GG Needs guidance please....

[Ediosa]

I have to agree with most ladies here. Your an incredible woman, and he's lucky to have you. Now, it's time for a nice little sit down and tell him that you know this and that. It's time to figure who he is and what he wants. I really like the statement one of these ladies said, "I suggest you say, "Look, bub, you've picked a pretty smart cookie to hang out with. Here's what I think is going on. Now, what do you think is going on?"".

Good luck, and I hope everything goes well. Welcome to our little world.

[nicky22]

Wow what great advice. I have so much clarity now, as opposed to a few days ago it's like night and day. Getting on a plane in a few hours and will be dealing with all of this very very soon. Actually, I'm almost kind of looking forward to it after everything I've heard from all of you. Maybe it's an adventure and not such a thing to confront, which is what it felt like a few days ago. Thank you all so much...I am printing out all of your replies to read and re-read on the plane. You have no idea how much you've al helped me...and him/her and he/she has no idea xxxxxxxxNickyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Eve_WA]

Good luck dear! But it sounds like youve got a great handle on it and a wonderful attitude! That is the big thing. Your a very special person and your SO is a very lucky person to have you! I wish you all the best!

Eve

[cocopuff's girl GG]

HI, I was in your shoes 3 years ago, funny it don't seem that long ago. I have been with my SO for 5 years and he had been secretly wearing panties and possibly some other things for about 9 month's and I didn't have a clue. He had a stash and it was hid very well. He's a truck driver, imagine that... My foundation and some other make-up was missing and he had it in his back pocket hiding. I saw it, questioned him about it and he came clean a little bit at the time. Getting him to be truthful about his CDing was like pulling teeth. Each thing I discovered always had a lie tagged to it. For instance he said he had started shaving under his arms cause the hair pulled when he wore shirts.. LOL right and then he started shaving his legs and said cause same thing his hair pulled. Another fib. Finally I did as you are gonna need to and ask straight out to come clean and be honest. His lying to me in the beginning really caused alot of problems for us cause he would go to great length's to make up stuff. Once he knew I knew, he still denies some feelings I beleive he has. Yes, my first question was are you gay or attracted to males. For me that would have been a deal breaker. His answer was no but in the back of my mind I wonder if he was would he tell me??? Not trying to scare you If he were gay why would he be with me?? That is what I tell myself when I start that stinking, thinking...LOL So now he shaves his legs and underarms. He is not a very hairy person and what he does have is blonde. He has one small patch in the middle of his chest and my compromise is that he leaves that cause I said that is my spot. LOL I'd do like the other post has said and pick the right time and you do need to discuss it cause he may promise that he will purge ( get rid of) all of it but trust me it will eventually pop back up. Most likely this is something he has been doing for a very long time all in secret. Most say it started from childhood. Mine finally said his was from childhood. My SO wears panties everyday and wears some either or clothes( meaning unisex clothes) came from the women's section but doesn't scream woman. He has a wig and more panties than me..LOL More bra's than me. He only dresses once in a while with me. He seems content right now anyway with that. Our rule is do not lie about it and don't overdo. He can get carried away sometimes and I have to bring it to his attention and if it bothers me I tell him. Communication is the key. One thing he and I are going to do together soon is pedicures. I get them all the time but he never has besides what I do for him at home. I am going to take him with me to the nail shop and he's gonna get the works and I dare anyone in there to say a word. LOL I want this to be a good experience for him. remember and I appologize for being soo winded, but remember under the panties and bra forms, make-up or any of it, underneath is your man. It's only clothes and this makes him very happy. Freak out sessions is normal cause this is very different but if you love him you can make this work but you have to tell him what you can live with and he has to be honest. I hope I have helped.

[Gerard]

I agree communication is probably key.

It might be a while before both of you are fully comfortable to be honest to each other though, males and especially crossdressers are trained to hide their thoughts and feelings. It's a hard habit to shake.

I also think it's important that the non-crossdresser in the relationship sets the pace of things, and applies the brakes if needed. Just both try to be understanding of each other and honest about where the whole thing is going.

[sherri52]

You can't change how he feels inside. We like the feel and the femininity of crossdressing. He can still be manly when he is with you an/or friends, but his femininity will come out even if it is only at home. Incourage him to come out of the closet with you and it will give the two of you another place to bond. He may never take it out of the house but he'll still need your love and understanding

[marisa]

hi nicky. sorry about the long post but i would like to share my story with you. first off i'd like to say that you've got a great chance to have something very special in your relationship. i have been with my gf for almost 2 wonderfull years. after about 3ish months into our relationship i was able to see a very possible life long partener. so i started asking questions in a light and humours way to try a get a feel for if she could handle my other side. sometimes i felt she could and sometimes i felt she couldn't. up untill this point i had never told any of my past gf's about this part of my life. at the 5ish month point i couldn't just let this progres without speaking up. we joke about it now and just refer to that day as " the sunday". we went out for a late breakfast and just talked about things. i was so scared and not able to find the words i wanted. then she opened a door that gave me a chance. she asked me how open minded i was. and so it began. after we got back to her place she went in and made some coffee and i stayed outside to finish my smoke and grab a couple of pictures out of my truck. we sat down and i tried to explain things as i handed her the pic's. then came a bunch of questions and did my best to be as honest as i possibly could. there was q's i couldn't answer cause i just didn't have an answer. but the key here is that i was honest with her. i was almost in tears that day and that was the hardest conversation i have ever had because i was unsure of the response i was gonna get. i'll never forget that moment when she said " is that it" then leaned over and gave me a very tender kiss and told me i love you no matter what. our relationship has gotten very strong since then and she doesn't care how much or how often i get all dolled up. plus i now have a someone to try and look good for. she even helps with my make up and in helping to find clothing. we can even share some of our clothes. she loves the fact that she has a bf and a gf all rolled up in one, dispite the fact i have better legs and eyelashes and a bigger chest.lol. . she's even told me that should i need or want to take marisa to the next level she will support me and stand beside me. i now have a body gaurd,lol. be patient and under standing and things will work out just fine. relationships like this can be very rewarding for both people.

[tricia_uktv]

Hi Nicky.

What I know is that you've got a loving, caring man. But he is transgendered and will need to show himself as he feels he is. What you need to know is whether you can live with his girl side or not. I would say have a think and let him dress up away from you for a while. In a hotel, in another town.You may end up enjoying it, you may not but at least it won't affect you. It will also show how much he needs to do it. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Hugs

[dawnmarrie1961]

Nicky, I can understand why you are so alarmed at the revelation that your boyfriend is , without a doubt, a crossdresser. By asking for advice here you are going to get a lot of responses from people with good intentions suggesting that you accept that part of him without regard to yourself for your needs as a woman. That not doing so would be, in some ways, selfish of you.They will tell you that "cross dressing" is has nothing to do with your boyfriend sexuality as a male and they may be right in that declaration. Most of us are heterosexual in orientation.

People cross dress for a variety of reasons.

For some of us,it is just for the "Fantasy" and the erotic sexual stimulation that it provides.Kind of a fictitious girl on girl action that men find arousing. If that is the case . Then you can consider it as being just a "sex game"that that doesn't need to leave the bedroom. Weather or not it is included as part of your sexual relationship is entirely up to your consent and how comfortable you feel with it. That's your "choice".

Some of us, use it as a form of anti-depressant, a kind of self-help medication that you don't need a prescription for. The reasons for doing this can often be buried deep in the subconscious mind or in our past. It doesn't mean that your boy friend is a complete "basket case". It just means he has a few issues, like everybody else , that he hasn't dealt with yet.This type of behavior is often starts at a very young age. The person feels that they are unable to talk to anyone, family members or friends about their problems and the behavior is used as a method of coping.Talking to someone close usually helps bring out the memories and it also helps to have a shoulder to cry on because sometimes remembering things hurts a lot.

For some of us, is used as a form of rebellion with societies sexual norms. They just like the feeling that they are doing something naughty. It gives them an adrenaline rush like sky diving ,but not nearly as dangerous.

For some of us, it is our identity. It is "who" we are. We actually perceive ourselves as being female, to some extent. Maybe not fully. But enough so that it makes us feel uncomfortable in our own skin. We try to go through life dressed in the costume of being what society wants us to be, husbands, fathers, boyfriends, but all the time feeling sadly disconnected. Many of us have gone through the vast majority of our lives being dishonest with ourselves and those around us. When we finally try to come to terms with who we are it causes a lot of turmoil in our lives and the lives of those we love. Unfortunately it has to be done to achieve any sense of inner peace with ourselves.

For some it may be a combination of any of these at the same time to varying degrees of extremes.


Without knowing more information about your BF it would not be appropriate for me to suggest anything to you other than that you both sit down and have a productive conversation about the subject. He needs to listen to your concerns as well and be responsive to them.

I can see that you really love this person. Love can often give us the strength and wisdom to overlook the faults in each other and give us the keen visual perception to see the beauty that lies beneath the beast.

Be Safe. Be smart.

Dawn Marrie

[JenetGG]

Hi Nicky,

Welcome to this unique and unusual ride. It's different isn't it? Different can be amazing, thrilling and exciting though. There is so much adventure available here and what I have learned in my 2 short years of this exploration is that we GG's usually have very similar initial fears and concerns. You are doing the best thing by researching and reaching out to be in dialogue with those of us who are in this world. It's the best way to tackle the fears one by one and get them resolved. My fiance and I have been an awesome team in taking these on together. It has been a challenge but everytime we contact and resolve an issue, our connection just gets deeper and expands. In life, we have a choice in how we interpret what happens. I consider that my darling's CD'ing is actually an expression of his being gifted and a more evolved being who has the passion and courage to explore another dimension of what it is to be human...a female human. We are well matched because I get to do that too. How wonderful an opportunity to explore male/female experiences society cuts us off from being allowed to express. Our relationship is about growth and this adventure is a powerful and exciting access to that.

[Crysten]

I would say you're very accepting already, which is great. How accepting are you willing to be is another question altogether. You love him, no question, but will you continue to love him/her as you loved him? This seems to be the crux of the situation.

It may be that he's not sure exactly where he stands WITHIN HIMSELF, never mind where he stands with you. And it may be that you're not sure where you're going to end up with this either.

So, all I can say is.....take it slowly. If it's meant to be then AWESOME, but it's going to take some flexibility on BOTH your parts. Are you willing to settle for something that may not be EXACTLY what you wanted? Toleration only goes so far. Only you can answer what you want out of life and out of the relationship you're in.

I would say my wife generally tolerates my dressing, BUT, she is fully aware that 1) I'm not gay, and 2) I'm not transexual. Either one of these would be a dealbreaker for her, I'm sure.

Best wishes, and good luck

[ReineD]

I don't know how I've missed this thread. You've gotten tons of great advice, but if I were to echo one of them it would be Cocopuff Girl's post #54.

[Sherry-Stephanie]

All I'll say is good luck and hope it all works out for the both of you and you both can have fun with this....

If she is in your size on anything then that's a bonus....both of you can double your wardrobe....if not thena t least the jewelry and accessories can be shared....a added benefit....(evil grin)....

[Lucy Long Legs]

You are so sympathetic and lovely!
Probably one hurdle you may encounter is that he(she) will be unwilling or unable to take the lead in bed. Somehow, when one is all dressed up to be girly, it is difficult or even impossible to be the raging bull!
This has caused problems in our house, but I'm pleased to say we have found a way round it.
Lucy

[PaulaJaneThomas]

The best thing you can do is get him to join the Beaumont Society. Then the pair of you can go to the various meetings, meet other TGs and their wives/girlfriends and probably form a few new friendships with people from your area. The internet is useful but it's a poor substitute for real life.

[sandra diaz]

Hello Nicky, That’s beautiful what you doing for the person you love. I’m going to tell you a little bit of my own story, perhaps this will help you. My wife, few years ago found my panties and other womens clothes. Since e I didn’t have any excuse I told her the truth. Just like you, she tried to get close to me by suggesting shopping and others women’s things together. Most of the CD’s jump in to a rush of trying to do things to fast and forget about the other person feelings. Just talk to him and take it slow. You need time to adapt and build things slowly. It took more than two years for my wife realize that I’m the same person that married her and I love her more than ever. Now we had been out (me in femme) and she knows that this is part of my life as much as her love. Just simple tell him to take it easy. I hope this help you. Kisses, Sandra