Do I Pass?

[vivianann]

Awesome story Kim. I do not pass either, however peaple are so supportive and respect me because I am comfortable in my own skin, and I show confidence when I am dressed enfemme. I love it when I am approached by GG's and complimented about my courage or the way I dress.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

As others have pointed out, in this thread and others, you don't know about the stuff that goes on behind your back.

Nor should we care.

[Melinda G]

Honestly, in my experience, most girls accept us.

Correction. Most girls accept us as long as they aren't going with us. Then it's a different story. Just like most girls accept gays, and think they are cute, but don't want to date them.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

For instance we might imagine a scoring list:

1. You look like a clown or a drag queen - nobody's fooled for a moment
2. You look like a man in a dress - people wonder what your game is
3. You look like a crossdresser - nobody's fooled and some are offended
4. You look like a good crossdresser - you carry yourself with positivity, confidence, and dignity, so even though you're read within minutes you still get respect
5. You look like a woman in most circumstances
6. You look like a woman in all circumstances for hours at a time
7. You look like a woman in all circumstances.

Now, I guess many of us are at the brink between stage 3 and stage 4, which is possibly the riskiest place to be. But having had Kim's experience of phase 4 more than once, I know it's worth the effort.

I actually don't agree with this list. To me it still emphasizes that the ultimate goal should be looking like a woman in all circumstances (since it's the highest "score.")

Why is it better to look like a woman in all circumstances than to look like a man in a dress (only 2 points, one notch above "Clown")? I've worn the "Guy in a skirt" look many more times than I've dressed en femme, and I don't consider either one to be a "higher score."

[Gerard]

Nor should we care.

I do care. My dad is a very public figure and at least until he retires, it would matter. It also means there are lot's of people who know me as "son of ..." that I don't even know. I constantly get greeted by random people because they know my dad and I then have no clue who they are, but somehow they know my name. (I look a lot like him)

Because of this I have very much grown up being conscious about what people might see and think. Even my aunt (my mother's sister) getting a divorce while living abroad (in Africa!) became part of the gossip, so I have been trained to be cautious.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I do care. My dad is a very public figure and at least until he retires, it would matter. It also means there are lot's of people who know me as "son of ..." that I don't even know. I constantly get greeted by random people because they know my dad and I then have no clue who they are, but somehow they know my name. (I look a lot like him)

Trust me, I know what you mean. I am a professional stand up comic and I've only recently begun to talk about wearing skirts onstage and even that has been limited to small intimate open mics where I feel safe doing it.

My point was more of an ideal, like "We shouldn't care." and the sad thing is, we still do. It sucks that we have to be concerned about something as unimportant as garment preferences.

[Philippa Jane]

Hi Girls
I have also got a nice little story to go with Kim's experience.
On Monday I went to my local gym where they have a beauty parlour.I was there to have my legs waxed.I had gone dressed for a work out so no worry about being embarrased.
The lady who did the waxing could have not been better and really put me at ease to the point where I will go back and have my eyebrows done next time as well.She did ask if my toes need doing but as the nails were painted I was reluctant to remove my socks this time.Perhaps I shall be braver next time.
Ah but can I trust her discretion I hear you say?
Who knows.
Philipa Jane

[Mirani]

Correction. Most girls accept us as long as they aren't going with us. Then it's a different story. Just like most girls accept gays, and think they are cute, but don't want to date them.

Fine by me - I dont want to date "most girls"

[tricia_uktv]

This is a brilliant thread and will hopefully start some more on a similar subject. I am now very experienced in going out in public dressed but have a couple of comments which really helped me:

About 18 months I realised that I was never going to pass completely however hard I tried. I took that on board and decided to dress in public anyway. That opened the opportunities I have enjoyed since. It removed the "I may not pass, I may be found out" barrier.

About six months ago I realised what it was about. Its not about passing at all. Its about being yourself, its about being open and honest, its about showing your heart on your sleeve, its about the person inside you showing and being proud of herself to whosoever she meets.

Its simply about being yourself, nothing else.

I promise that if you understand that, your lives will open up and you will have the time of your life.

[jenna_woods]

good for you hun keep it up and it gets easier each time,some do see weare crossdressers but most say nothing and acept us

[Mirani]

About 18 months I realised that I was never going to pass completely however hard I tried. I took that on board and decided to dress in public anyway. That opened the opportunities I have enjoyed since. It removed the "I may not pass, I may be found out" barrier.

About six months ago I realised what it was about. Its not about passing at all. Its about being yourself, its about being open and honest, its about showing your heart on your sleeve, its about the person inside you showing and being proud of herself to whosoever she meets.

Its simply about being yourself, nothing else.

I promise that if you understand that, your lives will open up and you will have the time of your life.

[paulaN]

I don't go out as much as I would like too. Because I live in such a small town. It is a 60 mile ride to the city. I do however go out. It is so nice to read a thread like this one. It reminds me of how to behave when I am out. This thread theme is spot on in my opinion. And I hope other girls read this thread and are inspired to go out. So I say GO GIRLS GO!!!!!! And have a great outing. Enjoy being yourself. Whoo Hoo!!!

[MsJanessa]

Passing is really about acceptance by other people and it sounds like you passed with flying colors

[Fab Karen]

I agree with the other comments posted, but as an analyst (stress on the "anal" part) I have to point out that all this tells you is that ONE person accepts you as you are; your experience with that person doesn't speak for how the rest of the population will react. As others have pointed out, in this thread and others, you don't know about the stuff that goes on behind your back.

One person who she was made aware of. Assuming that others around view it negatively, you might as well assume in male-mode that people view you negatively. We must realize people may or may not view it negatively, but it's my life, and strangers don't dictate what that will be.

[soimhappy]

I'm a GG and I've been jealous of several MtF CDs. Kudos to all of you

[Michelia]

For me I've started to change my definition of "passing." (although I'm kind of coming to hate the word in general.)

I view "passing" as not "do you make a convincing GG, but rather, do you carry yourself with positivity, confidence, and dignity.

Some say it's a bummer that she read you. Is it? She seemed positive and happy about it and excited to see someone who she could relate to because of her friend. You seemed to be a positive example of a crossdresser to her, and hopefully others that saw you, "read" you, and just didn't care either.

The more of us who do such things, the more positive images of crossdressers there are. Rather than try to slip by stealthly as GGs, why not instead just be proud of ourselves as the beautiful crossdressers that we are?

Kim, good for you. Experiences like yours have become a daily thing for me. I could not agree more with Alyssa. I actually do not care about the word passing anymore. I dislike all the emphasis placed on it. And I really have come to find it meaningless.

I have disappeared from the radar screen lately - I have been too busy rebuilding my life and starting a business - and guess what? Doing a lot of it enfemme. Who would have thought? Sometimes I dress all the way. Sometimes I do not. I am all over the gender spectrum. It depends on how much time I have and where I am going.

I have learned rules apply only if you choose to have them apply. I have made a couple of trips into the most conservative areas of Lousiana and Missisippi and went everywhere enfemme. Amazing how much more acceptance there is than rejection - by men and women.

You are not supposed to wear short skirts. Hell, you are not supposed to wear skirts period. Otherwise you won't blend in. You will stick out. I now wear what I want when I want and I will always stick out because I DO NOT PASS. It does not matter what I wear and how many hours I have worked on my presentation. They start looking and pointing the minute I walk in and I just smile and wave. Do I care what they say behind my back? NOOOO. Most of them have never ever seen a crossdresser until they see me. What do you expect? I have heard it all now. Good and bad. Not all they say behind your back is bad either. Some will say how good you look and some will say you have guts.

Do you know more often than not they wave back?

Gee, I do not want to steal this thread so I will go now. I have been gone so long and I just logged in and found your thread at the top and it got me going. Almost deleted my post but I will keep it since I don't know when I will make it back.

I am having the time of my life. see you later Kim. It is people and posts like yours that got me here. You are doing a good thing. TKS. Keep it up!

I hope to come back and tell you all my adventures one day.

[Pocatellolass]

Very nice to have a positive reaction and more importantly, it sounds like YOU had a great time being out and about- Good for you! Thanks for sharing the positive story

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Thank you all for the extra insight. I hope this thread helps all of those girls who wish to go out, but are afraid of what people will say or do.

If you are afraid of wht people will say then, learn to ignore them.

If you are afraid of what people may do, take Tai Kwan Do (spelling?).

You don't need good luck, just a good attitude.

[TxKimberly]

Awesome! Many of us have tried to tell this to everyone on this forum. I'm so glad that you have also found this to be true.