Why are you different

[Naomi Rayne]

I think this can be answered in a much simpler way. Lets take shoes for instance. I love shoes. I love Guys sneakers, and i love Womens heels. Heels for example somewhere along the way a member of society that is a women by gender said id like to wear a shoe that looks like this and came up with heels, then other women were like hey i like that and they wanted to wear them, im sure somewhere along that way a guy said, hmm i wonder if i can wear them, and the women in turn said these are ours, u find something that fits a man, so it all goes back to gender roles in society, but i look at it as i just love shoes, and just because society tell me what im supposed to wear doesnt mean thats how i have to do it. So really its not about expressing a "feminine side" its just about what you like, some of us like to wear clothes that are made for women by society.

[Stacy L]

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[SIZE="3"]I'm not different, everybody else is! ......[/SIZE]












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[eluuzion]

I'm convinced reason is because I never ate my vegetables when I was kid,

There are three basic "theories" in the psych communities regarding "paraphilias"...

1) There may be a biologic predisposition (abnormal EEG, hormone level) etiology.
In my opinion there is insufficient data to convincingly support this; it is just too big of a stretch for me to currently believe.

2) Psychoanalytic theory holds that it results from fixation at one of the psychosexual phases of development.
I do believe this is (only) also partially applicable in my case.

3) Learning theory holds that the act was associated with sexual arousal during childhood and conditioned learning occurred.
I do believe this is in part, another "contributing" factor in my case.

Other cognitive/emotional events and circumstances present during "childhood" are major contributing factors as well...
My father was intensely critical, demeaning, emotionally absent, physically unavailable as well as verbally abusive. I have one sister, who is one year older. She was always perceived as the “Queen”, I was always perceived as the “Malfeasant”, with disregard of all my accomplishments.
I have always been exceptionally curious by nature, and prone to explore everything “first hand” and in depth. (“eccentric” is a familiar label).

I have always been a “leader”, but have never felt I was genuinely “accepted” or “fit” into any social “membership” in my life. (including those in which I held the position of ultimate responsibility). I cannot provide any better clarity on this issue than that provided in two insightful statements contained in ReineD’s recent post…

[“The willingness to live out on the fringe, which also means some degree of not fitting in with other people, which in turn means some degree of being excluded, whether this is the CDer's or other people's choice.” {ReineD}

“In short, a lack of close friendships, of feeling connected to others compared to non-CDs.” ] …{ ReineD}

So, IMO..."We are all exactly alike, except for the fact that we are totally different."

[Bethany38]

Why does it have to be some deep secret meaning? Why can't it just be that we like wearing feminine stuff and feeling girly sometimes? Isn't that enough? I think sometimes there's this desire on these boards to get to the root of things, like it's a problem that can be solved, but isn't it better to just say, hey I dig this and so I do it.

[SIZE=4]I have to say Turkey I really like this answer that you have posted. I would like to know"why" but, I can live with what you have said above. Now for the OP's original ?. I do not know what the root of this is. I do know that my Grandfather was a CD, and I also know I was raised by four Women. I don't know if any of those things come into play or not. I think that there may be a combination of nature and nurture With my own predisposition toward CD'ing.[/SIZE]

[Joanne f]

I agree in that it is not necessary to know why and like Deborah Jane said we are all individuals and to know why may show differences as well as similarities to others , maybe i should be like most and be satisfied with just being me although i know i am different , very different as it go`s way beyond just the liking of wearing female clothes .
Thank you for the replies

[noeleena]

Hi.

The whys & where fors .

Or could it just be we are born this way. & we did not have a say in how we were going to be or how our brain is wired.

I know im different & accepted that fact, & have over the last few years just enjoyed who i am . I refuse to try & figger out the whys & were fors . because i will miss out on my living as to who i am, & look back over my shoulder thinking is this real or not ,
This is my life & ill live it the best way i can , & thatll be as a woman.
Thats not to say its not an interesting > ? <



so, because im a mix of both m & f & its really the woman in me who is doing the living & thats whats the best part of my life .
Iv accepted that im a woman & if there are some who cant accept that i wont stop being who i should be, because of them ,

in Answer to the ? because i am who i am , is why i live being true to my self.

...noeleena...

[Kate Simmons]

As to where it comes from. This is just a shadow of the multidimensional reality.

[joannemarie barker]

i don't know if i'm different.how do i know that not every man likes to wear a dress in secret

[Annaliese2010]

I have always been a “leader”, but have never felt I was genuinely “accepted” or “fit” into any social “membership” in my life. (including those in which I held the position of ultimate responsibility). I cannot provide any better clarity on this issue than that provided in two insightful statements contained in ReineD’s recent post…

[“The willingness to live out on the fringe, which also means some degree of not fitting in with other people, which in turn means some degree of being excluded, whether this is the CDer's or other people's choice.” {ReineD}

“In short, a lack of close friendships, of feeling connected to others compared to non-CDs.” ] …{ ReineD}

I totally relate to this. I have never really found a place, a group, a lover or friend that allowed me to drop my gaurd, feel totally at ease and think "ahh...now I can relax, I'm understood, accepted and safe". Even when I go out of my way to be really sincerely helpful flexible and willing to compromise, it makes no difference - at least not in a positive way, In fact more often than not, my purposeful attempts to socialize somehow makes it worse - or - results in false connections and usury. I used to envy 'normal ppl' who have such rich interconnected lives - and it all just happens for them so effortlessly, like falling off a log. So... IDK... I guess there's just some key whatever I apparently lack. I mean... even here, while most everyone is really nice, I still don't really fit in and can sometimes be misunderstood with dramatic result; sometimes good, more often bad. Odd thing is, this kind of thing applies only to my personal life because take the mirror image of that and you have an idea of how great my professional life or workday world is and always has been: easy, successful, self determined, ever advancing - and where all my people interactions are smooth, friendly, easy, enjoyable, automatic and like second nature to me - got peeps all around the effin world - tons of biz friends, all corners...but I don't let it go to my head anymore 'cause at the end of the week, what do I got? Not a whole lot - which is why Saturday night is the worst! I'm all for a mandatory 7 day work week. Kinda hate the weekends, and Sat night actually scares me.

[Jonianne]

I was reading an article about the methods a (religious) psychologist used to try to drive feminity out of little boys. It disgusted me. All he was doing was forcing the child to repress part of his personality.

Why can't they see that life is not simply black and white, entirely masculine or feminine. That everyone doesn't fit the mould they have chosen to live in themselves and try to force everyone else to fit in that same mould.

They aren't destroying the feminine qualities in a little boy, they are causing him to repress them and destroying his personality.

My answer to your question is that I believe it is our personality, a mix of nature and nurture that gives us the propensitity to want to be like females in certain ways. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum between masculine and feminine. We just happen to be a little closer to the feminine than most non-CD'ers are.

I believe people, if left alone, will naturaly gravitate to where they get their needs met.

[Frédérique]

What do you think it is that makes you different from a non CD/TG and i do not mean " i just like to feel feminine" i mean why do you think you like to feel feminine when others do not , what is that driving force and where does it come from.

[SIZE="2"]It’s a conscious pushing away from male behavior I have witnessed or observed, married with a realization that I am imbued with the same behavior – I dress to distance myself from male-ness. “Feeling” feminine is a relative concept, as I keep finding out around here, but for me it’s just a turning away from a singular aspect of me, and embracing a more integrated being. The dressing and all external manifestations of this detachment are merely surface aspects of a much deeper involvement with questions of gender. I imagine there are a lot of non- CD/TG people who are uninterested in experimenting with life and trying as many things as possible (while you can), but I’m sure there is a curious minority (or even a majority) who wonder about themselves. We are the ones who acted on the idea consciously, since that eventuality was inevitable or inborn… [/SIZE]

[Girl]

I can't explain why but I'm just absolutely totally driven to express a very feminine side of me. It's an urge I've had since childhood which simply cannot be surpressed. Even though it has occasionally caused me problems, I love my femininity and would never ever change it for anything!

[Angiemead12]

Im different because I can think from both sides of the coin, I understand the differences of both sexes and how to use it to my advantage.

[Annaliese2010]

Im different because I can think from both sides of the coin, I understand the differences of both sexes and how to use it to my advantage.

Well put, I just gotta say you pretty much nailed it for me - it's how I see it. 'Cause in the end, there are no answers, no reasons, no golden standards. Just living and dieing and the adventure that is your life's doing in between these bookends. Aside from the most basic and obvious ethics of good & bad, there is no ultimate moral standard, no final judgment or reason to please anyone but yourself and those you love. To be responsible and live a balanced, heathy life; to be drivin from within by the need to survive, self improve and self advance - are all one needs to get up and go with a clear conscience, unfettered by doubt or any question of whether or not you're living up, down or running around any stupid idea of whats what as stated or imposed by some jack-ass know it all shrink, priest, parent or clergy.

I live my life as I please, bow before NO one, follow NO creed, NO convention, yield to no other authority than that which by my own reasoning and logic I set for myself - to achieve my own ends. Rugged individualism...the only way to be! Forget about "reasons". LIVE!

[Andromeda]

It's my belief that the reason that we are different is biological in nature. I don't know if it's genetic or embryological and or both I don't know. In evolutionary terms we are all prototypes: so accept and enjoy what you cannot change.

[Renee_E]

I am different because since I was a kid I wished I was a girl.