Erika wrote:
I guess there are some things I just don't get. I really can't understand how some, and I'm beginning to think most, CD'ers can live a "closeted" life with their SO.
Out of necessity. Many of us have learned the hard way that it's either the part time closet, or out and be alone. In retrospect, I would never have told my ex. Ever. And at this rate, I'll never tell anyone again.

Senban wrote:
Get a different wife. I'm serious. A marriage where you have to live a lie rather than be accepted for who you are isn't a marriage.
Get a different wife. Hahahahahahaha! If it were only that easy. Many marriages survive, even flourish despite the partners not knowing everything about each other. Indeed, very often they'd rather ignore the many things that they'd prefer not to know about. Think of all the lives that capitalist successes wind up crushing. Do you think wives of all the robber barons and their associates really want to know all the dirty deals that their husbands were involved in? NO. They want the comfortable, nice life, where they believe the guy is wonderful, successful, and treats everyone perfectly fairly. Many successful men marry younger women, who they suspect is fooling around while they go about making their fortunes each day at work. But they trade that for having that hot woman around when they want them, and ignore what goes on when they're not around. Pretty commonplace. There are all kinds of marriages, and most aren't based solely on love.

Kimmie wrote:
When I first tried to tell my wife about the real me, she had a fit as well, so I stayed in the closet for a long time. A few years ago she found my girlie bag and asked who the things belonged to. She was actually relieved when I told her the truth.
This unfortunately, is not the most common reaction, although we can all dream.

Michelle wrote:
It is just not worth living a lie, you're not doing yourself any favor, you're not doing your partner any favors...
Get some champagne in the bedroom, loosen up a little, enhance the mood, candle light etc. or what ever your partner likes, and then spill the beans... Well worth it from then on!
Good luck to you all, it sure works for us!
It doesn't work out that way for all; many of us wind up drinking that champagne alone for a very long time after 'spilling the beans'. And whether it's worth living life in a loving relationship while not being able to tell absolutely everything to our SO is really dependent on how much we are willing to give up for either.

Bruno wrote:
Try to tell her and you might be surprised with her reaction.I am a GG and I can tell you she would probably prefer to know!
Oh, I'm sure she'd prefer to know. I found out the hard way that my wife sure would have preferred to know before she married me, so that she never would have. Women want complete honesty from men, but many reserve the right to keep some secrets to themselves.

Jennifer wrote:
I also agree with the earlier post saying that it is the NOT telling and keeping secrets causes most harm.
It really depends on what those secrets are, now, doesn't it. See, there's a world of difference between being a closeted stamp collector and being a closeted seriel killer. Or, perhaps a woman who was thrilled for the past 30 years over the two carat diamond engagement ring you gave her, well, would she really benefit from knowing that you got it at a discount because the previous owner was murdered by her ex boyfriend the day she received it? Probably not. Some secrets are good, and people are quite happy never knowing about them as long as it doesn't affect the rest of their lives (much the same as tens of billions of women throughout history have been thrilled with their diamonds because they didn't have to face knowing how many people got killed in the process of mining and selling them). I tend to believe that part time crossdressing is most often one of those secrets; as long as it doesn't affect her life, she will be perfectly happy never knowing about it. When you're 90 years old and she finds your stash after you're dead, remember, she had perhaps 70 great happy years before that. As above, most people don't tell each other every single thing about their lives and each other, sometimes because we think it won't matter, and at other times because we think that it definately will.

Stephanie, this part "A CD walked past our car and my wife about had a fit." pretty much says all you need to know. There are a whole lot of people who really, really don't like gender bending of any sort, it seems to upset their view of how the world should be.

Before deciding to out yourself to anyone, you have to really consider all the possible reactions, and the results of your actions. If you can comfortably live with the worst possible outcome, then go for it. Sure, it's wonderful to hear all the nice words of support from those who managed to successfully wind up with wives who accepted them as their fem selves, but that isn't the most common outcome, and it seems that your wife isn't the type who really wants her husband in a dress.