Separation of the Ways

[Samantha Kelsey]

HI I'm glad you feel like you do. It's pointless for both of you living an unhappy existence. But beware the pink fog may have a short life. My ex threatened to (& did) expose me. She was too late however as I had already come out to everyone of my friends and family knowing that she would use it against me. Our split wasn't really over CDing, I'd told her I couldn't live with her anymore but afterwards she twisted the facts towards my CDing.

The good news is her nasty gossip didn't have any effect whatso ever on me, quite the opposite.

[vivianann]

I am shocked by the way you are dealing with your marriage coming to an end. No matter how she may or may not have behaved in the marriage is not an excuse to be so uncareing and selfish about it. I have been through a divorce, it broke my heart even though there was not the feelings of love between us anymore, it took me 7 yrs before I could bring myself to try on any feminine clothing. And even though 7 yrs had passed after the divorce, I still worried I might be doing it too soon, crossdressing did not have anything to do with the breakup of my marriage because I put it away at her request. It was her inability to conrol her spending habit and trying to hide it from me that killed our marriage.
I believe you are in for some real heartache because you cannot see past your selfish desire to be femme.

[mklinden2010]

Gotta say, again, that I'm all for both of you finding happiness apart... If that's what it takes.

I'm been divorced and it was hard. It took ten years to get over all that and by then I'd been remarried for about four of those ten years. But, that's me. I regretted the dumb things she did to break up the marriage, and to hurt both of us, but that's just the way it was and I HAD to get used to it. Still, I was giddy for a while just to be free of the problems... No doubt about it. Yay!

However, had I not said, "OK. Enough is enough" and agreed to end the marriage neither one of us would have ever been happy in that life. Things could have only gotten worse had we stayed together. As it was, I had a great second marriage ('til death did us part) and am close to being remarried - even more happily now. (Practice, practice, practice!)

Odds are good, of course, that you and she will go see and attorney, realize you can live with the way things are - for family or financial reasons - and you'll try a "reset" of things at home to see if you can't just get along better with a new plan.

But, to find out, go see what the legal realities are, give it some thought, and then decide how to proceed.

Good luck.

[Di]

Very happy for your wife
A huge self centered and selfish weight off her shoulders!!:brolleyes:

[Sandra]

Well I truely hope that you and your self centered and selfish ways enjoy the rest of your life, and god help any other woman who gets involved with you. :Angry3: :Angry3:

[Marsha K]

I even went so far as to show her my lovely breastforms (8's in a VS C38 bra) and ask her to feel them. Girls, I am so giddy, where can I get voice lessons?

I’m sorry for you and your wife in your separation. It should be hard on both of you but it doesn’t seem that way. There sure must have been many other things involved besides just your cross-dressing. I guess you are more excited about your possible new adventures than saddened over a life thrown away. Are you and your wife on speaking terms yet? As for any voice lessons, you could ask your wife to help you with that.

[Tamara Croft]

As for any voice lessons, you could ask your wife to help you with that.

Oh I can think of a way she can up his voice a few notches.... and the way he's treating his divorce... he'd deserve it.... and she should squeeze them extremely tight!!! He'll be screaming like a damn girl by the time she's done :Angry3:

[Jodi]

So you aremeeting a lawyer together. I have known a number of people that tried to go that route only to have it crash down on them. The divorce is one thing. It can be very easy with "no fault". The hard part is the property settlement. Without your own lawyer to defend for you, you could take a real hosing.

It might seem cool right now to be living by yourself with the freedom to dress when you want to, but you have to retain enough assets to be able to live, not just exist.

You might think that it can go smoothly. Don't live in la-la land. Once the lawyers get involved, it is put on the gloves and hang in there till there is one left standing. The lawyers will drag it out and play lawyer games for as long as they can. Remember, they work by the hour. That is how they get maximum dollar from you.

Right now, you don't have a clue. Come back in a year and let us know how you are doing.

Jodi

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Wait until the decree is final before you do back flips....anything before that may be harmful to your well being...not to mention your bank account..especially when some attorney gets invovled...

[diannecourtney]

Good morning ladies: I want to thank several of you who had very kind remarks and wonder what guilt was created for others and their remarks. Yes the lawyering went well and we shall continue a relationship. I am enjoying the opportuniy to dress more freely than before and am looking to that make-over morethan ever. Incidentally, Karen hutton, the first question out of my ex when she discovered the desires was when do you go all the way? She was somewhat floored when Iasked what she met as I was still quite innocent of all mthe implicatios of CDing. Anyway thank you all and love.

[mklinden2010]

DC,

Good for you both in working things out together. So far, so good.

I really do not understand some of the harsh comments you have received. Your wife took a stand on how things were going and did not sneak off and hire an attorney to sue you for divorce. She more or less said, "Hey, we're BOTH being stupid to dance around our differences; let's do something about working out a new and better arrangement."

Sounds like a good marriage to me. And, believe me, you can love each other - married or not - and live happy lives, married or not.

The purpose of marriage is not to see how much you can hurt another person, but to see how much you can help each other. You give so that they can live better; they give so that you can live better. Being tied up in a marriage contract is not necessarily helpful to two people being happy. It can be helpful, but in and of itself it's just a form to work within. If the fit is not good, it's a hard chore for two people to live in such a space.

If nothing else the defined roles and "general expectations" make it hard to work out a life when everyone keeps butting into your private arrangements. It seems strange to me to read of "society's disapproval" for CDing on this forum, for example, and, at the same time by these same people, not be allowed to work out your own private arrangements.

Some members of my family gave me several rounds of grief over "my" problem and how unfair I was being to my wife. They kept protesting that we did not have a good marriage, that it had to be some kind of sham. I was surprised to hear this from two of them in particular, because between them they'd been divorced five or six times. I should worry what they thought "I" should do?

Plus, as I pointed out to them, my wife had her own job, her own savings, her own friends, her own family, etc. AND could probably fight me to at least a draw in boxing, wrestling, and/or crossword puzzles. The wife had her things she liked about being married, and I had mine. What some members of my family thought of our personal arrangements was, frankly, none of their business. Neither one of them was married to either one of us...

Good luck going forward. I take it from your "giddiness" with your breast forms and showing them to your wife that both of you are willing to just, "Call a cat a cat" and do some work to redefine your relationship. You've been dying to get this off (on?) your chest and she's been unwilling to talk about it so long as you "had" to be (the) husband and she "had" to be (the) wife. That wasn't working so you both willingly tried a new approach. Fine. See where it goes. You both need a break.

My guess and my hope is that all this will turn out to be a good thing for both of you. If things couldn't go on like they were, better things should change - creating new opportunity for happiness.

Who knows where you will be a year from now. But, if next year was like last year, who'd want to do that over again anyway?

Good for both of you for trying for something better.

Good luck.

[TxKimberly]

I have to admit that I chose to stay away from this thread for fear that all i could say would be dripping with anger and sarcasm. The very thought that someone would be pleased over the breakup of their marriage just because it will offer them the freedom to dress more often . . . it just stuns me. My next thought was of the wives that read this and what conclusions they are going to draw from it. For over 21 years my wife has had that niggling fear that I might go back on my word and try and go full time, so I'd imagine that there are a lot of other wives here that worry about the same. Reading your thread is going to heighten that fear in their hearts, that fear that the dressing can mean more than their love. . .
My last thought how ever, is that maybe this is your way of coping, or trying to put a brave face on it. Maybe your really not that shallow, your just hurt and trying to put a positive spin things. I dunno . . .

[Momarie]

"......the first question out of my ex when she discovered the desires was when do you go all the way? She was somewhat floored when Iasked what she met as I was still quite innocent of all mthe implicatios of CDing. Anyway thank you all and love".

INNOCENT MY ASS!

[MsJanessa]

youre very lucky that money is not a problem and it seems emotionally that both of you have been way apart for a long time---It's good that you can leave each other without the financial and emotional fallout that often comes with a divorce---I wish you all the best ---one word of advice however let yourself get settled in your new single life before making the next major decision like whether or not to have SRS--good luck honey

[suchacutie]

What an incredible thread! I've read the two paragraphs from the starter of this thread, and if this is not a total goof on all of us, then it's clear this has been a very unusual marriage. However, it seems that there is a general trend of looking at this marriage through our own prisms, and in that light it's not comming off very well. There seem to be two extreme opinions:

1) egocentricity is ruling the process and heaven help them both.

2) they understand that they really don't get along and need to separate as amicably as possible, and that they are moving in this direction.

I can't tell which it is, but I'm sure glad I'm not there as it can't be an easy thing! My questions would revolve around wondering how it got to this point and how long it took. That must be a remarkable story!

tina

[LisaM]

Like a few others I have stayed away from this thread because I didn't want to write anything that I would regret but I've reconsidered after seeing what has been posted.

I do not think it is a 'real' post; the writing is unusual and the wording poor. I think it was written to cause the reaction which has transpired. It pushes too many buttons and lacks the normal empathy that occurs between 2 people in a marriage. That is just my opinion and I think it should be closed.

[Linda Mattson]

Not to beat a dead horse but....your reactions are either an indication that you actually wanted the divorce in which case you have lost all negotiating power by her going first and calling the shots or are so excited at the prospect of freedom that the pink fog is making you stupid.

Either way take a deep breath...be your own best friend and remember you got the rest of your life to review the decisions you are making today. Take your time...get a good lawyer and visit a counsellor to sort things out.

Remember experience is a great teacher but the tuition is awful high!

[Angie G]

Sounds like she made you a happy girl. Congrats I guess hun.
Angie

[diannecourtney]

Dear ladies: Many thanks for kind words from a few of you. Others sounded like I raised some guilt and I am truly sorry. Anyway we did the lawyer thing and it went well as we have built a strong relarionship in matters other thanCDing and politics. One note from the many comments, Karren Hutton brought up transforming; the first thing the wife asked when finding out the CDing was if I was going to do that. Well anyway at 6 ft and 210 one doesn'even think the possibility. Oh yes, I am sorry this went this far but appreciate haing the forum

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

I dunno...

My response is not meant to be mean...

The devil-may-care attitude of the OP makes me somehow think this isn't a serious post. I could be wrong.

If my assumption isn't wrong, than I feel bad for the both of you. Money is definitely the issue here because its stripped you of your humanity when it comes to things of a loving nature.

Your S/O will be able to find someone who has what she needs in that department. You can go on living in the pink fog that has clearly made you into something undesireable.

Zarabeth

[AmandaM]

Now, now, everyone, it sounds like this was a long time coming, and they're both glad to be rid of the other. If it was me, and my situation was like that, I might jump for joy too.

[Celeste]

Really,at least you parted ways before someone was injured.

[Jenniferpl]

be carefule what you wish for.

[diannecourtney]

All went aswell as can be accepted. She wants a man in her life and I need space and time. Thanks all for your thoughts and kind remarks.

[diannecourtney]

Dear ladies: Many thanks for your kind thoughts. We are now progressing towards the end. We have spoken of the future we have but after reading thru the various threads, I am wondering if tow ladies can make it work. CDing certainly makes the percentages work in favor of divorce for us regular types