A little white lie

[Lexine]

I also am two distinct personalities. Tina and I share the data bank in our shared brain, but (as my wife cogently explained) we use this data differently. We have different opinions on certain topics and view the world through a different lense.

If you are going to maintain both personalities publically, if the people you interact with regularly don't get to know both sides of your personality they will be confused at the very least, and embarassed at worst when they say or do something that is totally wrong for your current personality (name is just one issue).

Thus, at least for family, this needs to be explained, and I don't see the big issue if, in fact, you are going to be "out" to your family. I do think that it's the case that when you've been introduced in your male mode, you are being introduced as that personality. By introducing you in the Lexi mode, it is being made clear that this is a different entity and needs to be met again. How that is done can have as many variations as the stars, and that's where the compromise between the two of you has to happen so that neither of you is uncomfortable.

tina

I think the challenge is to try to figure out how Elizabeth would still speak the truth without lying because she feels unable to deal with the fact that she knows Alex and Lexi are the same people and that she's essentially fooling her relatives into thinking that they're completely different entities.

Would you hesitate to be called darling or honey or dear in public?

Actually I would hesitate considering we're not even dating and... if anything... she'd be way overly conscious about that sort of thing because it implies that we're together

Lexi is the universally accepted name for my girl side. While it might not be a big deal to some, we (collectively, meaning myself and my friends) use these names to identify what gender side of me they're talking about. It removes the awkwardness of saying "Alex, the boy" or "Alex, the girl."

But the issue here isn't about what my best friend should call me... the issue is should my best friend lie and introduce me again to people who have met one side of me already and, if so, are there other ways to introduce Lexi and Alex as two completely different individuals just as I had hoped them to be.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Here's the thing. Aside from your own bff's wishes (and yes, unlike most others on this thread, I get that she's your best friend and not your GIRLFRIEND), you also have to realize that most of the people you meet do not have the same empathy for the transgendered psyche as you do, or as your friend does even. Furthermore, you may have to consider that while you may be very passable, and your pictures suggest that you are, people who have met you for any considerable amount of time as Alex will probably read you as Lexi, even if not right away.

While you may insist on hoping that people see Lexi and Alex as two different people, you also have to understand that it's asking a lot of people who are less initiated to this world than you, to not only accept you for how you dress, but also jump through the mental hoops that you're setting up for them to treat you differently.

Furthermore, she isn't outing you to everyone she meets without your consent. If you're choosing to be in a situation where someone who knows Alex meets you as Lexi, you're choosing for there to be the strong possibility that you'll be read by them.

Now, if the preference is for you to have people refer to you as Alex in boy mode and Lexi in girl mode, that can be expressed in a way that is less mentally trying for everyone, even if means letting go of the outward concept that you're two different people.

[iloveps]

Wow ryan explained it spot on! I wholeheartedly agree!

[Fab Karen]

If you intend to meet, interact, and visit with the same people as both Alex and Lexi, it's just a question of time, and in my opinion a very short amount of time, before they figure it out. If you intend to do this very brave and "out" thing, why don't you just cowboy up and tell them?
No lies are told, and no one feels duped when they find out later that you have fooled them.

My last thought is that you need someone to smack you upside the head. You have a friend that is willing to hang out with you. She is willing to share time, life , and laughs with you, and even go shopping with you, and you're quibbling over the small stuff?!

I have to agree ( thought I'm doubtful that many cowboys were CD's & came out ).

Unless your name is Sybil, you aren't two distinct personalities.

[Lexine]

While you may insist on hoping that people see Lexi and Alex as two different people, you also have to understand that it's asking a lot of people who are less initiated to this world than you, to not only accept you for how you dress, but also jump through the mental hoops that you're setting up for them to treat you differently.

Well, yea now I get that part.

Now I'm trying to figure out where the anxiety comes from with all this because there was a time period when Alex and Lexi weren't treated distinctly different. The only thing I can think of is the way that my close friends describe either side, and somewhere maybe I thought that it would be okay to present myself in that manner so I went with it and thought it was a good idea.

Either way, this discussion is beyond the scope of this thread and I'll post an appropriate thread on it should I require additional assistance.

I will be sending the responses from this thread to Elizabeth today, so if any of the mods can lock this thread that would be much appreciated

[5150 Girl]

I don't know, I don't feel like I'm lying when I say "my name is wynonna" when I'm dressed, becasue in my heart and mind, this is who I am.

Or hey, try this, one day I went into a bank where I've done buisness for a long time, I got the wild hair to go in there dressed... The teller adressed me by my drab name. (luckily I was the only customer in there at the time)
Anywho, I leane in a bit, and in a soft tone said, "It's Wynonna today"... Adding that little "TODAY" may make a difence to your freind.
However, now I have all the tellers calling me by my fem name, regardless of how I present.