What do you really want?

[tinalynn]

I've never seriously considered SRS, and never will. Not even when single and could dress whenever, however, and for as long as I wished. I've always like my guy side more, the dressing is something I enjoy. Yes, its a part of me, but so is the 'more manly' things I do. Its fun to go out, but I don't need it every night. As it is, I can dress at home with my wife present, and that's enough for me. I get to indulge my needs, maybe not how I used to do it without boundaries, but I accept the boundaries nonetheless. Its human nature to always want more, the tough part is finding the balance between 'enough' and 'not enough'.

[Rachel Morley]

I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing? ........... I underdress always, wear Silk Reflections daily-sometimes without socks to hide the Little Color beige hose, ladies casual slacks, find myself pushing the envelope so to speak. Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? What would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough?

I don't think it's a compulsion for me, but I do want to always dress in clothes that make me feel "closer to my feminine side". I really, really, don't like it if I have to dress in clothes that are not at least "somewhat girly". It just doesn't feel right inside if I'm not wearing clothes with a feminine accent. I don't want to transition but I do want to be much more feminine than my male peers. I want to be "girl-like" as aften as possible.

To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.

If people acknowledge that I'm male, that's perfectly acceptable ........ It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined.

Exactly! I want people to understand that I am a perosn who gravitates toward the feminine side of life. Yes, I am a guy, but so what? Ok, I dress and act with behavior that is more akin to how women are .... what wrong with that? Absolutely nothing! IMHO being feminine is not going down the scale, it's actually going up!

[Jonianne]

.......I want to be "girl-like" as aften as possible.......Exactly! I want people to understand that I am a perosn who gravitates toward the feminine side of life. Yes, I am a guy, but so what? Ok, I dress and act with behavior that is more akin to how women are .... what wrong with that? Absolutely nothing! IMHO being feminine is not going down the scale, it's actually going up!

Rachel, from reading your posts and our PM's, you very much fit the discription of being the true opposite or counterpart of a female "tomboy". I guess you would call that a "janegirl"?

Another sister here describes herself as a "tomgirl", which I feel fits me as well. I describe that as a male who identifies more with female "tomboys" than with other females or males.

[charlytuna]

this say it all for me srs was never thought for me I'm happy just the way things is going
now

[charlytuna]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

sums it up for me

[Rianna Humble]

I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing?

What I truly want is changing all the time.

When I started recently, I wanted to "get it out of my system".

Just after that, I wanted to be "a bloke in a skirt".

As time goes on, I want to express my femininity more and more.

I will never "pass" since my voice is already deep for a bloke - when singing (sic), I cannot quite get up to the bass notes - so how can I have a convincing feminine voice?

Most of all, I want to understand who I am.

[Suzy Harrison]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons.

These reasons may not last forever.

I used to think exactly the same thing - but circumstances can change in the future and anything can happen. After years and years of CDing I'm now on my way to being female at last.

All this means is: 'It isn't your time yet' - But that can change - it certainly did for me.

[Phyliss]

I, WANT, everything.
Having said that, (and feeling better for it ) practicality sets in and I wake up in the real world. FULL transition has been a recurring thought lately, however for those "zillion" reasons it ain't gonna happen, ... yet.

Give an inch, take a mile, yep that's me, I'd take that mile in a second, given the chance, who wouldn't? I do have that inch and I'll make the most of it for now.

In the last 5 to 6 years I've gone from the secret stash of one pair of undies to having my closet stuffed with girl clothes and can dress as I wish ( within limits ) anytime I want. (limits involve going out to dinner wearing a skirt, ladies dress trousers and neutral looking blouse are OK )

When I do go out fully dressed, for whatever reason, I want NO negative comments. Not that I want loads of compliments on how pretty I am. Just want simple acceptance, even if it's in the form of no comment . Please don't point, giggle, and laugh, at least within hearing distance.

I want to be able to live as I choose, as long as I'm not hurting somebody else or breaking any social laws. The fact that I wish to wear clothes that are usually associated with women shouldn't be a factor in how I'm viewed.

Unfortunately it is and that's the problem.

[Faith_G]

It's a moving target. I used to just want to be able to get dressed up and relax without having to jump every time I heard a noise. As that desire has become a reality, I've come to realize that I do have some dysmorphia issues and there's a lot I'd like to change about my body.

Would I take the "magic pill" that would instantly give me a female body and also make my family, friends, and co-workers instantly accept the change? Of course I would! Am I willing to put out the effort, time, pain, and money that a real world transition requires? Not yet, anyway. The dysmorphia is not causing enough distress to push me to transition. So for now I settle for what I can do at home by myself. A little tape and some padding, along with a lot of time spent on hair removal makes me feel OK in my body - at least for now.

[TGMarla]

I want for my wife to accept that I do this thing, and that it's not a threat to her or to our relationship. But she is closed minded to it, at least as far as I am concerned. It just makes her feel funny that I would have such a feminine aspect to me. She wants me to be her man, and a man is what she wanted when she met me and married me. It's my own fault that I never disclosed it to her prior to our marriage. But with her acceptance, I would be at greater liberty to go our more often, and experience the great big world a little more from a feminine perspective.

Is that enough? I don't know, but it would be a huge step closer to where I want this to be. I doubt I'm ever going to transition, but I also know that there's a part of me that will always want to. But as things are, I'd be very happy if I simply got to this next step.

[JOJO44]

Said by almost everyone here.

I "want" to be a female, period.

Strike one - - not many girls are 6'8"
Strike two - - a long angular face
Strike three - - A voice that that is so full of gravel (no I don't smoke).

So I dress and hang around the house or go for a ride in the car where no one can see any of my problems.

Love to all (even those that can pass (and whom I want to hate!) in public)

Josephine Anne

[Lidia_tv]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy.

In so many words.

[Kelly Greene]

I want to feel good in my skin.
Sometimes I think this means changing my body so that I can fill out tops and dresses without the need for breast forms, at other times I think I can fake the cleavage and live with it.

I think that a complete transition would not fit me there fore it is not desired.

I am a man who wants to look like a woman there are issues like the needs and desires of my wife, and also how my brother and sisters would react to any changes I made.
As far as work I believe the reactions of the people I work with would be manageable because I don't socialize with them and only see them at work.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Until about 3 years ago, I would definitely be in the majority on this question.

As time went on though, practicality, and everything else went out the window.. living as a man became unsustainable and I could no longer bear the thought of being stuck as a man for the rest of my life.

I was jealous of all the girls that transitioned but I insisted that crossdressing in my spare time would be fine...

oops

Kate

[Claire Cook]

I guess I agree with the majority here. I confess that I've thought about transitiioning, and if there were no other considerations, maybe I'd pursue that route -- but like the rest of us there are other considerations, so I'm content dressing as often as I can (it's been said often enough: the best of both worlds?) . Then again, perhaps Suzy H. is right .. we never know what's down the road.

[Lidia_tv]

Then again, perhaps Suzy H. is right .. we never know what's down the road.

If there's a second time 'round, then I hope to be born a girl that second time.

[TxKimberly]

An excellent question that encourages people to a little self introspection.
What do we want? What do we need? What is required to make us happy?
I dunno . . .

[Sam-antha]

[quote=helenr;1924084]I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons.

These reasons may not last forever.
I used to think exactly the same thing - but circumstances can change in the future and anything can happen.

I have lived through it all. The total desire phase really was around me -I think- when I was thirtyish. But that was in the early sixties. Sex changes were not then an option.

The years rolled on and I learned the lesson quoted above namely that circumstances not only can change, but they really do change.

I am and have been for a long time, happy being a part time Sam-antha.
In retrospect, apart from my early total flirtation,
I believe that I am content.

My inch or so, has been sufficient.

~Samm

[Valeries_Online]

For me I have been pushing things but with the attitude that I don't care what others people think. I shave my whole body. Some people have noticed my chest and arms. I pluck my eyebrows. Yes, that got noticed as well. Ive been dressing more androgynously in guy mode such as girls low rise jeans ( from my SO, lol) and tight fitting shirts. I have a punky haircut and went ahead and dyed it hot pink. I have pierced my nipples, my ears and my lip. So over the last year I would say Ive been pushing further. Not really to out myself but to get closer to being happy with who I am and want to be regardless of what society and my peers have to say about it. It feels better than living a lie, really it does. I'm a lot more confident than when I worried about what people might think or say.

My SO and I talk a lot about it and both accept who I am which I am really lucky to have such a lady. As far as where I see myself going in the future I would like to take steps to feminize my body some but in some way I could ride the middle. I don't want SRS for sure or a boob job. If I could get some fat redistribution on my bum and a perky little chest I would be content and happy. That's how I see myself wanting to be anyway. The bras I dress in are all A cups anyway so I present how I think I should look not what bimbo I could resemble. There all all shapes and sizes so there ya go. Ive seen guys who aren't fat with bigger chests and they don't get ridiculed or try to hide it. My SO doesn't have an issue with some feminization so that's a definite fit since I don't want a full transition. She likes my androgynous dressing as a guy as well, she told me its very hot. I don't think my doctor would see it that way about riding the middle. You either have to choose one or the other. Well if I identify with both roles what do I do? I tried some herbs and progesterone cram in the past that had a small effect on my body but were making me sick to maintain it. Oops, my mistake.

So anyways, that's what would make me happy and how I see myself in the future if attainable safely. I know now I'm gonna get scolded with the hormones are nothing to fool with but neither are my feelings and identity. I'm not in the wrong body however this body isn't who I identify as. If some people choose not to do anything for whatever reason that's what works for them in their life. If others choose to go all the way I'm happy that they can do that if it makes them truly happy or not. If you have defined your identity and don't fit either category I don't see why you cant fine tune yourself to reflect who you are inside. If some people can say Im not a guy and transition then I can say Im neither and present myself as whatever label you might come up with for that. I know what makes me happy and feel confident. Really, it works better than antidepressants. You should try it.

[docrobbysherry]

I keep waiting for some sort of fem side to appear.

Until that happens, I'm QUITE HAPPY to just dress in the closet, and LOOK like a female occasionally! Even if it IS all an illusion!:D

[Teri Jean]

I want to say for the most part I can identify with a number of sisters here in that it is a self reflection of what and where we want to be. I started out as a closeted CD and that was fine but then the CDing became unfulfilling and I wanted more. As my life came into full view and I had time to reflect on the things that made me happiest the more I disliked me as a man. So today is the beginning of a new life. Not Helen's or Karren's but mine and if those who CD and that is fine for them so be it but for me Teri is Teri and always be. Do I care what people think, yes but not to the point where I will bend to their needs.

Point being; last night I recieved a call from a patron of our Legion who heard I was transitioning. She was upset that the man she knew was doing this. I explained that this is who I am and it wasn't going to change. She said to go to a therapist and get cured to which I told her I am but there is no cure for it is who I am. She conceded that she still loved me for me but still didn't understand.

I thanked her for her opinion and honesty and asked her to respect my feelings and desires. If there was the magic pill, would I take it, yes. But there is no pill and here we are.

Teri

[LoriFlores]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy. Sadly, this is the "real world" and it ain't gonna happen.

I agree 100%. Unfortunately, the more time goes on the more SRS becomes further from a possibility as well. Maybe it will happen one day but until then I'll remain androgynous.

I out myself all the time because I typically were mostly female clothing but those that could almost be worn by either sex. I typically wear juniors jeans and shirts and shoes such as Skechers I also wear a lot of pink. So most persons, particularly females, immediately recognize that I'm dressing from the juniors of womens departments. Looking a little closer you would also notice the bra and panty lines.

Did I mention that I love shopping at Ross, Marshalls, and Kohls... and of course you never find me in the mens departments at those stores!

[Edyta_C]

We all have fairly unique situations in our lives. I have gone from a half crazy guy with repressed need to express submerged femininity to a person that realizes that these repressed feeling are a blend of genders in me. After realizing where I was at I had to come out to my wife. Luckily for me, she accepts that I have a need to express some of this inner femme. Could it change to a deeper need to transition ? Well of course it might given where I think my head is at.

Of course the reality is that I am not healthy and relatively old to make that decision. I do not know if that need could dominate my feeling for my wife and what she needs. So I am fairly sure that I am stuck. The most I could do is live a a woman. Even that probably would not be possible as I need to work to have health insurance and trying to present as my real gender might kill the goose that is laying the health insurance egg of gold. I just can take the chance. I need to convince myself that I am totally happy as I am.

A tough course? Well considering pre outing to my wife and counseling, I was ready to die, and now I get up each day with more of a smile. Especially if I get time as Edy!!

Hugs Edy

[Heather_Marie]

I really want to be who I am all the time without judgment I feel like I fit into both of my personas Heather Marie and my male persona both have their good points and bad points I wish at times that I could take a magic pill that would let me change from one to another.

Heather Marie seems to be my stronger side I am always thinking like a women and how things would be if I could be her all of the time from getting ready as a women, to having relationships with other women and getting married, having children. Women are the most beautiful creatures in the world I would love to be one they get the most colorful, sensual items, cloths makeup and the best one is their bodies. I would love to be a woman.

It’s hard to be a CD’er the feelings I have going both ways it’s confusing but I manage I would have liked to have had the choice at birth to be a girl/women. I feel like I should have been a girl/women because I have so many female traits I love everything girly I feel more at ease when I am dressed up as Heather Marie.

So my final answer what do I really want I would love to be a women.

[Maddie22]

I have realized that I will transition fully a few years down the road, physically at least. As of now I'm transitioning mentaly. I'm coming out to more people, talking about my feelings more about who I actually am. What my goal is to let my self be more accepted as a whole, to my self, and not worry about what my parents and friends expect from me. Not just on gender issues, but where I want to live, career, politics, hobbies, partners I may have.

I believe if I can do this, this will be one of the most important aspects of my mental transition. I think I can come out to more people, live how I want to actually live, be less depressed, be with people who I truly value and that I want to be around.

I know I have major father issues that I cope with (not that my dad is a bad father by any means or ever abusive) I have acceptance issues from him as well, and this is a step that I need to get over. I also have genral acceptance issues from other people in general.

So If I can start accepting myself and having confidence, that the people who won't accept me will not be as devistating.

The outcome of fully transitioning mentaly and physically excites me and engerizies me, it keeps me going as a goal. The path to get to outcome is what is most frigtening.