"...the sexuality that's expected of us ..."

[Satrana]

The problem with describing gender and sexual attractions as choices is that it promotes the idea that it is a conscious choice. I would argue that is not the case - the things we find attractive are influenced by our thoughts, experiences and the details of our environment. These different influences mix together in our heads and alter our thoughts over time - I guess it can be viewed as an evolutionary process of adaptation.

So people are correct on one level in saying they did not choose to be a certain way because consciously they never made that determination. But it is also true that they became the way they are through a process of thoughts and experiences which they were unaware of because it worked in the background over a long timescale.

Judging people for subconscious processes is too harsh but also claiming that you were born a certain way is being obstinately stubborn in accepting you are the way you are because you want it that way. The key is really to understand that it is within our power to change our way of thinking but we need a set of tools or a change in circumstances and lifestyle to enable us to influence the subconscious processes that determine our likes and dislikes. We cannot just will the change because a conscious thought cannot in itself undo the existing brain linkages that create our identity.

That does not mean you can flip between hetero and gay, or between male and female. But what you can do is learn to be curious, explore, experiment with the other side and in time learn to appreciate aspects of the other gender/sex that you refused or were unable to examine before. In essence everyone's end game if you thoroughly explored all aspects of gender and sexuality would be to become a transgendered, bisexual individual incorporating the best aspects of what you like from everyone around you.