Why Do We Bother

[Sheila]

as a GG, sometimes on the forum I wonder why we even bother to try to let you all know we are supportive, given the recent threads, [SIZE="3"]as to how much we are apparently NOT DOING[/SIZE], what is the point, it appears that whatever we do do we are always being asked to do more, perhaps some need to remember that while our partners are TG, we and our family and friends are generally not, & they are also an important part of our lives, & they also deserve out love and support ................... you know sometimes the pressure of being a supportive GG is tremendous, & I do not think some of you realise just how hard it can be

[Billijo49504]

I do!!! I tell my wife how much I love her every day And I try to spoil her a lot. We get a lot of hugsand both love shopping...:2c:...BJ

[Tamara Croft]

Well, apparently, all those GG's who's SO's have come out to them, should now be standing on roof tops telling everyone, their kids, their parents, their families, work etc etc... and risk losing everything :rolleyes: because if not, we're not doing our bit to help other TG's... seriously... what a crock of

[letsdance GG]

Couldn't have said it better myself!! No one had best tell me how I should live!! :bigsmack:

[cindym5_04]

I definitely appreciate how supportive my wife is and appreciate the other supportive GGs here as well. I tell my wife all the time how much it means to me to have her in my life and to have found someone to accept me for who I am.

I think all too often, too many people like to complain for the sake of complaining or want to stir the pot. I've encountered a lot of people (not just cd/tv/ts) that are constantly in the mindset of "x is never enough" - no matter what it is. So, my thought, to address this particular thread, is to ignore those that say "it's not enough". There are a lot of cd/tv/ts gals that also are so self-centered that, you are right, they don't consider anyone else's feelings. I think that being with a partner who is tv/ts/cd, like any other relationship, is give and take- both sides need to have understanding and both need to take each other into serious consideration. I do get tired of reading on here where so many of the t-girls are like "well, I'm going to do this when and where I please and she's just going to have to accept it". Those times I just think to myself, "selfish b*tch...make every one of us look bad too".

Sorry for the rant.

[Sarah...]

No one had best tell me how I should live!!

Quite.

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Sheila, fwiw, I do understand how difficult it is at least perhaps a little. It's my great good fortune in life to have a loving and supportive spouse, just as you are. Believe me, in many ways I would not want to be in her shoes and have to bear the burdens she does. While being TG has its difficulties, being the spouse of a tgirl has to be even harder. I know so many girls (tgirls) whose spouses and SO's have simply up and left because they could not deal with it. You and all other wives and SO's who stick with their men (I use the term generically) are a few in a million.

Perhaps I will get some flak over this, and I don't mean to tar all of us with the same brush, but in a lot of ways we're a pretty needy bunch. We want validation, support, praise, compliments, understanding, and oodles of time to indulge ourselves often without any thought of reciprocating. Don't worry, I didn't come up with this list, which is a very short one, all by myself. They are things my wife has sweetly pointed out for me in the spirit of bettering myself.

You, Sheila, and all the other wives and SO's who put up with us are incredible.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[cindym5_04]

Well, apparently, all those GG's who's SO's have come out to them, should now be standing on roof tops telling everyone, their kids, their parents, their families, work etc etc... and risk losing everything :rolleyes: because if not, we're not doing our bit to help other TG's... seriously... what a crock of

Tamara, you haven't realized that you ladies do nothing for us? I mean, come on, ONLY administrating the group and being supportive and giving us advice? We want more more more!! Do more for us!! You're not supportive ENOUGH!! **throws tantrum**

Couldn't have said it better myself!! No one had best tell me how I should live!! :bigsmack:

...Thanks. Now you've got Rihanna & T.I. "Live Your Life" stuck in my head...


To the gg's on the forum- thank you.

[Mary Morgan]

Sheila, you said it very well. I'd love to report that it will change for the better, that your comments will all be considered and responded to in a positive manner, but I see the same things, I'm even guilty of some of them. I can only promise you that will never take you or any of the other women here for granted, or make you responsible for my shortcomings.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

It's a bit counterproductive to come on a forum where a lot of the GGs are trying their hardest to be as supportive as they can be and be told we're not doing enough. Like Sheila, it makes me want to throw my hands up and say 'forget it'! I'm doing what I feel is best for my husband, my family, and me. It might not be as much as the next wife or SO, but it counts dammit! It counts!

[charlie]

Society looks at us as crazy losers that are just strange at best. Most GG's do so as well. You ladies are the only validation that we have (besides fellow TG's and CD's). Thanks so much for giving your advice and support. Thanks so much for calling us fools when warranted. I'm sorry for those here that rag on you saying "you do not understand or know what you are talking about". That small minority is going to wreck your good insights for the rest of us. Your thoughts and advice is a main reason for the success of this forum. An anchor in the storm so to speak.

[Deborah Jane]

Sheila my darling, without your support i wouldn't even be at the stage of acceptance i've reached with myself now

As far as i'm concerned, you are doing more than enough to support me with this, and i'm sure your being here has helped plenty of other members here to come to terms with themselves too

I just wish some people here would appreciate you and the other GGs for the support you all give

Thank you to all the GGs here ..............Especially to you Sheila, for being the love of my life and loving and supporting me for who i am

[Lissa Stevens]

I wish I had a wife like you ladies. I am sorry you feel like some of us don't appreciate you. I would like to thank you for being there and supporting your SO's and all of us on this forum. You are all very sweet and special ladies.

[Violetgray]

Um.. At the risk of sounding incredibly naive, if you, a gg, support me, and let me be me, then what else is there?

What is the "more" to demand?

[Miranda-E]

Um.. At the risk of sounding incredibly naive, if you, a gg, support me, and let me be me, then what else is there?

What is the "more" to demand?

exactly.

[cindym5_04]

Um.. At the risk of sounding incredibly naive, if you, a gg, support me, and let me be me, then what else is there?

What is the "more" to demand?

Money for shopping?

[Sheila]

Um.. At the risk of sounding incredibly naive, if you, a gg, support me, and let me be me, then what else is there?

What is the "more" to demand?

Apparently that we should be doing so bloody much more :Angry3::Angry3::Angry3:

If we say a CD should come out to their partner early, despite the dangers to the relationship, family, job, career etc... ..........................

[SIZE="3"]Shouldn't SO's? Shouldn't they risk their families, their friendships, their jobs even by being open about being in a rlationship with a CD (as well as any skeletons in their own closets)? Essentially if a SO thinks a CD should confess they are a CD despite the risk of others judgement should not the SO be willing to eqaullly share that burden?[/SIZE]

Sorry but my partner, my family (our kids especially) and the friends we have are also important as is their comfort levels ................ I willingly walk this road, wherever it leads Debs, but [SIZE="3"]I/WE HAVE NO RIGHT [/SIZE], to demand that those closest to us share that burden because Debs is TG & I choose to support her.

If I am going to demand that others support something, trust me TGism, would be not be top of my priority list ............. protecting kids and their rights would be my number one priority

[Miranda-E]

I have to agree with what was said in battybattybats quote.

Gender identity and expression is not a joke or a short term game. Its who the people in your life are. That shouldn't be hidden and kept behind closed doors. Only offering support thats hidden isn't offering support. It also sends a bad message to the transgendered person in the relationship that there really is somthing bad about them and that its something that will only be tolerated in secret.

Jobs come and go, friendships come and go. A persons human dignity should not be stripped away for convenience.

[SouthernBelle.GG]

...Only offering support thats hidden isn't offering support...

Thanks for that other slap in the face. Forgive me if I don't stick around and ask for another.

[LisaM]

I am afraid that I agree with Sheila (and Southern Belle).

I appreciate any support that I receive from my SO. I understand and concur with her concerns and boundaries.

Gender identity is a serious issue but my marriage and my family are more important and I need to let my SO know that more often.

For those that believe their gender expression is the most important issue in their world then maybe they should not be in a marriage (and, more importantly, let others know before having any relationship with them).

[Sheila]

I have to agree with what was said in battybattybats quote.

Gender identity and expression is not a joke or a short term game. Its who the people in your life are. That shouldn't be hidden and kept behind closed doors. Only offering support thats hidden isn't offering support. It also sends a bad message to the transgendered person in the relationship that there really is somthing bad about them and that its something that will only be tolerated in secret.

Jobs come and go, friendships come and go. A persons human dignity should not be stripped away for convenience.

So is it okay for my 12 year olds human dignity to be stripped, because I decide to support my partner who is TG .................. I don't think it is ............ unfortunately we live in the real world and nobody will tell me I should put my sons welfare before anybody, not for anything .... HE IS MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY, my elder 2 children are adults and I will also consider how our actions will reflect on their lives. my daughter has 2 babies. Debs has 3 children our kids come first, last and the whole way inbetween.

When Batty or any other TG steps outside the door openly & fully upfront as TG ( & I mean openly), maybe justy maybe he has earned the right to advise others until than no he does not .................. we can all if we wish support TG issues it does not mean we are a TG or in a relationship with a TG, or have TG relatives ................

When TG's decide to be open about who they are then we the GG's can stand beside them openly until then those that wish to remain in the closet to others other than their so have the same right to privacy and dignity as the rest of the world & nobody should be demanding anybody be shouting from the roof tops especially if they are more than happy to fight from the rear

[KarenCDFL]

Talk about a tense thread!

Everyone here has a different story to tell.

I told my wife well before we married, gave her a chance to learn about who I really was (or even back out) and she made the decision that I was the same person in a button down shirt and pants as I was in a dress. That was almost 16 years ago.

I appreciate her as one spouse to another should!

I very much appreciate her, not because I can be who I am, but the term "She Let's Me Dress up" has never come up. Ever!

When I hear or read that an SO has given their SO "PERMISSION" to dress, I just find that very controlling. And control breeds dissension in the relationship.

We have never had to set boundaries as I never took advantage of a great thing!

From what I see, a lot of cross dressers issues with
their SO's occur because they never told them before they got married. In this case anyone could understand problems occurring mainly because of trust and honesty issues.

Then there is "The kid in the candy store" who gets some acceptance and goes overboard.

The fact is, being a CD or TG at this stage of society is still odd behavior to most of the world so of course there are going to be problems in physically showing who we think we should be.

Hopefully in 20, 50.. 100 years all of this will be nonsense and people will live as they wish will full acceptance of others.

It has to happen. In the past, women and minorities were considered 2nd class citizens or even non-human. Not that these issues are totally gone but they are getting there.

The acceptance of sex and gender will get there too.

I know, I have drifted off a bit so let me say this:

I appreciate any GG who has the ability to understand their SO! She should be given presents, hugs and flowers on a regular basis. Not just because of the dressing, but just because.....

[JackieInPA]

Wow...just wow. I appreciate the help, advice , support given by anyone on this forum..but especially the GG's. Its them we are trying to imitate. As far as SO's we can be a heavy burden to bear on our wives, GF's, BF's. They face humiliation same as us, because of us. They take the chance that we will still love and respect them as we journey through this maze together. I get a little annoyed by my wife's boundries sometimes but then i see a story here about someone miserable because their SO wont let them at all, and i realize how good i have it, and my wife gets a foot massage.

to all the GG's on the board know this:

I believe there are many more people here who love and respect you because you love and respect us, than there are those who thing you owe us something...dont lose heart!!!

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Dear Belle-

What I've found, as a fairly new returned member to this site, is that there are as many points of view and ways of expressing them as there are members here. I don't always agree with what was expressed or how it was expressed. Most of the time I find myself nodding my head in agreement with points of view that coincide with my own and thinking what an exemplary and intelligent person they are or muttering imprecations and wondering at the obtuseness of people I don't agree with.

What I guess I'm trying to say is that if something is said that is hurtful or makes me angry, I don't necessarily assume that everyone here feels the same way. We don't. And I'm sure the vast majority of us do appreciate all the understanding, help and support we get from the natal women here.

Hugs...Joni Mari

Thanks for that other slap in the face. Forgive me if I don't stick around and ask for another.

[Di]

From this thread it seems everthing we do is NOT enough and we are even supposed to totally out our partner even if they do not want to be outted at work

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...d.php?t=108470


We GG's all do what we need to do for our kids, family, friends,work and esp partner. Alot of time new GG's come here and look for support.....then after a while they really are helping their partner accept themselves as well. Some are involved in outside things it it a personal thing AND WE ARE ALL HERE TO SUPPORT OTHERS AS WELL
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE WHATEVER WE DO IT SEEMS NOT TO BE ENOUGH as preached to us by someone without a job, without a partner and without children!!:Angry3::Angry3:
Tell us to out our partner to the family, at work and with the children. Give me a break!!
Yes Sheila I agree for some people it seems
why do we bother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!