1st time fully dressed in 2 1/2 years

[AmberDay]

I am fully dressed today. The last time I was fully dressed was in early December of 2006. I do wear a satin gown a couple of times a month and I do wear panties two times a week, but I haven't been 'dressed'. Wife says I crossdress everyday since I shave my legs and wear nailpolish on my toes. I disagree that isn't crossdressing, but just part of my personality.

My wife is taking the kids down to the Cincinnati Dinosaur exhibit today and they should be gone for a total of 7-8 hours. It is an hour drive just to get there, plus they are going to look around the museum, then watch an IMAX film, then get something to eat, stop by her parents, and then come back home around 8pm. (It is about 1pm right now).

The crappy thing is, is that I am supposed to go to work today. I have to leave at 3:40pm and won't get home till after 2am. I have not had an opprotunity to dress in sooooo long. With me having four kids, and a wife who is okay with me being a crossdresser, but not okay with my crossdressing, I am suffering so much anxiety. It is rare that she isn't home since she works out of the house and only leaves when I am at work.

She told me I was allowed to dress for the two hours before I go to work today, but I wasn't allowed to call off today. I am thinking about calling in anyway. I never get a chance to dress like this and want to take advantage of it. I am feeling such normalcy just looking at my blue nails typing on this keyboard, looking down at my navy womens pantsuit, my two and half inch black heels, smelling my perfume, and looking at my makeup in the mirror on the other side of the room. I love the feeling of my shoulder length wig brushing against my shoulders. It is a tough decision. My wife would go ballistic if she found out that I didn't go into today. Not only would she be mad at the loss of pay, but that I went beyond the allotted time.

I am finding it hard to come to a decision. I can't believe I am considering blatantly going against what my wife told me to do. Lol, I even considered calling off, stay dressed all day, then right around 7:30, get undressed, put my work uniform on, and then just hang out some bar or something and come home at my normal time. My work (I'm a busdriver) doesn't have a tardy policy. You are either there on time or you are absent, so I can't come in late. But, I hate calling in. I do like to work. It sucks that I may miss a day of work just so I can be normal for once. And, my wife would find out in three weeks when I get my paycheck and it is short a day of pay. Then I'll get in trouble for not listening, and also for trying to cover it up. Dang, I don't know what to do.

I talked to my wife about trying to get more time to dress, but she always points out that I chose to get married, I chose to have kids, I chose to buy a house. I have a family and I need to come to terms with it, I need to get over my crossdressing, and just enjoy the times I do get to dress. But I need more than once every two and a half years.

I am feeling so good being normal, and yet I feel the need to be responsible.

What to do, what to do.....

[Starling]

You gotta go to work, kiddo. It's real life. I sympathize with your plight, though. Good luck.

Lallie

[CD Susan]

It sounds to me like your wife is in absolute and total control of your life. I feel sorry for anyone who has to live in such a structured and controlled enviroment. Reading your story only confirms my belief that truely being free means remaining single. For your sake I hope something happens in your life to change your very unfortunate situation.

[Angie G]

Dayton it's 5:12 I hope you went to work hun.
Angie

[AmberDay]

Yea, I went to work today after all; and ended up having a guy take a swing at me!

Lol, I should have stayed home

[AmberDay]

Reading your story only confirms my belief that truely being free means remaining single.

I don't want my wife to leave me, but when/ if it happens I will date, but I will NEVER remarry.

[PennyLane2]

You certainly was between a rock and a hard place.I must admit I felt somewhat saddened that you had to sacrifice your true self though.Guess life must go on but any chance you could negotiate more freedom for yourself???
Love from Penny

[JoAnne Wheeler]

It is so hard to want and need to dress and express ourselves and then be

confronted with the realities of life - I really don't have an answer - but do

what you feel you can live with - if you can't live with your conscience by

lieing to your spouse and missing work, then I would make the most of the

time I had and if possible, I would underdress while at work - that helps

JoAnne Wheeler

[Karren H]

I'd have gone with the wife and kids!! I love dinosaurs!! . And I wouldn't tick "She who must be obeyed" off... Else you may loose all your pretty clothes in the divorce settlement!! Go to work!! NOW!!

[beenherelongtime]

go to work, the trouble you will have if you don't isn't worth it. the loss of pay or the arguement. if you don't go to work, you will have a hard time getting more time to dress. i suggest you try to negotiate more time with your wife. your family is your first responsibility, you did get married and have children. good luck

[PortiaHoney]

Instead of beating yourself up over it, why don't you book yourself a motel room and just let her know you need some time to be yourself. She doesn't have to see you, you don't have to worry about having kids walking in.

If she truly understands your need to CD then she should be ok with that. Otherwise I would suspect that she isn't ok with your CD'ing and is just creating situations so you can't while "appearing" to be caring and understanding.

If you end up with the room, make sure you have girly nightwear so you can truly enjoy being yourself for a whole evening.

Good luck.
Portia