Thanks for letting me know I don't pass

[Melissa A.]

I am wholeheartedly in agreement when it comes to civility, politeness, courtesy. I have no problem if you tell others you'd prefer to be called thus or such. It's the sense of entitlement expressed by some (not you) that I take issue with.

There's a bit of a difference between having a sense of entitlement and asking to be treated respectfully and with a minimum amount of decency. A sense of entitlement is generally cultivated, or taught, over long periods of time. Most who have this sense often don't even realise they are displaying it. Dominant social or economic groups are a good example. A spoiled adlolescent is another. A person who has had to learn, over time, to even be minimally confident when out in public can hardly be described as having a sense of entitlement. Myself as an example, I dress fairly plainly most of the time. Not for any reason but that I enjoy being comfortable. And again, I'm a ts, not a cd. Although I think there really shouldn't be a difference, to tell you the truth, the lone exception being that I don't have any chioce but to be out in the world. Some may think I "pass", some not. I really don't care about that. Up close and personal, most know I'm trans. But when you look at and interact with me, there is no doubt whatsoever about what sex I am presenting as. I am "asking" by my presentation, to not be adressed as a male. That's a very simple and non-threatening concept. Saying nothing at all is ok. But going out of one's way to let me know, especially verbally, that you're going to dig your heels in and refuse to give me that, because you know very well how disrespectful and demeaning that can be, is rude and unecessary. As I've repeated here, I don't get mad, jump up and down, throw tantrums. And I do realise that mistakes are made, some are unsure, and some feel uncomfortable. I get that. I smile and politely correct. But we arent talking about mistakes or a faux pas, here, generally. And when you take the two behaviors, going out of your way to insult or try to demean, compared to simply asking implicitly to be addressed properly, which is actually more selfish? Which is asking more of the other? This isnt a problem I run into very often. Most people are polite and gracious. But when it does, I say something. And I think anyone who does is justified. I suppose different people place the bar in different places. But to call asking to be teated respectfully and addressed obviously(Yes! obviously!) as you wish to be, "Stupid" or acting with a sense of entitlement, makes very little sense. The whole idea of trans-awareness, is to show people we arent monsters or freaks, and that we're their neighbors, relatives and friends. And yes, that we aren't going to tolerate being treated as such. If that sounds overly "angry" or "entitled" to you, so be it. I dissagree. And enough progress has been made, I think, to expect a small amount of respect and decency from people. That's not even close to any sense of entitlement.

Hugs,

Melissa