dating advice please?

[cordgrass]

Not everyone knows how to be subtle or how to talk about sex in a non-explicit manner.

That would be me!

No, please don't stop posting. I was attempting to let you know the various mindsets on this site. There is much more than what first meets the eye. You are always welcome to post your questions and observations!

If you do begin a relationship with a TG, it would be good to read your observations. So many members here feel there is no one who would be interested in them.

Well of course that would be up to the TG.

As for finding women interested, I think a good litmus test would be renting the movie "Stage Beauty" and watching it together. Of course moralistic at the end, he chooses to be a "man", but that movie was what first made me consider, hmm, something going on there. So if she your bones after watching it, that would be a good sign!

I have a feeling I will be using that smiley a lot here.

[Miranda09]

Hi Cordgrass..I agree with Reine. Please don't stop posting. I really do enjoy reading your viewpoints.

[Diane24]

I have hesitated to jump in here... not sure how much my situation would be of any help or interest. My SO is a GG. We met when I was in the middle of my Real Life Test. She worked it out that I wasn't a real gal and confronted me. I was crushed, she was very nice. So, long story short, we've been together for 12 years. Having been on HRT for awhile, the male bits were fairly useless and then I had SRS. In spite of all that we have a very loving, sexual relationship even though she swears she isn't Lesbian!
My advice is to grab this guy while the chance exists and see how your relationship develops.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained!

Hugs,
Diane

[ReineD]

As for finding women interested, I think a good litmus test would be renting the movie "Stage Beauty" and watching it together. Of course moralistic at the end, he chooses to be a "man", but that movie was what first made me consider, hmm, something going on there. So if she your bones after watching it, that would be a good sign!

Enfant terrible! :D

I like your idea of a NYT best selling book with a M2F CD as the protagonist.

And for Ze, another with a F2M hero would be good too.

Any takers? :D

[cordgrass]

No, it has to be a movie. There already is a best-selling book with a MTF CD protagonist--Ulysses, of course. Darling James Joyce.

It has to be a movie so women can see the man en femme. And it has to be a light, popular movie, like something with Renee Zellwegger.

[eluuzion]

I suppose I should have introduced myself in the new member section, but I wanted to post my question right away. I found this forum by searching on "dating a crossdresser." I am female, born female, and the last couple years I have realized that most men just don't do it for me. I've never been with a crossdressing man, but I really really want to try it. I went to a local drag show last winter hoping to meet CD's, but the only people dressed were the performers and the waitresses. I also went online to various CD websites and tentatively posted my interest, but was quite overwhelmed with the responses from all over the country and just didn't respond. Finally I bit the bullet this week and did a local posting. I thought I would ease into it, with a no pressure sort of light fling. However, within hours I got a response from the most dreamy man imaginable. He's so handsome and so lovely dressed, and very well educated, and respectful and in all ways someone my mother would consider "a catch". I've done the whole marriage thing so finding the perfect husband is the last thing on my mind, but the idea of an intellectual equal is very appealing. Well anyhow, I am quite nervous and don't want to blow this, and I want to ask for tips on dating.

How does a woman date a CD? I think we will be meeting up initially with him "en femme." Do I take the man's role? Should I take things slower than I normally would? Will he be judging me on what I wear more than most men? I'm sort of at sea. Please help.

Just a thought, since giving "advice" to someone else is like playing with matches, to me.

One option might be to just be honest and reveal yourself. After all, isn't that what we are hoping our "date" will do with us?

If you are nervous, you could just write it all down first and review it before you meet again.

Oh, wait a minute...you just did that, now didn't you?? hehehe.

Kewl, your feelings are written down already, so that is done!! K, now what? Express it verbally, just the way you wrote it here would work...

You could read it to him, but that might look a little odd when you are having dinner at the restaurant...:D

If I was Me, I would be impressed in that scenario.

You will do fine...

"Think Less...Act More"
Life is short

[cordgrass]

There is a GREAT web that some of us are members of called FetLife. Join up[it's free] browse all the interesting fetishes,find yours,and post an introduction.New England has tons of members and you will have far better quality luck faster than here!! You won't be dissapointed with FetLife.

My goodness. I signed up. I'm bossy, but not quite that bossy! There doesn't seem to be a place for me over there.

I am going out tonight with some girls and ring in the New Year tonight, damnit! I've got to start someplace.

[Kelly DeWinter]

........ this site is about much more than that. It is primarily for encouragement and support, in moving beyond the closet and the purely sexual aspect of CDing.

Thanks ReineD, for the reminder. It's the safe aspect of this site that is most apealing to me and I know a large number of others. This is probably the one site that you can go to where both CD and their spouses or SO can go without the overt sexual overtones and inuendos.

This site has been a tremendous help to wives and SO of crossdressers who have recently come out of the closet to them. Their relationships are fragile and often on the brink of collapse. Sometimes the information posted on this site helps save a marriage or a relationship.

Can you picture the wife of a closeted CD who is trying to come out of the closet, seeing portions of this thread ? What do you imagine the reponse would be ?

Kelly

[AmandaM]

They're out there Cordgrass, you just put yourself out there and stay out there. You'll find someone. You can't find an SO if you don't socialize with people.

[Dana]

Well since the Boston Tri-Ess is Geo/UA (Geographically Unavailable) why not found the name of them of the local chapter, get in touch with the 'contact' person and let them know what your looking for. You could even put restrictions as to how distant you would want to be from them.

Years ago, (back before the Internet) I was a national member of TriEss. They put out a monthly (might have been quarterly I can't remember.

In on edition they gave out the contact info of a GG that was looking for a hetero CD. She had been with a guy that came that he cross dressed. They broke up because of it.

She got back into the "normal" dating scene and dated a lot of jerks. Decided that cross dressers weren't such a bad lot after all?

But is news U could use!

And if someone says I'm a sex addict just because I'm spontaneously orgasmic and have fifty orgasms a day, I will be vexed. Maybe not as vexed as that transsexual woman, but close.

Is it so weird that a woman who can have sex like a man might want to have sex with a man who can have sex like a woman?[/QUOTE]

Oddly enough I just thought I might add to this that I saw a program on TLC about this tonight while at work (I got one those kind of jobs) which spoke about this very thing. {spontaneously orgasmic} and have fifty orgasms a day The title of the show was "Strange Sex"

Not that it portrayed those appearing on the show as "strange" the point being made was that they were very normal. Others portrayed was "sleep sex ~ like sleep walking - eating and having no memory of it. A woman who was allergic to her husband's sperm and couldn't not conceive because of it. ~ she would break out in hives, swollen tongue, have to be rush to the hospital because of vesicular shut down on the verge of death. Her body was reacting the protein in her husband's sperm as though she was allergic to nuts, peanuts, a wasp or bee sting.

They gave a name for it PAD? Preputial Arousal Disorder (I've probably got that part wrong? In fact I'm sure of it ~ PAD is a blood pressure problem with one's legs) Prior to the case shown there was no cure for it. But the case study was given a drug to help her quit smoking ~ and it ended up curing it. Its where one has higher blood pressure in her clitoris / vaginal reagion than the rest of her body.

Almost exlusive to women ~ such women are at higher risk for high blood pressure, heart attacks, and stroke.

I once dated a woman that could ____________ simply by holding her and hugging her. And yes she had a stroke @ age 52.

This might be something you would want to discuss with your Dr. and you might want to check out the TLC website to see if you can get a copy of the program I mentioned.

[cordgrass]

I pmed you. I don't really want to talk about the PSAS. At least in my case it's a deliberate choice, not a condition, we'll leave it at that. I can easily stop being the way I am at any time.

As for women, we travel in herds. Look at that Robert Pattinson fellow, I think that's his name. Why are so many young women interested in him? Precisely because so many young women are interested in him. It's a snowball effect. Having women come here and post that they think crossdressers are hot should only help your cause, not hurt it. If you are worrying about freaking out the ladyfolk, the threads about having sex with men might be a more effective target, although I think that would be unfair.

At any rate, I went out and had fun tonight and I had a lovely time.

I do want to say a couple things about last night, in case any GG's might read this in the future--take a penny, give a penny :D

First off, that was the most fun I've had on New Year's Eve ever. Most times I've gone to a club I've had to wait until my date had at least three beers before venturing out on the dance floor. Do crossdressers generally like to dance? If so, that right there is a potent weapon in getting GG's interested.

Second, there was only one point during the night where I felt uneasy. It was cold, and so I wore a top that wasn't lowcut, figuring that my companions would already know I was a GG. What I didn't count on was that other people in the hotel and club didn't know I was a GG. I got some really hostile looks when I used the ladies' room. I suppose I could use the men's room, but that would be silly. So I think I'm going to make sure I wear a lowcut top or dress when I'm out and about with crossdressers, just to make things clear to the casual passerby.

Sorry about that, I'm usually good with multi posting, just a little foggy this morning!

[Dana]

I pmed you. I don't really want to talk about the PSAS. At least in my case it's a deliberate choice, not a condition, we'll leave it at that. I can easily stop being the way I am at any time.

As for women, we travel in herds. Look at that Robert Pattinson fellow, I think that's his name. Why are so many young women interested in him? Precisely because so many young women are interested in him. It's a snowball effect. Having women come here and post that they think crossdressers are hot should only help your cause, not hurt it. If you are worrying about freaking out the ladyfolk, the threads about having sex with men might be a more effective target, although I think that would be unfair.

At any rate, I went out and had fun tonight and I had a lovely time.

I do want to say a couple things about last night, in case any GG's might read this in the future--take a penny, give a penny :D

First off, that was the most fun I've had on New Year's Eve ever. Most times I've gone to a club I've had to wait until my date had at least three beers before venturing out on the dance floor. Do crossdressers generally like to dance? If so, that right there is a potent weapon in getting GG's interested.

Second, there was only one point during the night where I felt uneasy. It was cold, and so I wore a top that wasn't lowcut, figuring that my companions would already know I was a GG. What I didn't count on was that other people in the hotel and club didn't know I was a GG. I got some really hostile looks when I used the ladies' room. I suppose I could use the men's room, but that would be silly. So I think I'm going to make sure I wear a lowcut top or dress when I'm out and about with crossdressers, just to make things clear to the casual passerby.

Sorry about that, I'm usually good with multi posting, just a little foggy this morning!

Never got the PM

[cordgrass]

That's weird about the PM's, maybe I didn't "send" properly, I will check.

First, I would like to agree that this site is an excellent tool, resource and place of support. It helped my wife and I tremendously, giving her a place she could poke around and learn without a bunch of $ex stuff.

Very glad to hear you had a good time! Happy New Year!

No, not all of us dance, just the ones with movement in our hearts. The only common thread I've ever noticed in the transgenderd community is that most of us have unique perspectives and big hearts.

Oh, the bathroom thing is an age old sore subject, if we're presenting as female, we have the right to be there... tell the staff to stick it, baby!

Hope you find happiness, please stick around and tell us how it goes.

I thought the dancing thing might have been a wanting to be more feminine thing since women generally like to dance. The bathroom thing wasn't that I wasn't allowed, just wanted to avoid the hostility. It didn't escalate to the point that staff were involved. Personally, I'm very broadminded with that sort of thing. I went to Brown and we had coed bathrooms in my dorm, including the showers. I'll never forget the first time I went to the bathroom and looked at the floor of the stall next to me and the feet were pointing the wrong way. And of course what woman hasn't used the men's room? Architects don't seem to understand anatomical differences when allocating the number of bathrooms at theaters, concert arenas, etc. When there's a fifteen-minute line at the women's and no line at the men's, it's just common sense, especially if you have to go!

On the other hand, I can totally see it from the other side too. There's a lot of guys out there who are really into pee fetishes, and if they thought they could lurk in a stall and simply by dressing up as women, well anyhow, don't want to dwell on a topic that has been discussed to death, as you say. :dh2: :2c: Just wanted to give a heads up for GG's to avoid the social awkwardness if they wanted to.

[Rogina B]

Interesting that you don't appear as a GG to some..Wow! And you need help with the bathroom attendants.....Just go check your self in the mirror while washing up,fix what is necessary,and go out the door.That is what some of us T girls have learned to do...Oh yes,and ignore any protest made by any"BATHROOM ATTENDANT". Are they the janitor's boss or vice versa? lol:dh2:

[MsJanessa]

Oh my, there are CD's who don't find dressing sexual? Hmm...that would sort of defeat the point for me. I suppose they would be transexuals, correct? This is all very new to me.

there are lots of CDs who not only are turned on by dressing but are heterosexual in orientation---you will find a lot of them here and a good looking lady like you won't have any trouble getting dates with with an eligible CD

[Lorileah]

New Years Eve, you are out in a club, a lot of people have beer goggles on and they have the attitude enhanced by alcohol. That is the only explanation I can see for you getting any hostile looks from anyone. Point 1, you were dressed femininely (yes I know you are GG, and you dressed the part) and we have hashed this a million times here, if you walk the walk, you use the restroom you are dressed for. You don't need a low cut top to use the facilities. Trust me, there are a few of us who can wear low cut top and have as much cleavage as the next girl, so the top does not prove anything. Wear what you like. Rules go both ways here on CD.com. If you like it wear it.

Point 2. Some dress for sex, some dress because they like the feel, some dress because they really don't know yet. Early on it may start as a sexual fetish. That's cool. But with time it tends to morph into (OMG I am starting the new year saying a cliche' I hate) a comfort issue. That should not preclude you from having a good time with someone who CD's. Trust me, after the clothes come off...(cue Brad Paisley song)...CD's can "still be a man."

Thank you so much for your support and trying to show that GG's can and do like CD's. You are not as uncommon as some think. I think we just hear from the people who didn't get as lucky as most and find a woman like you. The one's who do, don't tend to post how happy they are, the ones who don't scream from the rafters

[Misty is Kindafem]

I was gonna keep my mouth shut but the effort required was getting to the point that I may have been dangerously close to an aneurysm.

Welcome Cordgrass. You rock.

You seem like a feisty broad with brain power to spare and I know you don't need my support but I'm giving it anyway.

Please don't let the oversensitive nellies scare you away from this board. I'm sure you've already noticed more than a little bit of incongruity between some of the comments and some of the threads. Heaven forbid a real woman come around here looking for !gasp! ...a date.

Oh no, it's apparently too offensive and fetishy to talk about what grownups do on the dance floor but threads about wearing bras to sleep in and the color of my underpants, are somehow protecting the non-fetish integrity of the forum so the un-accepting wife can feel safe?

In my never humble opinion, we could use MORE chicks like you so the wives can see that we're not pariahs and more importantly that they're NOT saints just for sticking with us.

You, my sassy and beautiful friend, are a breath of fresh air. This place starts to feel a bit like a virtual closet sometimes and it's refreshing when someone opens the door enough to let some wind in.

-Misty

[Sandra]

In my never humble opinion, we could use MORE chicks like you so the wives can see that we're not pariahs and more importantly that they're NOT saints just for sticking with us.

Misty

I wonder when someone would just have to have a go at the wives.. :Angry3:

Believe me some of the wives here, are saints more than you will ever know.

[ReineD]

Cordgrass, as I mentioned before, there is no "one size fits all". Especially in this forum. Best thing to do is to start dating someone and see how compatible you are. And post questions in FAB or here if any come up. Thinking about dating a TG, and actually dating one are two different things.

[Shelly Preston]

In my never humble opinion, we could use MORE chicks like you so the wives can see that we're not pariahs and more importantly that they're NOT saints just for sticking with us.
-Misty

I have to disagree with the statement on some of them not being saints

Some of them would have to take a step down to be a Saint


Cordgrass
The best dating advice I can give you is

Try to get to know the person as well as you can even before meeting them in person if you met them online

You may want to read this too
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=93981

[Tiffanycd]

Hi Cordgrass and welcome to the forum i read some of your post's and i really like what you had to say Thank you for you being you reading what you had to say gives me hope when this side of you is the reason most of one's relationships ended (mine) not going to bore you or anyone else with the details i just wanted to say Thank You and welcome and don't give up you are a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart hay i am not giving up any more.

Tiffanycd
just a guy in heels a dress some time's
looking to open up a little more brake the shyness.