it. I have a part-time gig all lined up that will pay me more working two days a week than I make now. The family is happy and healthy so that's not a concern. No stress because of friends so that's not it. So why did it all change so abruptly and so radically? Honestly, I'm at a loss. All I know is that I don't like it this way.
Thanks for listening and for your concern. This is truly a family.
