Ya think? I never thought about that, but "We" should ride side saddle, LMAO!
Ya think? I never thought about that, but "We" should ride side saddle, LMAO!
Like a friend once told me about something non-CD related -
If you ain't hurting anyone, just have your fun, call it a day, and go about your life.
It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.
I have started dressing when I have menial things (cleaning, washing, etc) that absolutely need to get done. There's no temptation to do anything other than the tasks and the time gives me an opportunity to get used to being dressed. It's not a time for glam- it's for acclimation. It's helped a lot with the cyclic emotions that I used to have. :2c:
I want to say that like you I have been cding sense childhood also but had to hide it for years and now I have a wife that not only understands but helps me with my new wardrobeOriginally Posted by ashgagal
Yep, did that for years. you are conflicted about why you dress. figure that out and realize that whatever the reason... it makes you happy. So give yourself permission to be happy. Only you can. Carol
I like that
Here's the thing: you have nothing remotely to be ashamed of, and don't let anybody shame you (and they probably won't--the fear of that is much greater than its likelihood of happening).
Clothes do not make the man, nor the woman. Our naked bodies are unfashionable, except to our lovers, and so we adorn them in various ways. In this curious dark age women have all the cool options of adornment and men are forced into uniform, which explains our male push-back. (I'm speaking of the West; in other societies it's the other way around.)
Reject shame as having anything to do with how you dress--clothes are how we improve upon our unfashionable bodies, and any-body should be able to improvise and innovate on how they choose to cover themselves.
I could probably write pages for you on this with respect to myself.
For years I went through what you describe as the feeling of being a freak...stop that...you did not ask to be born the way you are (and yes I believe we are born the way we are and I believe science backs us up on this). I said for the longest time "I hate loving what I am".
Embrace what you are, learn to say "it is OK" and accept what/who you are.
Once you get to that you can go about figuring out how to enjoy this gift and find peace in your life. It becomes a matter of "balance".
I think the older u get the less there is, I believe it has something to do with something in our male systems called testosterone! When I was young I used to swear I'd never cd again........oops a week just went by & voila! would I love to dress up again!
I used to be just the same with the guilt and shame till I started to accept it was part of who I was and now can sit at pc or laptop for ages while dressed and feel so right. I think we have all been there at the start.
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I have had to work through the same feelings. It is like this voice tells me, "What are you doing? Are you totally nuts?"
I have learned to live with that. It has not been easy. But I know that I am a much better person for allowing Nora to live than I would have been if I denied her presence as part of me.
I have just re-read that last sentence. I am sorry if it sounds pompous or self-absorbed. I know that what many of us go through, the sense of shame and guilt, are not easy.
Whatever you do, girlfriend, do resist the urge to purge. Those beautiful clothes are expensive!
My simple rule is if it feels good, doesn't hurt anyone, including myself, then why not do it?
We spend far too many hours of our daily lives trying to please those around us - there's nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. I need my dressing time, it's my "therapy" - my connection with a hidden part of me, and it ultimately makes me a happier and better person.
What's to feel guilty about?
I get the same feeling. When I dress I get really excited and exillerated. But when I finish I feel guilty and ashamed like I am cheating on my male side or something. I can't explain it.
Oh, but you do sound like a younger version of me.
I have been through all the same stages as you. I just never had the courage to admit to anyone.
As you get older, the compulsion to masturbate will lessen and then dressing will become more of a state of being and less of an event. It will get better.
Sick would be a desire to hurt someone or something. A joy in others' suffering, or a lack of empathy or remorse, or compassion.
What you are doing is not sick. You are instead BEING A MAN by not ignoring your need to express and embrace part of yourself. What do you think you should be doing instead? Going through the motions of looking and dressing "manly" and feeling miserable inside, being grouchy and sad? You are instead taking the harder road and being true to yourself. It takes a REAL MAN to do that!
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have known about this part of yourself since you were a child. It's not like it's going to change!
Look at yourself in the mirror and dry your tears. You are a real man because you choose to not live your life in denial.
I've felt shame immediately after I have an orgasm, but within a few minutes, it passes. I'm usually ready to try on a new outfit and start over again.
I have the same feelings too. After i have an "O", sometimes i feel like dressing back into drab. But if i'm out somewhere, i'm not able to do that, and that can make me feel very uncomfortable.
Very normal response - it happens to the best of us!! ;-)
I have had the same feelings. Though I have found that these feelings are not connected to the dressing but infact the sexual gratification afterwards. If I let my self get that far. I have been doing a lot of dressing in the past few weeks and been able to surpass the sexual relief which has also stopped the guilt feelings. Be strong and give that a try, I hope it works for you as well. Its difficult at times, but believe me it is very worth it.
You are letting what you assume society would think of you control your feelings .
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
I used to feel shame afterwards, but it went away with time. I would sometimes underdress and force myself to do normal activities or sleep dressed (without any play-time). It became less and less of an issue so the point where I would start dressing for the sake of dressing and MAYBE relieve some stress.
Since I made the leap to getting fully dressed (not just under-things), if I felt ashamed afterwards I just stayed dressed and waited for the feeling to subside. And it did. And now I primarily dress for comfort and other activities just aren't a big deal anymore if you know what I mean.
Exactely the same for me and for many of the same reasons as Ann's. It took a long time for that guilt and shame to go away so don't despair, take heed you are not alone.I can really relate to your ongoing struggles. Went thru a lot of the same when I was younger. The guilt came from my upbringing, hammered home by the particular church I attended for too long. For me, wearing girl clothes helped get rid of the arousal issue, which I feel is coming from an image one has of the perfect woman that accepts all of who I am. I do not get aroused by the clothes any longer, or very rarely. Instead I feel energized. I am careful about the cut and color as well, because that can have an effect on the energy I feel I need to convey that day.
Press forward thru it, and you'll come out the other side a better person.
Hugs,
Ann
haven't been able to check in for a bit, but all these responses help so very much.
And girls, thanks for all the hugs and your combined wisdom. you all took so much time and made such thoughtful replies. i don't feel so terrible now.
A special thank to Shananigans (GG). I already feel less than attractive to girls when I am in drab, but when I think of them finding out about my CDing, oh god I feel like they would scream and call me names (even tho i think i look so cute when dressed!).
Last edited by ashgagal; 02-24-2010 at 10:53 PM.
i used to feel shame for the way that i thought, and my fantasies, especially after orgasm. I used to feel sick and low, like this isnt me, but that was only when i exclusively kept it a secret... I came out to my wife, told her that i wish i was a woman and that im bi.... now i feel alot better and i dont get ashamed. maybe telling someone close to you will help, but i dont know, we are all like planes at the airport. we carry different baggage, and it all comes from different places
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