Interesting reading...

I've always had trouble getting along with people in general when I was a child and even still today I have problems or issues. I'm also diagnosed as a Manic Depressive/Schizophrenic as well as a few other things, depression, paranoia, OCD, Post Traumatic Stress...you name it. Most of the time I'd prefer the company of my kitties than a human. LOL.

As a child I was awkward, strange, weird, not-normal and pretty much never had any friends until I hit about the 8th grade. Up until then I did not have a single friend or someone I could consider an actual friend because kids were severely cruel to me. It did not help that my father was extremely abusive. I grew up much differently than probably alot of people here. My parents I think probably realized that I was not female whether they knew they realized it or not when I was really young and they really treated me as male in alot of ways. I was essentially raised like a boy. This is one reason why I do not always relate to threads/posts on here and if I don't rather than say something that may hurt the other person I'll usually just read and not post. I don't want to discourage anyone so sometimes I'll keep quiet.

As a child I dressed like a boy, I was allowed to dress how I wanted and felt. With the exception of wearing boys underwear, I got my ass kicked for that one. I was allowed to act like a boy except I could not go out without my shirt on. I hated that especially growing up in the hot, humid south. I wore boys shoes and clothes because actually girls clothes would wear out too quickly. My mom bought boys stuff because I would not put holes in it before it got to the first wash cycle. Of course back then no one really came out as transgendered and there was not much information or support for it even with doctors. If my parents had realized that I was transgendered and it had been closer to how it is today then they might of allowed me to choose. I told my mom many times that I was a boy.

As a result of all this my communication skills are pretty lacking in alot of ways I'm sure. I can't tell how many times I've said something and then the next thing I knew all hell broke loose and every freaking one is freaking out. I'm thinking to myself...What?! All I said was_____________! This kept me from having friends as a kid I'm sure. I cannot help but wonder if being transgendered had not been so severely frowned upon when I was a kid if I had come out if thing could have been different for me. If I had actually been seen as a boy instead of a girl trying to act like a boy maybe things would of been different. Everyone saw me as someone who was trying to be a boy. This was quite frustrating for me and very upsetting.

I was always pretty violent as well but I do not have Asperger's Syndrome. Good thing I guess I had enough problems and did not need an extra one lol. I played sports actually played soccer for about 24 years even played Semi-Pro soccer as well until my knee got blown out. I'm a musician so I play several instruments and I did like to read as well, mostly horror & Sci-Fi stuff. Team sports I guess helped me cope with the anger & with other people somewhat although quite a bit of the time I did not cope well at all, I would beam them upside the head with the ball or do other things. I was a goalkeeper so I could get away with stuff others could not lol.

But overall growing up was a very lonely, upsetting time that I'm glad I do not have to repeat it ever again.