The Domino Effect of Outing Yourself

[Sophie_C]

Look, I say just OWN it. Do not apologize for it, whatsoever, but remind people of your situation and to keep things "a little hush" (like a secret you ALL share). It seems like you're really becoming a favorite of the office!

This reminds me of recently at my city's pride parade how the ladies were all cheering on and even complementing the TVs/CDs, and how much progress really has happened. I'm not sure if I'm up for being out of the closet yet, but thank God it's becoming a lot less scary than it used to be.

[Sally2005]

There is no better cover story than having the office full of girls help you dress up for halloween. If anyone says anything just say you did it for them since they seemed to really want to do it. Everyone will tease you a little about it for years afterwards, but if you ride with it, it can be fun and people will respect your courage. If anyone asks why you did something, just tell them they gave you the idea... On the day, just walk a bit like a lumberjack and use your male voice and laugh at any comments like you make a good girl etc etc... if adventurous, tell some of the girls doing halloween with them was fun and you wondered how passable you could be around unsuspecting people..see if any bite and offer to bring you out sometime as an experiment.

[carolinewalker_2000]

Good advice Sally; particularly the suggestion to lay a few trails for a possible follow up.

[PretzelGirl]

Nope. Just gave them another four years last month, so still government property. You are right, I would have to do a really bad job on my makeup and walk really badly in my heels to pull it off (or not pull it off, I guess), and I don't know if my feminine pride would let me do that. If not, my presentation and comfort as a woman might indeed just tip them off. Sigh. Decisions, decisions.

Kathi

If your feminine pride would handle it, I could do your make-up then you would look like a guy's first attempt! :D

Kidding on that, but do tread carefully Kathi. You are pretty aggressive with your dressing and it suits you well, but I would hate to see it mess with your work.

Best of luck!

[Kathi Lake]

... if adventurous, tell some of the girls doing halloween with them was fun and you wondered how passable you could be around unsuspecting people..see if any bite and offer to bring you out sometime as an experiment.

Ooooohh! I like the way you think, girl! Could be fun. Some of the ladies at work are very interesting. There's one who you can tell is a serious fun-loving man-eater. She got three things out of her last divorce - a Harley and double-D left and double-D right.

If your feminine pride would handle it, I could do your make-up then you would look like a guy's first attempt! :D

Kidding on that, but do tread carefully Kathi. You are pretty aggressive with your dressing and it suits you well, but I would hate to see it mess with your work.

Best of luck!

Awww, come on, Sue. I'm sure you do fine. Heck, I'm still pretty amateurish at this makeup thing as well. By the way, what do you mean by "agressive" with my dressing? Being out there? Frequency?

Kathi

[PretzelGirl]

Awww, come on, Sue. I'm sure you do fine. Heck, I'm still pretty amateurish at this makeup thing as well. By the way, what do you mean by "agressive" with my dressing? Being out there? Frequency?
Kathi

I am still like a kid with big, fat crayons when putting on make-up. Beginner extraordinaire!

Bad word choice, sorry. I meant more that you are not inhibited by those around you. You are very comfortable in your own skin.

[paulaN]

What does your wife think of you coming out? You are walking on very thin ice ya know. In fact it may be too late to turn back now. I wish you the best. Be careful with the choices you make today, you will have to live with the consequences tomorrow.

[Kathi Lake]

What does your wife think of you coming out? You are walking on very thin ice ya know. In fact it may be too late to turn back now. I wish you the best. Be careful with the choices you make today, you will have to live with the consequences tomorrow.

Thanks Paula, I'm trying to think with my brain and not my gonads - a very difficult thing for a guy to do. On one hand, it would be nice to get it all out in the open, allowing me to be who I am. On the other hand, work relationships would probably never be the same. I am trying to let it all die down, but then see things like this on her Facebook account - a picture of me with the following caption:

[CharleneT]

I recently have been outing myself to a small group of vanilla friends.... a postOp TS friend of mine suggested that I be careful, because ".. once the genie is out of the bottle it can be hard to put her back...". Indeed. With the first person I told, I asked that she not spread it around for now ... she promptly informed 6 others. My TS friend had said it was a secret very few can keep and she appears to be right. Those that now know, that I didn't want right away seemed to have reacted positively, so no real downside ( other than I'll never tell that one woman a secret again in my life).

[JOJO44]

Gee, it started out so innocently, too.

One day, my admin had just had her nails done with French tips. She went to scratch her nose and gouged it a bit. Without thinking (my normal mode of operations) I said that one time after I had had my nails done that I had almost poked my eye out trying to scratch my nose. After about 30 seconds of her chewing this over (she's not the fastest, but she sure is decorative! ), she said "Wait, you've had acrylic nails? Like a girl?" When she said that, I realized what I had said and knew it was time to get out my tap shoes. I spun a story of a Halloween costume, courtesy of a friend who was both a cosmetologist and insane, and all of the prep work that she put me through (eyebrows, acrylic nails, waxing, makeup, wig, clothes, etc.). Well, she seemed fascinated, so I kept on going, piling on detail after detail. Sigh.

She then asked if I had any pictures. I paused, and she gave me that knowing smile and said "I knew it. You do have pictures. I wanna see!" To get her off my back, I promised to show her. It took a few days, but I finally brought them in on my iPhone. I used these pictures here:

I meant to just hold my phone and show her the first one, but she grabbed the phone and flipped through all the other pictures I had there, including the picture to the right. I told her that there were so many pictures in so many different outfits because my friend, the evil cosmetologist, wanted to try out different outfits to see which I looked the prettiest in. As I mentioned, she's not that bright, so I think she bought it.

Anyway, I promised her to secrecy. It worked out great, for awhile. Since she knows I'm in the military, she has always called me GI Joe. After that, she started calling me GI Jane or Girlfriend or other names. She had a friend with her at the reception desk one day as I came in from lunch. She called out "Hey pretty woman!" and her friend asked her why she called me that. She looked at me, I thought about it, and gave her the nod (I couldn't stop myself - her friend is incredibly cute!). When her friend saw the pictures, she couldn't believe it was me, said my legs would drive any man insane and said that I made an incredible woman. I told her all the things my friend did to me for the costume, thanked her for her compliments, and said that dressing up as a woman for Halloween seemed to be one of those "squares to be checked" by every man, and boy, was mine ever checked!

So, I was up to two women at work now. Not too bad, I guess.

Lately, it seems that women are coming out of the woodwork here to see my pictures. I'm thinking of just posting them in the break room. I told my admin that she might as well just e-mail them to the entire company.

A lot of them are bringing up this Halloween, hoping that I will do it again - many offering their help, their clothes, etc. I'm seriously considering it. One one hand, I would LOVE to click around our beautiful tile floors in my heels. On the other hand, would I be able to live it down? I've told my admin that I feel a bit self-conscious about the pictures. When she asked why, I showed her the pictures again and said "Think about it. If you were a guy and looked like this in a dress - if everyone told you what a beautiful woman you were and how pretty you are, wouldn't you be a bit self conscious?" She agreed, and then said, "But you are a pretty woman! Why feel bad about that?" Good point, I guess.

I guess we'll see what happens from here.

Kathi

Please keep us posted! I hope whatever you decide, it works out well!

Love,
Jo

[JOJO44]

Kathi Lake

make her a deal... tin out and do a cancer collection at the same time.. make it a work event so that way you will not be the only one

All the males in the company need to dress with the women helping them, then run and auction where the high bidder takes the "lady" out to dinner (or whatever).
This is possibly the best route that I see, but you are the "victim" here and you need to decide (in case it does not go away) what route you need to follow.
Love,
Jo

[Kathi Lake]

An interesting concept as well. That way, everybody gets to dress up (especially me ) and everybody wins. Thanks!

Kathi

[Jessica Who]

Wow, Kathi, that's terrific. I'm glad that you shared this story, thanks. You certainly chose some great pictures to show, way to go girl

[daisygurl462]

Thanks for sharing the story! It sounds like something out of crossdressing fiction story! Who knows...maybe you'll make some really nice gal friends out this situation.

[Kathi Lake]

Thanks for sharing the story! It sounds like something out of crossdressing fiction story! Who knows...maybe you'll make some really nice gal friends out this situation.

Thanks Jen, I sincerely hope that it has the type of ending of a crossdresser-fiction story. So far, all of the women who know (around 5-6) treat me pretty normally - if not better than before they knew. Not exactly the kind of ice-breaker that I'd normally choose, but, . . .

Kathi

[Lauren Richards]

Kathi,
I agree with your admin: "you are a pretty woman. Why feel bad about that?" It is still a while until Halloween, so you have plenty of time to consider the options. The closest I came to dressing at work was when I wore a long skirt and heels with my standard long-sleeve button down shirt one Halloween. Lots of folks ask me to go further the next year, but the company down-sized before that could occur. I think I miss the chance I would have had to come in fully enfemme more than the job, actually. Whatever you decide will be the best decision, so trust yourself and it will work out fine. Great photos.

Lauren

[Kathi Lake]

Kathi,
I agree with your admin: "you are a pretty woman. Why feel bad about that?" It is still a while until Halloween, so you have plenty of time to consider the options. The closest I came to dressing at work was when I wore a long skirt and heels with my standard long-sleeve button down shirt one Halloween. Lots of folks ask me to go further the next year, but the company down-sized before that could occur. I think I miss the chance I would have had to come in fully enfemme more than the job, actually. Whatever you decide will be the best decision, so trust yourself and it will work out fine. Great photos.

Lauren

Thanks Lauren! The more I think about it, the, uh, . . well, the more I think about it.

I obviously don't want to miss an opportunity, but don't want to have a bad experience either. I will trust myself, and continue to monitor the feelings of those around me. If it looks like a "Go' then it should be fun. I will let them do the work, though. That way, it won't be me showing up at work primped and pretty and looking like my pictures above and saying, "What? The makeup? Yeah, I did it myself. It wasn't that hard. Oh, the heels? Nah, it's not that hard to walk in them. Have I done this before? Golly gee, no. Hey, why are you looking at me that way?"

Kathi

[paulaN]

Kathi you are so stunning. I had to say that. Remember it only takes one to screw the whole thing up. Like one phone call to the army from some red neck hick. You know the kind. The kind that can not handle any deviation from there idea of normal. The same kind that puts people like us in the sick category. nuff said. Be careful!!!!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Laci6]

Two words, DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am actually VERY envious!!!! Enjoy!!!

["Mary"]

Tread carefully. This could be great, but avoid being too much of a spectacle at work. I like the "everybody does it event" idea. good luck with this.

[Kathi Lake]

Kathi you are so stunning. I had to say that. Remember it only takes one to screw the whole thing up. Like one phone call to the army from some red neck hick. You know the kind. The kind that can not handle any deviation from there idea of normal. The same kind that puts people like us in the sick category. nuff said. Be careful!!!!!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redneck hicks in Utah? Gee, that would never happen! Thanks Paula, I'll be careful.

Tread carefully. This could be great, but avoid being too much of a spectacle at work. I like the "everybody does it event" idea. good luck with this.

Mary (like the new name, by the way), as I am pretty much a goofball anyway, I am usually a spectacle - though not usually in a dress.

Kathi

[Kathi Lake]

Wow, it seems that my admin has been quiet almost a whole month! It seems that she's getting excited about me going with them on their GNO (Girl's Night Out), and just had to tell someone else at work. I was walking by her desk Friday and she was chatting with a girl from Finance. I didn't know what about, but I heard the Finance girl say, "That's him?! Holy crap, he's pretty!" I startled them when I said, "Who are we talking about?" knowing full and well who she was talking about. Sigh. They both jumped, and the finance girl smiled at me and said, "Oh my gosh! You make a hot woman! Much hotter than me." Sadly, even though I have made small children scream and older ones throw up a little in their mouths, she was right.

I started another e-mail thread reminding her that this was supposed to be a secret, and that I get a bit self-conscious when this gets mentioned. Here is her response:

Gi Joe sorry to make ya feel self conscious… You really do look damn hot as a girl… I’m just amazed and of course jealous of the legs… We all rave about lot more than just you looking good as a girl… From how super sweet you are to how fun you are.. Would never mean to hurt your feel bads promise… All in fun I will delete your pic…
I guess we'll see how long this lasts.

Kathi

[JOJO44]

I'll say a prayer that all goes well.
Love,
Jo

[Crysten]

Kathi Kahi Kathi.....

You are either the bravest.....

Or the craziest.....

Person on this forum.

And I can't decide which

And those girls are right - you look great!!

Best of luck with coming out (or not) at work....

[Susan.]

I don't know how many pictures the admin saw, but she would have to be pretty dumb not to realize that there is something special about your pictures. You pose really well beside looking like a classy GG. Even on this site you are one of the few girls that has the complete package (well I don't know about the voice).

You will have to totally blow this out of the water one way or the other. Like you said your feminine side may not let you present yourself as merely a man in a dress. So this will totally out you or put most of it back in the bottle.

It is hard coming out in a conservative area, so it may be a life changing decision you make. If I looked as beautiful as you do I might consider outing myself. Remember, for every female that thinks you are beautiful there will be another co-worker who thinks you are a pervert or gay. You know the list.

Good luck Kathi!!