My Marriage is Over

[Jonianne]

.......She does not want to go for counseling. I have been going for the past year and it has made me accept who I am.

I have been there as well. My ex walked out of the counseling session and never returned. If there is a lasting love, maybe a tempory separation will help bring it to the forefront. I don't know, it didn't for me. After she left the counseling she never once asked to try to work it out again.

I got a place near the house so it was easy to be close to my children. We got joint custody with her as primary and within 6 months my oldest choose to come live with me. Later my youngest came to live with me when he turned the same age. I tried to keep everything as mellow as possible and always encouraged them to be close to their mother even though she was very hostile to me. I am very proud of both my children and am glad I stayed close so I could still be there for them as their dad.

[april1978]

I think my SO is going to leave me to not for CDing tho. You have my condolences.

[Kathy Leigh]

Hi Hon,

Been divorced twice but kids only the second time. CDing was not a factor.

Men think that when divorce occurs that the wife will get the kids and they will settle for visitation.

I made concessions on the money part of the divorce but gained equal custody.

I had every Tuesday and Wed. and every other weekend. This comes out to 14 days out of every 28.

I had to make some adjustments to my work schedule but the system worked well on number of levels. The children got to see each parent on a regular basis and each parent got a well needed rest after no more than four days of parenting.

This schedule was inflexible and never varied. No adjustment was made for birthdays or holidays. I you don't get your children this year for their birthday you will get the next year or the next. This makes for easy to negotiate as fighting over holidays or birthdays makes for emotional rather than logical responses.

I recommend the schedule I outlined above because every Thursday evening is a custody change. This means at Thanksgiving one party has the children early for lunch and the other party for dinner. This is important as Thanksgiving is the only Holiday always on the same weekday.

This arrangement worked well enough that for the 1o years we were divorced before my youngest turned 18 my ex and I never returned to court. Besides the inflexible but fair custody dates the most important detail was the "no seem um" custody changes. Custody changed at the end of the school day and the children went to the new parent straight from school. This is important as many fights between parents begin when one comes to the others home to pick up the kids.
.
Good luck hon. I wish you as little heartache as possible. Please feel free to write me if you want


Love,


Kathy Leigh

[Tina B.]

Jenna, sorry to hear you have to go thought this. But you do have rights, each state is different, but all of them recognize the rights of a father much better than years ago, when I went through mine. GET A LAWYER, he can be your best friend at a time like this. He will know your rights as to joint custody, or visitation, and everything else you will need to know. Many a woman has been surprised to find out just how many rights a father has, they are you children, don't give up anything you can hold on to, they need their father in there lives.
Wishing you well, Tina

[Nicole Erin]

Sometimes people just get bored of being married to the same person.
It is a rather daunting thought of being with the same person your whole life. [For sex and companionship, here is your ONE choice for this life] Gyod marriage sucks. I imagine someday I will be asking for advice about divorce, but luckily I have only one kid to pay for if that happens, and he is almost 12 so it is not like it will be 18 years of paying for some kid...

I work with this lady who was divorced after the kids had grown, she said her and her ex are still friends but their marriage was more like room mates.

[vivianann]

Sorry to see your marriage on the skids, like some others have said see if you can save the marriage for the sake of the children and your wife, see if she would go for marriage counceling, you need to admit to her and the marriage councelor if you get one that you are a crossdresser, you have been hiding cding from her and she has found your stash twice, that will wreck most marriages, because the trust factor has been broken. You need to seek counceling my friend, I know it is scary to admit to anybody that you like to crossdress, but you need to, hiding cding from the wife is not the answer, now that she knows you need to have a heart to heart with her, beg for forgiveness for deceiving her, I truly hope you can save the marriage, as you have experienced you cannot stop dressing, the compulsion to dress becomes stronger as you get older, what ever you do, dont do anything that will make you look bad. My heart goes out to you my friend,

[Rachel Welsley]

Sometimes people just get bored of being married to the same person.
It is a rather daunting thought of being with the same person your whole life. [For sex and companionship, here is your ONE choice for this life] Gyod marriage sucks. I imagine someday I will be asking for advice about divorce, but luckily I have only one kid to pay for if that happens, and he is almost 12 so it is not like it will be 18 years of paying for some kid...

I work with this lady who was divorced after the kids had grown, she said her and her ex are still friends but their marriage was more like room mates.

I'll have to agree on this as my two previous marriages both lasted right at four years before she just got bored. I should've seen a pattern with my first ex as both of her previous relationships lasted right around 4 years and my second ex's longest relationship was about two years. when it comes to the children, don't use them, or let her use them as a tool to make the other feel guilty or to get back at each other. this is how my parents used me & I wound up hating them both for a long time afterward because I was being used to make the other one mad which they took as me just being a problem child. It was only in the past couple of years that we managed to get everything back on an even keel so whatever you do, don't use the kids as a tool

[quietone]

Well, I never thought it would come to this, but my wife of 14 years has asked for a separation. She wants me to move out within a month. A little background first. I have been dressing my whole life(always in secret), it is a part of me. I have tried to stop multiple times by purging only to start up again within a few months. About 1 year ago, my wife found my stuff and confronted me. She told me that she cannot live with somebody like me, and that I needed to stop or get out. Well I stopped for a little while only to start again. She found more stuff in August and that was it, or so I thought. A couple of months passed and she was great to me. Last week she dropped the bomb on me, told me she cannot live like this anymore and she wants to split up. Big problem here. I have 3 children. While I have accepted the fact that my marriage is beyond repair, I don't know how easy it will be to leave my children. What I can say is that one thing that I think about is how nice it would be to not have to hide anymore. I have been wanting to break out my whole life, but not at the expense of my family. I guess I need a little advise here. Knowing that my marriage is beyond repair, do I leave and see how my children handle it, or do I stay home and contine to leave Jenna in the closet. I am not sure if this is much of an option as my wife has told me multiple times that she does not want me here at all. What do I do?

girl i feel 4 you because it makes me wonder the same in my relationship. i am so scared that could happen 2 me 2. i opened up 2 my wife about a year a year ago.she thought i was having an affair when she found my clothe. so i had 2 explain 2 her she didnt take it 2 well. but were still together thank god. i have 5 children and been married 16yrs.she knows that i crossdress but she tries 2 ignore my situation. i do my best 2 hide all my clothing so that she doesnt see it.it sucks and hurts so much when your spouse doesnt support you .but you do your best 2 try 2 block it out mentally.i feel your wife is already having an affair and thats her excuse to try 2 end your marriage. when 2 people really love each other theyd try anything to work it out. believe me theres more to your wifes excuses for ending your relationship.theres no doubt in my mind shes been cheating on you and this is her way of ending your marriage. she trying 2 make you look like the guilty party.and i tell you this the day my wife tells me the same ill walk out and move on with my life.life is 2 short and precious. just do your best 2 keep a good relationship with your kids those are your main focus in life. in due time you will feel much better with yourself. godbless you and good luck.

[paulaN]

You have gotten some good advice and some not so good IMHO. I am going through the same thing only I have been married for 31 years and my kids are grown and in collage. I would like to talk to you and tell you what is happening in my divorce. so PM me and I will try my best to help.

[Miss Tessa]

I'm so very sorry but I am young and even though I have a son I have never been married so I don't really have any advice.

My baby's mom is ok with my TS because she's a bisexual underground music freak.

[JennaDesire]

As each day passes, the divide grows between me and my wife. What started out as her talking about separating, has just changed to divorce. All she tells me is that she does not understand how I cannot stop. When I tell her it is a part of me, she tells me that if thats the case, there is no way she can be with me. I have thought that she may be cheating on me also, so I am not sure how much longer I can fight this. It is very depressing.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

its simple Jenna,, shes the one with the problem so tell her to get the "F" out...

[melissacd]

Jenna,

It is a very depressing process, however, there is life after all the dust settles.

You are who you are, despite what she feels and she is entitled to her opinion and feelings about all of this as well. How much do you want to invest in trying to change her mind ( I spent a decade trying to do that without success)? Perhaps that energy is best spent getting on with your life, developing your relationship with your children and finding a partner who will be supportive and accepting of who you are.

It is a bitter pill to swallow but some will never accept no matter how hard you try. Sometimes you just have to bow out gracefully, recognizing that perhaps it is better for both of you to take different paths in life.

I wish you all the best.

Huggs
Melissa

[Erica in hose]

its simple Jenna,, shes the one with the problem so tell her to get the "F" out...

I agree with this philosophy 100%!

[Carly CD]

Like the others have said,this can seem like the end of the world.I got divorced 10 years ago.Since then I meet the best women in the world and remarried.In jan I lost my job of ten years and 4 days later was able to get my dream job.So sometimes bad things are just blessings in disguse.Right now the main thing is your kids.when i got divorced we had a 9 month old son.Well we had shared parenting till he reached the 1st grade and he's been living with me ever since.Take my advice,get the best highest dollor female lawyer you can find and let them do all the work and talking.Guys can get there kids,and my ex wasn't a druggie,child beater or anything like that.The key is a great lawyer.Also remember child support is a option,your wife can wave you paying support.I don't make my ex pay it.Again a good lawyer can help with that too.Just be tough and hang in there.....as the old saying goes...."this shall pass too".

[Rachel Welsley]

Also remember child support is a option,your wife can wave you paying support.

this really depends on the state. my first ex and I agreed & put a no pay agreement in or paperwork but the judge threw that part out stating that in Kansas, the non custodial parent MUST pay support. to make up for it we put a clause in the paperwork that stated that I get to claim my daughter for tax purposes every even year. so no pay agreements really differ from state to state. I agree with Carly, get the best female lawyer you can find. it may cost a lot but you'll come out better in the long run

[JaytoJillian]

I feel your pain and I wish you nothing but the best. My marriage was bad BEFORE I "confessed" to CDing. Now it is unbearable. For me, it is like living with the schoolyard bully who not only pushes you around, but threatens to spill all your secrets if you fight back in any way. Ugh, I wonder how I got here. I'm sorry about your situation.

Jill

[KATIE TV]

Jenna, You are in a very bad situation at the moment and it sounds like the divorce is going to happen. So all I can say to you is look to the future and be positive, something good could come out of this, mainly you can be yourself and live how you want to, Finding a new lady to live with (if that’s what you decide you want) wont be easy but it is in no way imposable. When I got divorced 3 years ago, after 22 years of marriage, nothing to do with my dressing other than the fact I was living a lie and was very depressed about it, I came “out of the closet” and started living how I always wanted to. I placed an add in a local papers dating page stating how I was (a CD) and surprise-surprise got a number of replies, I have been with “J” a GG for over 2 years now and have never been happier. So try and get over this as best as you can and who knows this could be the start of a new and great life for you. Lots of luck. Love Katie.

[shani]

it takes two to fall in love. it takes two to fall out of love. i could tell u my life story but wgaf. (work that one out) the one thing i learn't was if u love your kids and are true and consistant with them, most of the time they will cope. my kids from two marrages and one suicide are very well adjusted and moving on with there lives, all be it a few bumps along the way. get yourself where you want to be in your mind and body, be true to them and they will be true to you. i know that this may not be the case all the time, but it sure as hell worked for me..... and my so, who at 17 helped me through this, gain strenght through where u want to go and be... kids are tougher than we give them credit for, be honest mwaah

[Magickman]

Marital dissolution is a frequent and recurring theme, not only among those who dress up, but generally in the married population.

The breakups have many causes, but the consequences are usually the same. Few people are happy about the end of their marriage.

Every divorce has genesis in the wedding day, which ought give people more cause for caution. I feel sadness for all the people who have to endure the failure of their marriages. It is not pretty.

Were we smarter, we would find ways to avoid divorce. But we are not. Couples cannot always sustain their relationship. Things go south.

My take on this is that marriage is a poor decision, not the best way to order our lives. When so many things can go wrong, why take the risk?

[2b.Lauren]

As a therapist I can say that the information provided by others are right on. I am not in the advice business when I wear that hat, but I am not really wearing that totally in this post. There are many deal breakers that both you and your wife have or share. You don't want to put Jenna out forever, and she is not willing to have her as part of the equation. So both of these seem to be deal breakers as it pertains to saving your marriage. I am sure that if you look a little deeper there may be other things that attributed to the marital difficulties other than or not limited to CDing. Reluctantly, I too am in a marital situation that is just probably not going to improve and none of this is related to CDing at all. I have many decisions to make as to my future. Your children are the most important part of all of this now. I feel that once the couple has reached the point where their love or bond is broken and can not be fixed the attention has to move to the kids. They need to know how important they are to you daily, that it is not their fault, and that both of you love them, but that mom and dad are not in love with each other. Provide them with the best example possible to show how important they are and how much they are loved. Joint custody in this is what you should petition for. Physical custody is a different subject all together and will take more time to resolve. Just think about what is in the best interest of them, and don't allow bitterness to take over and poison any efforts to protect their well beings. Continue counseling as you have been, I can say if not for my own counselor I would have not made it as long as I have thus far. I wish you all the best and if you need someone to vent to or talk to please PM me anytime.

Best Wishes
Lauren

[Shadeauxmarie]

My condolences.

Do NOT move out. If she can't sleep in the same bed with you , then sleep on the couch. It's YOUR house too. Leaving can be construed as an admission of guilt. You are NOT guilty of anything.

Seek a lawyer immediately. Follow their advice. It may hurt, but there's a great deal at stake here.

WE are here for you.

[Billie Jean]

This is a divorce, that doesn't mean YOU have to leave. She's the one that wants a divorce, she should be the one to move. If you love your children and want to have them with you then start preparing to fight for them. Don't just roll over and let her decide how your life goes from here.

As far as your femme side, yes this may be a good time to start figuring out how it fits into a new life for you.

Amen to that. Stand up for yourself and your right to see your children. Billie Jean

[Sweet Cindy]

I'm so sorry to hear this, Jenna. What a horrible situation to be in. Stories like yours are what scare me into purging...

I honestly don't know what the hell I'd do in your position. Every situation (and person) is different but I hope you can come to a resolution that's best for you and your children.

My thoughts are with you. Best of luck.

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Jenna , Sally24 is right do not move out you will then be the bad Gurl. I went thur the same thing in 05 and stayed she had to pay me off and I did not have to leave until she agreed. Your children now know that u dress they will get over it and accepeted you. Mine did and all of us are happy to a point the kids will grow up and have there own openion. I have a wonderful GG now the only problem we have is that my nails when I grow them are great an she said she hates me for them :tongueou You are now in the battle for us to wear any type of cloths that we like welcome to the battle.