at the risk of boring you with clinical etiology and psych sterility...I will take a crack at condensing a novel into a cheap "Cliff Notes" reply...lol
Most paraphilic (CDing included) activity has a "compulsive" quality attached to it. ("inability" to control the impulse) Stress, anxiety/depression increases the desire. Resolutions to "stop" are usually followed by a return to the behavior, acting out and then strong feelings of "guilt". (exacerbated by the inability to abstain).
Generally speaking, there is only a moderate success rate in trying to stop or "control" these behaviors. The most constructive approach is acceptance in this part of your life, and finding a way to comfortably incorporate it in a well-adjusted manner that allows you to be happy.
As far as the "guilt" following orgasm...this is partially the result of normal sexual excitement "phases". Skipping the details...there is a chemical change involving the neurotransmitters (brain chemisty) that follows orgasm. Think of it as a kind of "tank" which is full of dopamine, serotonin, etc...which is "emptied" or "depleted" with the onset of orgasm. (you are "exhaused"...which is the way the body makes you "rest" (both of your "heads", lol) while it replenishes the supplies for you to "perform" again.
anyway, when you "combine" the natural resting phase of post-orgasm with your "guilty" state of mind...it appears that one is causing the other...etc. Actually, you are simply attaching negative thoughts to the time your body is doing a natural process. This "fools' you into thinking they are connected causal/effect...not necessarily so.
ok, I will quit now. 100 lbs in a 5 lb bag...lol
moral of story...you are just fine...
havefun/behappy
