This is a reoccurring theme, as was pointed out. I like the "evolution" spin on it. There has been an evolution to my own crossdressing, however my sexuality remains the same.
I've been a straight man all my life. Never been interested in the slightest about being with another man sexually. Since going onine as a cd, I've seen a lot of photos of down right beautiful, sexy looking crossdressers. Some cd's are not only completely passable, but absolutely gorgeous. I find them very attractive. This did cause me to think about my own sexuality.
I'm a very open-minded guy. I mean, how can I be a crossdresser and not be open-minded, right? I'm married and would not cheat on my wife, period (not with another woman or a man or goat or whatever). But what about my attraction to a beautiful cd? What's all that about?
Here's how my thought process went. If I were in a room with a beautiful cd - one who also found me very attractive, what would happen? Under the premise that I was available and not married, would I really want to engage in romantic contact with another cd? There are levels to this and I mentally explored them.
Kissing. I'm pretty sure the feminine exterior would fade away quickly if I ever engaged in a kiss with another cd. Something tells me it's just not like kissing a real woman. But let's say I did end up enjoying the kiss and did not feel as if I was with a man or turned off by it.
Beyond kissing. If a spark was felt and things became more passionate, well... more touching usually results. Following this path of thought brings me the very clear answer to my question. As soon as I reached second base and didn't feel the expected... uh... natural base, so to say, I'd be pretty grossed out to say the least. The illusion of feminine beauty would be quite shattered and replaced with reality. I'm just not in to guys. I know what I want, and a guy ain't it.
What if second base was there? What if we're talking about a cd who's had some surgical alterations? Again, following the logical route of events, more touching would likely take place. Once we get downstairs to the lower level... I'm not only very done, I'm physically disgusted.
No matter what someone looks like on the outside, at no time do I find the thought of touching the man-part (or it touching me) desirable in any way. I do in fact find it repulsive. Not my own, but having contact with someone else's. I'm honestly making my grossed-out face right now. lol
The conclusion is that when I find another cd physically attractive, it is only the feminine beauty I am attracted to and not the man. If I'm aware of the fact that I'm looking at a man, there are no sexual thoughts, feelings, or curiosities. I'll admire a crossdresser's beauty, often wishing I could look as good myself, but don't desire to do anything other than admire her (his) beauty.
I've been hit on a few times by other cd's, and non-cd's who want to be with a cd. It was a little weird at first, but I'm ok with it. I honestly expected it might happen before venturing online as Gabrielle. I take it as a compliment, and even enjoy the ego boost it offers. That's just an honest statement, btw - I think every girl (mtf cd) really enjoys when others find her beautiful. I don't mind engaging in conversation with guys who find me attractive so long as the conversation is not sexual in nature, or about what I've got on, or about what other kind of photos do I have, etc.
I truly believe that life is a constant evolution of one's character. We do not know today what or who we will be tomorrow. But I also believe that many elements of who we are now, will always be with us. I've always loved women... maybe a bit too much and perhaps that plays a big part in why I crossdress. I just can't see myself ever being romantically interested in another man. This feeling is not because of what society has dictated about that subject and reinforced in my mind over the years. This is just how I feel, period.
EDIT:
Forgot to mention that regardless of how I feel in my own sexuality, I am not put-off or bothered by the sexual preference of others. I respect people and their differences, and hope they respect where I'm at myself. I'm here to share my own thoughts and feelings and learn about everyone else's
