Just come out to my partner

[Sarah Doepner]

Best of luck to both of you. It is a lot to process in a short time and it sounds like your bride is willing to think things through if she has the time and knows she has your love.

[Lexine]

Lanky, you've been very brave for what you've done and faced what I at least hope is the "crest" of her reaction to your CDing. Like what most of the girls here say, take it slow and suggest joining the FAB forum here so that she may have support from women who are going through similar things. I'm under the impression that coming out is one of the most difficult things to have happen to anyone in marriages, moreso than infidelity, however it also has a strong potential to strengthen it in the process. Patience is virtue and, in this case, one can eventually lead to something even more wonderful.

[DonniDarkness]

Lanky,

Its a tough time right now for you and i just wanted to share with you some things i have learned about reactions from our spouses that i have learned (very recently) even after 10 yrs of her knowing i wear girls clothes.

One thing she said shocked me though: she said she wouldn't have minded as much if I had had an affair! That seems far worse to me.

Completely normal reaction, because for the simple fact that an affair can be over and done with, and she wont have to deal with it on a day to day basis after the truth has come out. Seriously.

She put the ring back on and apologised for over-reacting.

The act of your spouse taking their ring off is a common reaction for something that is ground shaking to your relationship, it is heartbreaking for both parties and the fact that she CHOSE to put it back on, is in it self a statement that you are worth walking across the hot coals for.

She wants me to say I won't cd anymore. I guess that looks straightforward from her point of view. I feel tempted to promising anything if it will help me keep her, but I haven't done that

This is the part when the girls chime in "Give her TIME"

Very true, but one bit of advice before you continue: Dont let the amount of time that passes structure your view about how she feels about you. Anxiety will be your foe, so prevail through communication.

Good Luck and a big Hug,
-Donni-

[Sarah_GG]

Lanky - I think you've done the right thing. It will take time for your wife to accept and then she will have days when she doesn't. It's a steep learning curve but you've definitely done the right thing in telling her.

I do hope she will join us in the FAB forum to air some of those issues.

to both of you.

[SusanLeigh3454]

I am so thankful that your wife put her ring back on. When I read your postings, I saw myself in the same predicament. My wife is being barely tolerant of my getting my ears pierced. I know that there will be a point in time when I will have to have "the talk". I do not think that I am emotionally ready for a scene like seeing the wedding ring on the table.

On the positive note, I have to say thank you to the administrators of this site. Lanky, you were in crisis, and within moments girls from every corner of the earth were there with understanding and support. It is so incredible and reassuring to see that outpouring.

[Lanky]

On the positive note, I have to say thank you to the administrators of this site. Lanky, you were in crisis, and within moments girls from every corner of the earth were there with understanding and support. It is so incredible and reassuring to see that outpouring.

Absolutely, SusanLeigh! It's obvious the admins and regular contributors put in a lot of effort to make this site work. Thank you all.

Think about how marginalised TGs are as a group of people. Perhaps it's like how gays were in the 1950s, or blacks before the civil rights movement. I hear that in the US, there's a movement to bring a bill before congress to give transsexuals equal rights in the workplace. Wouldn't that be brilliant? Part of me scoffs and says "It'll never happen in my lifetime", but then I think how far we have come since the start of the Internet in the late 90s. Do you think we're on an upward curve towards greater acceptance by society? If so, it's surely driven by communities like this one.

SusanLeigh, I realised I had to tell my wife when I met and talked to a CDer for the first time (who runs a shop where I got my first silicon breast forms). He showed me it was possible for a wife to accept it and warned me what to expect. But even so, it has taken me two years to pluck up courage to tell her. I hope you can get to that stage more quickly than me. Good luck!