Sorry to hear about your frustration Kim.
Personally, I would probably avoid going to a mainstream costume party en femme unless I was 100 percent certain I was willing to out myself to whom ever was there. Have you ever seen men at costume parties who aren't usually crossdressers dress up? They look terrible. People like us on the other hand would do it so well, people would pretty much guess we've done it before. That, and I think we'd enjoy it way too much. Just my observations.
