The Domino Effect of Outing Yourself

[Kathi Lake]

Gee, it started out so innocently, too.

One day, my admin had just had her nails done with French tips. She went to scratch her nose and gouged it a bit. Without thinking (my normal mode of operations) I said that one time after I had had my nails done that I had almost poked my eye out trying to scratch my nose. After about 30 seconds of her chewing this over (she's not the fastest, but she sure is decorative! ), she said "Wait, you've had acrylic nails? Like a girl?" When she said that, I realized what I had said and knew it was time to get out my tap shoes. I spun a story of a Halloween costume, courtesy of a friend who was both a cosmetologist and insane, and all of the prep work that she put me through (eyebrows, acrylic nails, waxing, makeup, wig, clothes, etc.). Well, she seemed fascinated, so I kept on going, piling on detail after detail. Sigh.

She then asked if I had any pictures. I paused, and she gave me that knowing smile and said "I knew it. You do have pictures. I wanna see!" To get her off my back, I promised to show her. It took a few days, but I finally brought them in on my iPhone. I used these pictures here:

I meant to just hold my phone and show her the first one, but she grabbed the phone and flipped through all the other pictures I had there, including the picture to the right. I told her that there were so many pictures in so many different outfits because my friend, the evil cosmetologist, wanted to try out different outfits to see which I looked the prettiest in. As I mentioned, she's not that bright, so I think she bought it.

Anyway, I promised her to secrecy. It worked out great, for awhile. Since she knows I'm in the military, she has always called me GI Joe. After that, she started calling me GI Jane or Girlfriend or other names. She had a friend with her at the reception desk one day as I came in from lunch. She called out "Hey pretty woman!" and her friend asked her why she called me that. She looked at me, I thought about it, and gave her the nod (I couldn't stop myself - her friend is incredibly cute!). When her friend saw the pictures, she couldn't believe it was me, said my legs would drive any man insane and said that I made an incredible woman. I told her all the things my friend did to me for the costume, thanked her for her compliments, and said that dressing up as a woman for Halloween seemed to be one of those "squares to be checked" by every man, and boy, was mine ever checked!

So, I was up to two women at work now. Not too bad, I guess.

Lately, it seems that women are coming out of the woodwork here to see my pictures. I'm thinking of just posting them in the break room. I told my admin that she might as well just e-mail them to the entire company.

A lot of them are bringing up this Halloween, hoping that I will do it again - many offering their help, their clothes, etc. I'm seriously considering it. One one hand, I would LOVE to click around our beautiful tile floors in my heels. On the other hand, would I be able to live it down? I've told my admin that I feel a bit self-conscious about the pictures. When she asked why, I showed her the pictures again and said "Think about it. If you were a guy and looked like this in a dress - if everyone told you what a beautiful woman you were and how pretty you are, wouldn't you be a bit self conscious?" She agreed, and then said, "But you are a pretty woman! Why feel bad about that?" Good point, I guess.

I guess we'll see what happens from here.

Kathi

[Joni Marie Cruz]

Just go for it, Kathi. Honestly, once you've told one person, potentially the whole world knows. What's that old sexist saying? "Telephone, telegraph, tell a woman." And you are gorgeous.

Hugs...Joni Mari

[savvy_fudge]

Interesting story and great pics. I'd say that you probably could, but that's from a Cdn army standpoint. I know a bunch of guys have done it for Hallowe'en, but it was more as a joke than anything. Remember you can always say the girls dragged you into it.

Hugs Savannah.

[cjflgirl]

wish I could do that unfortnately I work in a business that is paramilitary and that wouldn't work. I have been thinking about coming out and possibly transgendering not sure if I would lose my job because of that. It is very hard to think that as I love my job and not knowing what my friends and family think. I worry how my family would deal with it my father already knows as he found some old files on my old laptop I gave him(need to be careful thought disk drive was wiped clean) He has not said anything but made a comment about the files one day. Not sure if my grandfather could handle it he very old and frail he is the one I worry the most about.

[JaytoJillian]

I'd tread cautiously. You are the one with everything to lose, not the ladies on your jobsite.

[Deidra Cowen]

Cool story I enjoyed hearing about it...that would be fun to be able to tell folks at work!

[Sara Jessica]

Such a good read Kathi, watching those dominos fall like that. Looking forward to Halloween for the next chapter!!!

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I spun a story of a Halloween costume, courtesy of a friend who was both a cosmetologist and insane, and all of the prep work that she put me through (eyebrows, acrylic nails, waxing, makeup, wig, clothes, etc.). Well, she seemed fascinated, so I kept on going, piling on detail after detail. Sigh.

Sigh, I'm just going to have to say that the less plausible the story, the worse it is when the truth comes out. You'd probably have been better off to come clean.

I told her that there were so many pictures in so many different outfits because my friend, the evil cosmetologist, wanted to try out different outfits to see which I looked the prettiest in. As I mentioned, she's not that bright, so I think she bought it.

Might have worked on her, but probably not on others.

Anyway, I promised her to secrecy. It worked out great, for awhile.

Secrets are hard to keep. :-)

I told her all the things my friend did to me for the costume, thanked her for her compliments, and said that dressing up as a woman for Halloween seemed to be one of those "squares to be checked" by every man, and boy, was mine ever checked!

Do you know the worst thing a closeted TG person can do on Halloween? Dress in regular women's clothes on Halloween and NOT in a women's costume, and do it well. Why is that bad? Because it attracts more attention and gets remembered

Lately, it seems that women are coming out of the woodwork here to see my pictures.

Yep, some women are fascinated by the ability of a born male person to crossdress and do it well. They imagine "stubbly dude in an ugly dress and shoes with a bad wig and makeup" and then when they see pictures like those they find it interesting. So if anyone ever asks me about that one Halloween and if I ever dressed like a woman again, I'd come clean, because I'll have to eventually...I hope.

A lot of them are bringing up this Halloween, hoping that I will do it again - many offering their help, their clothes, etc. I'm seriously considering it.

Personally, I wouldn't. You and I both know you don't need their help, so if you do it without asking for assistance they might get an idea that you know what you know, unless you use the "cosmetologist friend" story again. And if they see you in the flesh, moving, walking in those heels, primped and polished and being very comfortable with it, some of the more aware ones might guess. And they'd know that you had lied before.

I've told my admin that I feel a bit self-conscious about the pictures........She agreed, and then said, "But you are a pretty woman! Why feel bad about that?" Good point, I guess.

I guess we'll see what happens from here.

Kathi

Again, I think you should come clean to the admin, at least. I know "This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" can be troublesome in such situations, but lying isn't good.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[TGMarla]

Opportunity knocks, but remember....you're not a circus act or a sideshow for everyone's amusement. Are they wondering on this just for the novelty of seeing someone they know in drag? And this is at work. They say that animals don't poop where they eat. That may be good advice.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Sounds like you female co-workers are behaving like sisters dressing up their bother in pretty clothes just to see how he looks. A lot of the reaction you are getting is just normal curiosity all that line. Do read anything into it.

[Miranda09]

Talk about the domino effect. Hey, just go with it and bask in the attention. You know, pics ALWAYS do it as everyone wants to see!

[Starr]

Sounds like a fun time to me..

[Kathi Lake]

Again, I think you should come clean to the admin, at least. I know "This Thing of Ours of Varying Kinds" can be troublesome in such situations, but lying isn't good.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

Yes, I know (hangs head in shame).

I'm sure I will, I have just been so used to tap-dancing all of my life that the truth just seems a bit harder. At least I don't have to tap dance to my wife anymore.

Kathi

[tricia_uktv]

Better out than in, but make sure your HR department are aware. Life is fun!

[catriona36]

make her a deal... tin out and do a cancer collection at the same time.. make it a work event so that way you will not be the only one

[Shelby]

I once did the same thing at a job, showed some coworkers a few pics from a show I did and of course told them that this was only done for entertainment purposes. Luckily, no one ever said anything more about it after that.

I think you should tell your admin the truth, but understand how hard it will be to do so. I would wait for the opportunity to mention it though. Are there any men working in this place? What do they think, know or say if all the women around there know?

[nancyish]

Dear Kathi you are just that,one of us out there,representing a lot of us who are shy,afraid ,hiding or in denial.I would never judge you 4 how hard a thing you are trying to do or intimidate you by pretending to be more confident in how I would handle your situation.I'm sure you represent us all and do us proud at that.Best of luck and always be yourself-What's Not To Love? Nancy

[RobertaM]

Wow,
You are one bold lady, my hat off to you, I totally understand where you are coming from. I too have been having a need to out myself. I have been thinking? Why do we do this? My conclusion, We are having so much joy and inner sole happiness being en femme that we want to share.

I hope you understand that the Pandora's box is opened in that you are "OUT" with all the positive and negative repercussions that brings. I so hope it works out for you, and i know it will.
Ciao Roberta

[Teri Jean]

Kathi,
I have been following your post in that I'm tied to the military through the Legion. Like yourself being an officer we are under more of the microscope than most. But the post of the domino effect and showing pictures is more like a frieght train on a steep grade. I wore a outfit to work last halloween and since then my cuteness is all over the campus. When one thinks about it I have touched at least 400 to 1200 employees. The clerical, who took pictures made sure they were circulated and it has been interesting. I was dressed as a wench but may this year a call-girl? Have fun but be safe.

Keli

[jennifer easton]

Geeeeze you are a gorges woman,the curve thing is what makes you and of cores your hair, your legs,you are just one big girly package I hate you, NOT!!!

[Kathi Lake]

I totally understand where you are coming from. I too have been having a need to out myself. I have been thinking? Why do we do this? My conclusion, We are having so much joy and inner sole happiness being en femme that we want to share.

I hope you understand that the Pandora's box is opened in that you are "OUT" with all the positive and negative repercussions that brings. I so hope it works out for you, and i know it will.
Ciao Roberta

Thanks Roberta. You've described it perfectly. A need. It is almost a need. I want other women to know who I am. I've probably gone about it the wrong way with the Halloween story, but it's what I started with, and until I have the stones to come out fully, that's what it will be.

Are there any men working in this place? What do they think, know or say if all the women around there know?

We have about 140 people here - about half and half. So far, one man knows, but the admin also calls him "Metro" and "Girlfriend" as well - I'm not sure why. Maybe I need to investigate that story further. The three of us went to lunch today, and my admin said that we were having a "girls-only" lunch (the admin, Metro and myself).

make her a deal... tin out and do a cancer collection at the same time.. make it a work event so that way you will not be the only one

Hmmmm. Interesting. That might just fly. I'll think abut that. I have heard about events like that, "Cancer is a Drag" dressup days and the like. Thanks!

Geeeeze you are a gorges woman,the curve thing is what makes you and of cores your hair, your legs,you are just one big girly package I hate you, NOT!!!

Ummmm, thanks. As I jokingly say, I think God gave me this body as a joke, but so far, I'm laughing along with - and loving it.

Kathi

[Nicole Erin]

Hmm, well, couple things -
Are you getting your DD-214's anytime soon? I don't remember if you said you were about out or not. If not, how bad would things get if your unit knew of Kathi? I just hopw nothing bad comes of it.

About being out and the stories of "halloween" or "playing dress up by other femmes" - Well, when we watch an expert do work, we know he or she IS an expert by the way they seem to do even complicated things flawlessly. As someone said - if you are there, carrying yourself as a woman, not clunking about, not acting like it is a big joke or acting nervous, they wil know you are an expert in the field of self-feminization. Experts cannot really hide their true skills.

I don't know though, that whole military thing would just worry me. I was in several years ago, low rank enlisted, and before I was hardcore TG. I think it is a lot of stress being government property.

[Alessandra]

In a way i believe that that would be a great opportunity that i would love to have but in a way it does put you in a difficult situation as you said.

[Kathi Lake]

Hmm, well, couple things -
Are you getting your DD-214's anytime soon? I don't remember if you said you were about out or not. If not, how bad would things get if your unit knew of Kathi? I just hope nothing bad comes of it.

. . . As someone said - if you are there, carrying yourself as a woman, not clunking about, not acting like it is a big joke or acting nervous, they wil know you are an expert in the field of self-feminization. Experts cannot really hide their true skills.

Nope. Just gave them another four years last month, so still government property. You are right, I would have to do a really bad job on my makeup and walk really badly in my heels to pull it off (or not pull it off, I guess), and I don't know if my feminine pride would let me do that. If not, my presentation and comfort as a woman might indeed just tip them off. Sigh. Decisions, decisions.

Kathi

[carolinewalker_2000]

Kathi,

I do understand you dilema vis a vis the military, but.....if you have supportive colleagues and you don't go over the top; what an opportunity!!

Does the US military have Halloween parties the way the rest of the States seem to?