Interesting thread as it illustrates that this is a very wide community when it comes to behaviors.

For my part, crossdressing is a problem - like any "problem" - when it interferes with other commitments and obligations.

The same could be said, you know, of the affects of gambling, deer hunting, and following local sports; if it takes too much time and energy from, for example, a marriage relationship, then it, whatever "it" is, is a problem.

As a crossdresser, as a human being, as a partner, it's my responsibility to balance my activities and behavior so that I maximize the success and happiness of all my commitments and relationships. It's never "all me," it's never "all them," it's always all "us."

Being who I am and doing what I do, in this case crossdressing, I have the task, or, joy, of working this aspect of myself into the rest of our lives happily. This is why, in the past and with daily vigilance, I have strenuously objected to SOs ignoring my needs and interests by pointing out that stone-walling me was frustrating our mutual interests:

"A house divided cannot stand."

Sex, beyond pure hormones and blind lust, takes place mostly in the mind. A long-term relationship that includes a peaceful and satisfying sex life has to be more than just biology; it has to be psychology and sociology; you have to have the intimate picture and the big picture too. It all - more in your head than in bed - has to fit together as a clear, satisfying picture... Love, trust, respect, support, security.

Foreplay is not what you did five seconds ago. It's what you did yesterday, last week, last year, and before she met you. It's also today, tomorrow, and twenty years from now.

My SO, when I discussed this thread with her before I began typing, pointed out that some women don't like sex all that much (everyone is different) and are perfectly happy having someone great in their lives who they get along with... "And, that's great for everyone when it works out happily for both."

Her point is certainly valid. And, it's also valid to note that she is definitely not of that "No sex, or, you having all the sex, is fine with me" group...

With that in mind, all the more reason to pay attention to what balance I need to take for "us" both to be happy. I read with some interest the discussion of what I have simply termed "auto erotic" behavior for years. Some times, "You just gotta do what you gotta do." I tend to think of it as "self-actualizing" behavior: you want to do something (get another ipod, get the dress shoes fixed) and it's on your mind until you reach your goal.

Viola, happiness - a process, not a place.

Long story short, if everyone is happy with how they get along, I suppose that it alright. But, and it's a big "but," I have to wonder how happy most Cder's are when they constantly complain about the SOs not "getting" them, not wanting to see them dressed, etc.

Mine gets it that this is important to me, and she also gets it that this is something I pursue while taking care of her happiness. We have a great sex life, but I think it's because we have a pretty good life - and that's the result of facing issues and working out things together. Including sex...