If we GG's could say anything/ The good and the Bad

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 25

It hurts that you have gone out en femme and others have seen you, but you still won't 'dress' in front of me - not fully anyways. I know your outings mostly consist of going through fast food drive thrus and pumping gas, but still. The way it seems to give you a thrill at other people's reactions to you make me a bit envious. Envious because you haven't given me the same opportunity that you've given total strangers.

It hurts when we go out together and you keep diverting your attention to other women and their clothing I don't care if it's the clothes or the women you're sizing up, but it makes me feel 2" tall when we're out and I have to fight for your attention. At the end of the night, I feel like I've been on a 'date' with my husband and the handful of other women he seemed to be more into. That accounts for some of my 'bad moods' after what you feel was a great time out together.

I feel like you enjoyed CDing more when you were being sneaky about it.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 26

"I love you more than words can say. But over time I've lost the sexual connection that I thought we had. All of my instincts tell me that I'm not the one who satisfies your erotic desires even though I know you love me emotionally. I don't feel that you feel passionate about me, and in turn it has affected the passion I feel for you. When we make love I often wonder who you are and who you're with in your mind and if you're pretending because you don't want to lose me. Sometimes I wonder if you're disappointed in who I turned out to be and if you stay with me because there is no better alternative. It breaks my heart but I don't want to let you go because I love you so much."

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 27

I don't love your cding.....I love YOU. So when you see the green light and take it so far that I have to be the one to slam on the breaks and you wonder "What's the matter? I thought you liked this?" It's because of your behavior, not because I am suddenly becoming unaccepting.
I see now that cding is an important part of who YOU are...that is what is important to me. If cding went away tomorrow, and I was left with YOU, I wouldn't miss cding for a minute. On the other hand, if I could wish it away and was left with a shell of my husband, then I would wish the cding back in an instant.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 28

Thank you for trusting me enough to share your inner-most secret with me.

Thank you for opening up the whole world of 'dressing-up' to me and for encouraging me to appreciate and embellish my own femininity.

Enough already with the clothes buying! I'm not sure we can establish a successful business in second-hand clothes (even if you were prepared to sell any of them) and we really don't have room to house a well-known department store's entire women's clothing stock.
Fab/ GG anonymous 28

Sometimes I really would like to do something for both of us that doesn't involve dressing-up or shopping (either physically or via the internet). Romantic dinners a deux have diminished of late.

I fell in love with you as a man and I'm turned on by you as a man. Much as I know 'she' is just a facet of you, I'm just not sexually attracted to her... and I don't think I ever will be!

I wish there was a remote chance of you even reading this. It seems I spend a lot of time on this forum (to the point where some members must think I'm making up the existence of a CDing SO!)... and you have no desire to.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 29

I like the fact that the mods have got this thread up and running, because we can say what we really feel without it causing a whole lot of hard feelings in our house.

I can say here what I can't in my own name on open forum, for fear of condradicting what you say there,and others having a go at you and defending me, I don't want them to do that, but they need to hear my side as well, .... or saying how hurt/confused I am over something you did/did not do, ..... or even just ask a general question from something I read in another thread and you feeling I am having a go at you.

It's not all about you, sometimes it's about me and my wanting/needing to hear things and explore things just as you do .

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 30


Why is it, you give GG's such a hard time for telling you straight, when you've asked the question in the first place and then every other CD on the forum gangs up on them, even though, they are right! For a group of people that crave so much acceptance, that emulate US, you seem to have such a low opinion of us, that you make it so hard for us to accept you.

And why do you treat new GG's with such disrespect, when they come here looking for answers, and you give them the same old crappy line of 'well at least you're not with an abuser, or an alcoholic' etc etc... how do you know? How do you know they haven't already been through that? Just because you think CD'ing is harmless, doesn't mean it is, it can cause so many problems, because you turn us into liars, we have to lie to our families, even our children, because YOU don't have the guts to tell them. In a way, you've shoved us in the closet with you. How is that fair?

Some of you don't like GG's, because they tell it like it is, because they tell you the truth and you're used to lying so much, that when the truth smacks you in the face, you can't take it, you'd rather be lied to, because you're used to that. We bring up our children to be truthful, to teach them the cold hearted reality in life, yet we're expected to pussy foot around you, so you're feelings don't get hurt. Well, our feelings get hurt on a daily basis, living with pink fog, being misunderstood, being ignored, being made to feel unloved, unwanted and unappreciated. You're not the one living with a CD'er, we are.
__________________

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 31

I don't want damned matching anything ......... I hate it when twins are dressed alike .......... I am an individual, and have my own way of expressing myself, through dress & other things, I don't want to be your twin & I don't care that the other CDs think it is cutsie, I don't, I keep saying .... you don't listen

Another thing why do you all harp on, and on, and on, about how women should dress, women fought long and hard to be allowed to wear what clothing they choose, and even today, there are places & religions & cults where they are severely restricted .................. wear what you want, stop judging & condeming us by the women you want to be or believe we should be, we are happy the way we are, our choice, live with it

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 32

I am lucky AND maybe others will take from your lead. You treat me like a Queen and I then have no problem treating you as a princess.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 33

How many of you Cd'ers notice that your wife wears a bra to bed?
How many women wear pantihose or stockings to bed?
How many women go to bed dressed?

None that I am aware of so where do you guys/as CD'ers get the idea that we as women are like this in any way.

Now I do read that some of you CD'ers wear nighties to bed as does the wife, i see that some wifes are not happy or comfortable with their male partner wearing a womans nightie, whats wrong with a mans niteshirt?? does the same thing, is it because it doesnt feel the same or look feminine enough??

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 34

Yes we are amazing women we are the glue that holds everything together,
in keeping, not only your hobby as some call it,
As "some"of us are fortunate to be told up front, about your CD'ing, what unsticks the glue is the ability to decieve, like the saying "what a tangled web we weave when we practice the art to decieve."
If your wife were to decieve you or hide something from you the boot I KNOW wouldnt be on the same foot it be on the other foot, would be the end of matter, & all hell would break loose, same male trait, no matter that you are males, no more no less, that choose to CD because you appreciate the finer things of a woman.
DO we as the WOMEN in your lives not deserve that right to be appreciated as well, for being the finer people who support and love you, who we are & for all we do,
your enfemme for goodness sake our darling men who like to play dress up.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 35

I am so happy with you- you treat me like I am the most precious thing in the world to you, and I know you would never knowingly do anything to make me feel uncomfortable.
When I first found out about the crossdressing, I didn’t think it was a journey I wanted to take: I didn’t want to live with secrets and lies, but weighed in the balance of everything that is right about us, now it doesn’t seem such a big thing after all, and in some ways I quite like having our special ‘naughty’ secret.
I just wish you had enough trust in me to tell me in the first place, so we could have avoided the traumatic way I found out, and the long time it took to build up trust again.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 36

Break the cycle of secrecy and embrace that special side of YOU.
For the single ladies please realize it is a part of you please learn from the others. that it will not go away, it is not wrong.
Love yourself unconditionally and open yourself up to love unconditionally.

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 37

Please don't assume that I'll always want to make love to 'her'. I don't mind sometimes, but I LIKE making love with YOU. Does she always have to be involved?'

[Di]

Fab/ GG anonymous 38

What does the future hold? Of course, every partner worries about the future. Is this going to lead to The Operation? Where that lovely appendage to which me as the wife if is quite attached will be removed?
Valid questions. But my answer might surprise you. as long as I am loved and valued none of that matters. It is the relationship that matters.

[TG-Taru]

Fear, fear, fear i think is the answer to many. "if I told, I wouldn't be given the chance." "I didn't know yet then." "Why risk rocking the boat." and so on... Not that people wish to deceive, but fear they have to to get fair treatment, or don't see a reason to tell - the reason not to tell being the feared risk for something that shouldn't matter that much to begin with, or is seen as inconsequential to the relationship. Where that goes often wrong of course is keeping it from affecting other things, especially when things turn out later to be more than originally thought.



Fab/ GG anonymous 1
answer

I think he/she felt as sick and scared and insecure as you do now, that's why the reaction. I'd try explaining and talking it over, defuse the tension, help both of you. of course, I don't know the chances of that working in your case, especially if the other is too defensive and shut to listen properly.

I just wanted to say I don't think it was you, or that they didn't want to be supportive of you but the other's personal problem(s) being overwhelming just then.


Fab/ GG anonymous 4
answer

I think the submissive thing is because of the sterotypical image of women being more submissive, so CDs should be too. And you shouldn't worry to always every time be perfect either.


Fab/ GG anonymous 10
answer
Ehh, some would, some times. Some are too insecure or touchy to hear any sort of criticism, some like constantly learning. I'd say don't offer if not asked, unless you think you know the person well enough. But yes, especially if asked, and not relating to a specically CD area of expertise, a GG's advice would be most welcome.


Fab/ GG anonymous 15
answer
Fascination with other women - I assume not specifically romantically - don't worry. If you don't share the fascination in opposite, it's just because you are not trying to appear like a man or into their look on yourself. It's not that he doesn't want you or wants them, it's more about him/her self.


Fab/ GG anonymous 17
answer
Not true to my knowledge, in general. For some maybe, for most i'd say it's untrue. If it's true for your partner, can only wonder why.


Fab/ GG anonymous 33
answer

I don't usually bother myself, nor do I have anyone to mind. When I do though, the material being nice is just a pleasant side effect. I don't have a woman's body, so clothing meant for women, even if somewhat uncomfortable, helps with feeling better, more right, when I'm feeling more womanly. An aid to be and feel, more than to do exactly the same that women do. Same reason that many CDs, especially in private, go over the top in their day/evening look - overcompensating what they (we) lack naturally.

With a partner you should of course discuss your feelings and agree on something you feel comfortable enough with.



I think you're all fine women and I hope you get the attention and consideration you need.

(also to you that have it good already )

[DonnaT]

I've known very early on in my relationship that my boyfriend fantasied about forced feminization and female domination. As someone who is completely submissive in the bedroom I feel that I have robbed him of something he enjoys.

He has told me that he used to think he was submissive, and assures me that he now enjoys taking a more dominate role with me whether he is in girl mode or boy mode.

We have an amazing sex life, but its a great fear of mine that I won't always satisfy him. I notice a great deal more Submissive Cders than Dominate ones. I feel like I am going against the grain of the Cder norm. I adore him and desperately want to please him.

For some, forced feminization and female domination is merely a fantasy. That is, it's a way for them to be able to dress with their wife's approval. However, if the wife is already accepting, then there is no longer a need for the fantasy.

If he's allowed to dress, then there's no need for force, is there!?

Maybe your husband isn't really submissive. I figure, if he was, then your sex life wouldn't be so amazing.

But, like always, if you have a question that's eating at you, don't be afraid to ask him. Knowing is better than not knowing, and fretting over not knowing.

[Fab Karen]

Fab/ GG anonymous 31



Another thing why do you all harp on, and on, and on, about how women should dress, women fought long and hard to be allowed to wear what clothing they choose, and even today, there are places & religions & cults where they are severely restricted .................. wear what you want, stop judging & condemning us by the women you want to be or believe we should be, we are happy the way we are, our choice, live with it

It isn't all of us saying such things, just a very vocal minority. Some of us point out the hypocrisy & chauvinism of it when we see it. Often they are the same CD's who haven't fully embraced what they are, and live in fear instead of doing what they want, and discovering that it isn't as bad as they assumed out there.

[chrissie-h]

Di, What a great idea to share these thoughts, feelings, and experiences anonymously! It gives such a wonderful insight to how the 'other half' can see things.

[Sarah...]

This is such an important thread. It's full of human pain, joy, suffering, contentment, despair and love.

I should think some of this is already shared by the couples concerned. A lot isn't. Why is that I wonder? I hope we are all listening properly to the thoughts and feelings posted here. I'm not responding to anything specific. My partner, Becky, is no longer a contributor here. She's working with similar communities elsewhere though. And we've talked about all of this stuff. She talks, I listen. I talk, she listens. I really hope we're listening to the thoughts, feelings and emotions expressed in here. They are absolutely invaluable. I'm hoping this is the thread that becomes a springboard to some happy individuals, some happy couples and a greater understanding of the differences that make this such a potentially rich community.

Sarah...

Sarah...

[KarenCDFL]

Hi, Hope its OK for me to post my thoughts on this. Maybe it should be in a new thread.

My wife is accepting because:

1) I told her and showed her well before we married.

2) We each take the time we need in the bathroom getting ready. Sharing things as needed.

3) She loves the fact that when we go shopping that I can tell her honestly if she looks good in the outfit or not. And only she knows why I can do that!

4) She loves the fact that I set my own boundaries. She lets me know if I can go past them.

5) We communicate to the point of knowing what each other is feeling or thinking without having to say it.

6) She always know I have an extra eyeliner for her to borrow, or did I borrow it from her?

7) She know that the girl in me is part of me and I am the same person with or without makeup.

8) I love the fact that she says, Honey, why don't you dress up, you will feel better.

9) We both love hearing: lets take out the toy box after we are all dolled up. (Use your explicit imagination!)

There is a whole lot more. But what the above shows is that an SO can be extremely understanding just as long as you are honest, and communicative.

It took a few years to get to this comfortability level. We took our time and just let it happen.

[michelle64]

honestly i never read them all..but the consensus is DONT LIE..im in 100% argreement...told my GG the first date..been together over 5 years..all happy...wonderful time we spend together doing things we enjoy...i worried about it but after 5 years it was really stupid...i do feel for those GG who have CD's who lie..makes for tuff relationship...problem is they just have not accepted it....just my thoughts

[az_azeel]

I know a lot of people rarely read the intro post.. and go straight to the last post... this thread has been posted as way of an example and has actually been taken from the F.A.B forum ..which is as you all know is a private section. Di posted this in here to show you some of the quotes made from wives and partners.

Now as Di said in her original post :-

I WOULD LIKE ANOTHER THREAD FOR ALL OF THE TG/CD LADIES TO GIVE THEIR FEELINGS ANONYMOUSLY
( within forum rules) You can pm Shelly Preston , az_azeel or Di and it will be in total confidence.And we will post your feelings and questions as well in hopes of more understanding.

As Di said this could be a way to open communication..

[shesadvl]

This is such an important thread. It's full of human pain, joy, suffering, contentment, despair and love.

I should think some of this is already shared by the couples concerned. A lot isn't. Why is that I wonder? I hope we are all listening properly to the thoughts and feelings posted here. I'm not responding to anything specific. My partner, Becky, is no longer a contributor here. She's working with similar communities elsewhere though. And we've talked about all of this stuff. She talks, I listen. I talk, she listens. I really hope we're listening to the thoughts, feelings and emotions expressed in here. They are absolutely invaluable. I'm hoping this is the thread that becomes a springboard to some happy individuals, some happy couples and a greater understanding of the differences that make this such a potentially rich community.

Sarah...

Way to go sarah thats an awesome reply we as GG's loving & supporting partners, know that "some" of you do get ....that the communication is important, so heres hoping that all of you are listening or taking it in.



KarenCDFL
From A Crossdressers Point of View :

awesome Karen it takes time yes, but see what being upfront is about., its a shame that fear is such a wicked thing. A bit like "would you go where angels fear to tread", by changing that to CD'ers.'
Its in How your partner is in the communciating the sharing,of all things,appreciation,
can make it all the much better, its about being happy with and within yourself as
to who you are and where you are... called acceptance all round.

[Ralph]

Oh man oh man oh man... this was absolutely fantastic. A lot of the concerns here are thoughts I've voiced to myself but (usually) kept quiet about around here for the sake of keeping the peace (and not having my thread deleted for being unsupportive or critical of the way others express themselves).

What a vain, self-serving, inconsiderate pack of louts we are. If I have been that selfish in anything I have said or done to my wife, or anyone else, I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

Is it any surprise that the number one objection in all of those posts was the lying?

Another interesting theme in many of the posts revealed the truth that we deny ourselves: underneath all the "I just want to look and act female" there's still the primal urge of fetish - when we wear stuff that no real woman would wear, or under circumstances that no real woman would wear them (like bras to bed (!) or dresses during sex (!))... that's not acting female, that's getting off on the sensual thrill of the clothes.

And finally, the whole center of the universe thing. Preach it, sisters! We expect our [SIZE="1"]bizarre[/SIZE] endearing behavior to be supported, nay, admired - but when do we make the missus feel like she and her interests are all that matter in the world?

Three cheers for the lil' darlins :D for saying what needed to be said. I hope we all take away some lessons from this thread.

ralph

[DeSkirt]

I really enjoyed reading this thread more than most. The whole reason I like to log onto this site is for me to try and figure out how cross dressing figures into my life and threads like this really get me to consider how my actions effect others, especially my wife and family.
I really feel the GG's responded from heart and their feelings as well as their words came through loud and clear.

great idea!