I will be honest and I hope I don't upset anyone.Originally Posted by Sophie Haworth
My SO and I go out quite frequently. In the beginning I was convinced that everyone who saw us could read us and if they stared or whispered it was because they "knew" and further, they disapproved. The truth is that some people pay more attention than others or they do have more sensitive gender radars. Others don't. Some people are judgmental at first. Most aren't. The vast majority of people are polite and respectful. It really doesn't matter to them whether they are interacting with a CDer or not.
It does take awhile for some people to wrap their brains around seeing a CDer for the first time. So they do stare. This is what I did the first few times I saw a close friend's CDer husband, years before I knew my SO. It took some time for me to become accustomed to the look of a gender variant person in real life. I tried not to stare, but my eyes kept wandering over to where my friend's husband was sitting. Eventually it all fell into place.
My SO and I are not always immediately next to one another when we are out. I do notice some people have double takes when they see her. We will never know whether they read her or not, but it doesn't really matter. When she speaks it is likely that people do read her. Everyone is always very polite. Speaking to people actually helps to dispel the mystery.
To be honest, if the idea of being read will break the spell for you, you may not enjoy the experience of being yourself as much as if this didn't matter. Because you will be read. I am not trying to be mean, just realistic. Unless someone is very young, of slight build, and with a feminine facial bone structure, it is hard to mask the male gender with a bit of makeup and long hair, especially if the interaction takes longer than a few seconds.
Our world is changing and the idea that someone is gender variant is beginning to be acknowledged. Eventually Sophie will want to make friends and socialize, and feel just as feminine despite people knowing. You can lift your head, meet people's gazes, smile, and be proud of who you are.
