Personally, I would rather be in a relationship in which both parties share responsibilities and "power" equally. then again, i'm a socialist and think damn near everything should be equal.
Personally, I would rather be in a relationship in which both parties share responsibilities and "power" equally. then again, i'm a socialist and think damn near everything should be equal.
Josephine Michelle Larens
[SIZE="3"]Way down deep I'm a man. Shush, keep that kind of quiet around here. I like being a man and I lead in dance, and in the dance of life. I don't really dominate, I lead. I'm subject to correction and am enjoy learning from women on how to lead better. Someone has to lead. I will step up to that responsibility. I work for a woman who lets me lead. She's very smart and knows how to get the best from me. If a woman wants to lead, I'll let her. I'm sure not going to fight her for the lead, but following does not come naturally or easy for me.
Now a little role playing is quite another thing. I'd love for a female dominant to tie me up en femme and force me to submit to her. I'd also like to do the reverse and be that dominant. I love to play and am game for just about anything. I'll be driving on the way home though.[/SIZE]
Lynn Marie
Click here to see me on Flickr
Hmmm I don't personally think it is so cut and dried as CD = Submissive. I think there are times I like to play a bit submissive and then there are others where I want to be the one to call the shots.
Hi Darla,Originally Posted by darla_g
Hmmm I don't personally think it is so cut and dried as CD = Submissive. I think there are times I like to play a bit submissive and then there are others where I want to be the one to call the shots.
I agree, nothing is cut and dry. I merely suggested that many CD's also enjoy the submissive roll with a GG. Of course there are some that are either gay or bi that enjoy being submissive to a male or even another TG.
At another site expressly for those of us into D/s or other BDSM activities or lifestyles, it just seems that so many submissive males there are also crossdressers. Also in reading many posts here on various topics, many CD's mention they are either submissive or would like to be.
Again for some, it is just a roll play thing they'd love to try with a partner. For others it's merely a bedroom game with their SO. But in every other way they are either equal or even dominate int e day to day relationship with their partner.
The activities, interest, and depth of submission is as wide as the spectrum of a rainbow. No two are just alike. And the personal reasons some of us are into it would vary as much.
There are also many men that do not consider themselves to be crossdressers, but are submissive's that would obey a Dominant's order to dress in a feminine manner. They wold never dress in feminine clothes without being ordered to or expected to by the dominant woman in their life. Some men get off on the humiliation of it. But to a CD, their is no humiliation in dressing for the dominant.
Just my observations and opinion of course.
Thanks for the reply. I'm probably a different degree of crossdresser than you. I've only been completely made up with wig and make-up, etc. once in my life. I get what your saying about "forced feminization" being an oxymoron in relation to this forum. On the contrary, I've read many posts of others, on this site, expressing their interest in being commanded on what female articles their SO wants them to wear. With that being said, to each their own. Got more feedback?
Aaaargh - we are all different. There will be some doms and some subs amongst us. But lets just play the games and have fun.
Me? I'm definately a sub. And proud of it. Because I call the shots!
Hugs
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
I am submissive by nature, my wife is also submissive by nature, I am way more into BDSM than she is and she will treat me as a submissive during play time if I ask for it. she prefers me to take the reins so to speak when she is in that mood. She is not into BDSM Dom/sub behavior as much but as far as personality traits, I was submissive prior to discovering I was a crossdresser.
Hmm, I was a crossdresser long before I discovered I was a submissive. Interesting
Sub / Dom
[SIZE="3"]I have to agree that when I am dressed up I am submissive and my wife is more dominate, though when she wants me to be more dominate she has her ways. It is about reading my partner. I had a girlfriend once that no matter what I did she was in charge, in a way it was nice and sexy but after awhile no matter what I did or tried to do she would shoot me down or belittle me infront of folks and make me feel real bad. No at that time she didn't know I would then secretly dress up. We only were together for just under a year. She put me on the spot once infront of her friends and I said "no". I haven't spoken to her since.
If you are going to try some Sub / Dom experience you should first speak about it with your partner. Use a "safe word" so that if either of you don't like what is going on there is an easy out. And most importantly communicate with your partner. Whether it is about her / him asking you to clean the house or cook supper to whatever yall do in the bedroom. Don't take anything for granted and don't ever get angry if she / he isn't into Sub / Dom ideas.
Being Dominate can be fun as is being Submissive. I prefer being Submissive...
[/SIZE]
Sissy_Michelle, A Dominant GG that would belittle you and put you down, especially in front of others is not being a Dominant, it's being dominating. I am only interested in those relationships that are in fact very loving and caring D/s relationships between a CD or man and the woman he loves. In fact any partner that would humiliate their mate that way is not what I'd calla good partner at all, even without acknowledging any Dom/sub roles.[SIZE="3"]I have to agree that when I am dressed up I am submissive and my wife is more dominate, though when she wants me to be more dominate she has her ways. It is about reading my partner. I had a girlfriend once that no matter what I did she was in charge, in a way it was nice and sexy but after awhile no matter what I did or tried to do she would shoot me down or belittle me infront of folks and make me feel real bad. No at that time she didn't know I would then secretly dress up. We only were together for just under a year. She put me on the spot once infront of her friends and I said "no". I haven't spoken to her since.
If you are going to try some Sub / Dom experience you should first speak about it with your partner. Use a "safe word" so that if either of you don't like what is going on there is an easy out. And most importantly communicate with your partner. Whether it is about her / him asking you to clean the house or cook supper to whatever yall do in the bedroom. Don't take anything for granted and don't ever get angry if she / he isn't into Sub / Dom ideas.
Being Dominate can be fun as is being Submissive. I prefer being Submissive...
A good D/s relationship is no different then any other when it comes to trust, honesty and communication. The only difference is that roles are defined and lines are drawn as to who is in charge and when (if not 24/7) There is no right or wrong way. Each couple will be different with different rules and again, like any other relationship, some boundaries will likely be agreed upon.
Like many others have pointed out in this thread, there seem to be many different definitions of submission. As for me, I often think of it more as having more comfort with being responsive rather than taking the initiative in relationships, particularly with women. I prefer being pursued rather than pursuing, which in some case may makes me believe I am somewhat narcissistic and does not make it easy in intimate relationships with women.
In my fantasy life, I enjoy being submissive to the point of being "forced" to do certain things sexually or non-sexually by a woman, and has been part of my fantasy life since adolescence. However, in reality when I have felt pressured by a women to have sex or do non-sexual activities, I rarely find it exciting or enjoyable and frequently find it shaming and invalidating.
The stereotypically feminine clothing that I enjoy wearing to me represents the sexual power that women in our culture are "allowed" to express and had to use historically when they had little other avenues to be powerful. IMHO, men in our culture, outside of the gay community are not "permitted" to express their sexuality in clothing and behavior, at least outside of the bedroom. That I think is a big reason why I express that side of myself in feminine clothing. I seem to be more comfortable expressing power that way rather than overtly by being dominant or in control.
Odd that your fantasy does not match the reality of those times a woman 'pressured' you to do something. But that might be the key. You felt pressured as apposed to being ordered to do something she demanded you to do.
I have never felt pressured to do anything that my Domme has ordered me to do. it was my pleasure, privilege and desire to do all she asks of me. The clothes have little to do with my desire to serve her wants and needs.
I see no shame or invalidating by my doing as she wishes me to do.
[SIZE="3"]I am quite submissive to GG's when dressed, and love femdom play. A cute GG that smokes can do ANYTHING she wants with/to me! But I'm VERY dominant to men, boi's and some tgurls when I'm dressed. But I agree the line between dominant and @$$hole gets crossed a lot, especially with genetic males. I work very hard at avoiding such people. [/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]Tina D'Orsay
Central Iowa
"Silence is golden,duct tape is silver."
"You can never be to rich, to thin or wear too high heels."[/SIZE]
I flip flop. I'm a quiet guy. I'm not really the take charge type. I like when my wife takes charge, which is good cuz thats how she is. I like to be more submissive. Maybe I'm just lazy? I like it but in a loving way. Now when I'm dressed she says I'm very aggressive and she really likes that. Psychology is an interesting thing...
In a recent RuPaul segment they did drag makeovers for tomboy GGs. In one exchange the GG says she always dressed as a boy when she was child because she felt the need to feel powerful. RuPaul says he dresses as a woman in order to feel powerful.
Yes, psychology is an interesting thing.
For me, I'm not sure the correct word would be submissive. But like girls, I prefer to be re-active to being the initiator of activities, and that includes romantic stuff as well as sex. I'd much prefer she lead and I follow.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
You know, I had a thought. Seems to me that in some relationships where the CD is pressuring his wife or SO into accepting or allowing more dressing or whatever his desires are is the opposite of being submissive. In fact, it could be said he is dominating the relationship by continually pushing for more acceptance or expanding the agreed upon boundaries. So with that said, I suspect those personalities would not be good candidates for being submissive. No wonder their wives are frustrated! If those same CD's would give more of themselves in any way the wife wishes, I bet they'd get a lot more acceptance.
How many times have we read where a CD finally tells his wife, she accepts at first and then soon becomes overwhelmed with her mate's always pushing the envelope. You know...where that newly discovered acceptance puts them in the pink cloud and they can't seem to get enough. And by doing so, turns the wife against what she at first accepted. Maybe not quite being a submissive to his wife, but if he paid more attention to her wants, needs, desires and was more helpful around the house, she would be more in tune with giving back to him what he needs.
I cherish my SO, I want to please her in every way I can. I freely admit to being submissive to her and she freely will admit to being a Domina. It's who we are to each other. So we both win in our chosen roles in each other's lives.
Whenever I fantacize about BDSM play, I am always the Dominatrix, with both men and women submitting to me. I am in charge of the bondage and discipline, though always remembering that the sub must have power too; if they don't get what they need, they don't come back. So it's a delicate balance in the relationship of mutual trust, respect and consent. But I do love holding the cat of nine tails.
Maybe it's some subconscious thing, like I want my feminine side to dominate my masculine, or at least get more expression, but that's how it works for me.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Non Nobis Domine, non Nobis, sed Nomine tua da Gloriam!"
"Science without Religion is lame, Religion without Science is blind." Albert Einsten.
"Champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends!" Irish American Toast.
DameErrant, interesting that you feel it could be your subconscious may see your fem side as a Dominatrix over both men and women. In trying to relate to that, I have to think of what kind of a woman I strive to emulate in my dressing. In my case, I see my fem side as that of a Lady, perhaps subservient to other women. After all I do like the role of being my Lady's maid when she wants me to be. But I never see myself subservient to a man or even to another CD. Even a CD/TG that I find very attractive. I see myself as anything but submissive other then to a woman that I admire, adore, love or lust after. There is no way I'd ever submit to another man or even a CD/TG. go figure.
So many different takes on who we are and what makes us tick.
Thanks for your post on the topic. I enjoy others views on BDSM or mainly D/s as much as I do reading, learning and sharing opinions, experiences and the psychology of being TG.
Like cross dressing itself, the world of BDSM ranges from a 24/7 lifestyle, like it is for me, to just an every now and then fun thing to do. For some it's just play or fantasy and for others it's a way of life.
I wouldn't want to be a submissive. However, I wouldn't mind being a partner of sorts with a dominatrix.
For example, there was this lady on the web named Lady Samantha. I don't know if any of you have heard of her. She had a site called ladysamantha.co.uk. Very attractive tall blond woman, about 5'11. I like the outfits that she wears. She wears boots, lingerie, and leather.
I wouldn't want to be one of her subjects. However, I wouldn't mind being a partner of hers that wears boots and lingerie around her mansion and helps her. Not with spanking and torturing submissives, but other things.
Heck, no. I would prefer being on more equal footing with whatever woman I finally get involved with. Sure doing something being dominant or submissive might be fun in the bedroom every once in awhile, like once every year or something. But my being submissive is just not going to happen. I don't take orders from other people very well, which is probably why I have gotten laid off from so many jobs over the last 20 years since I graduated high school.
There is a connection for me but it's not really clear cut. My earliest erotic fantasies, well before puberty, involved me being kidnapped and molested by adult women. Then, when I was 8, I actually was molested by some older girls. I rather liked it at the time, but it probably messed me up in the long run. I always wonder if I brought it on somehow since it kind of fit into my fantasy life. I also crossdressed since I was 4 or 5 but there was nothing sexual about it. I just wanted to be a girl.
I didn't have sexual fantasies involving crossdressing until I reached puberty. About that time I stumbled upon a stash of porn novels. One of the books was about a bunch of horny teenage boys who weren't having any luck getting girls to have sex with them. As a substitute, they devised some competitions among themselves where the loser had to dress up as a girl and let the other boys have their way with "her." For whatever reason, I was totally turned on by the thought of being the "girl" in those stories. I also thought I was probably gay, but I eventually got over that. One of the other books that made a big impression on me was about a Dominatrix and her male sex slaves. I often fantasized about being one of her slaves but there was no crossdressing or feminization in that book that I can remember.
The common theme in all my sexual fantasies, including the gentle, loving romantic ones, was that I was the bottom. In real life, it caused me big problems in relationships because, despite protestations and propaganda to the contrary, most GGs want to be the bottom, too – at least in the bedroom. I find that true even though I'm not particularly attracted to feminine women. We always seem to end up competing for the bottom spot because I approach sex more like the average GG than like the average male. I tried taking the male role all my life but never enjoyed it much and wasn't very good at it.
That's the way the marriage to my current wife started out. Things were starting to go a little sour in the bedroom department after a couple of years, especially since her libido is much greater than mine. I finally got honest with her and told her what I liked instead of just hinting around. I wanted to serve her without regard to my so-called needs. In fact it is what I find most satisfying. That's very difficult for most GGs -- at least the ones I've been involved with. They want to please their man and they take offense if he isn't interested. For her part, my wife was able to find her inner dominatrix and give me the domination I craved. In fact, I think she enjoys it a little too much sometimes. LOL. The main thing was that I got freed from having to be the “male” in the bedroom.
Ours is not like some cartoon, porn story femdom relationship. She isn't a leather clad, stiletto heeled, heavily made up, whip wielding Domme. Her Dominatrix outfit is flannel pjs and if she ever feels the need to wear makeup, she has to borrow it from me. She tells me that if one of us has to wear trashy underwear, it's not going to be her. The reason I started crossdressing again after about 15 years where I hardly ever dressed – and even then never all the way – was that she ordered me one day to put on a pair of her panties as part of an emasculation game. That triggered my desire to dress again. Now, she likes it when I get all sissied up but probably thinks she created a monster sometimes. So, what is the connection between crossdressing and submission? I don't know. Submissive is something I am, crossdressing is something I do. But, I'm submissive whether I'm crossdressed or not.
BTW, I'm hardly submissive in any other area of my life. I'm not really dominant either. I guess you could call me a lone wolf -- but a sweet and gentle one.
Oh! Me! Me me me me! Where? Who? LOL... Seriously though...I tend to be yielding and too willing to please (in general, not just sexually). It's just the way I've always been towards GG's but...I'm trying to change now actually. I mean...I'm down for anything sexually (with a GG or qualified truly transgendered M2F TG, though not ever with a male of any stripe, whether a CD'er or not). Kinky fun in the bedroom is one thing, but to be totally submissive to ANY one on a general daily basis isn't a good idea. First off, it's not healthy. Secondly, you're gonna get used and left in the end. No one respects anyone who gives and gives ad infinitum. Whether man, woman or somewhere in between, it's intrinsically weak & demeaning, severely so.
Lil Sissy Stevie, Thanks for sharing your story with us. It's interesting to know how others came to be the way they are concerning their dominance or submissiveness. Just like the way we came to be crossdressers. Many are similar but with a twist and others found their way to CD later in life etc.
But you made me think. Maybe the connection is that when we were growing up, it was always Daddy as the head of household. The housewife more or less submitted to her husband. So maybe our wanting to be submissive to a GG is a subconscious desire to be like the way it was when we were growing up. Many men think of women as being submissive, so it's natural that when we crossdress, we may see ourselves as submissive like the women around us when we were kids.
I am submissive to no one but the lady I love. Other then that, I am not a bit submissive to anyone including at work. I admit, I am not one to take orders well from a supervisor or manager. I have butted heads with several. Almost got me fired a time or two. But then again, I have owned my own business and I have been a manager in other businesses. So my tolerance for poor managers is low. lol
Annaliese, I'm sorry, I have to disagree wiht you. If it is my desire to always be submissive to the lady I love, then there is nothing wrong with it. I don't think you understand exactly what a loving D/s relationship is all about. Notice I said "loving"
I also disagree with you saying no one respects anyone who gives and gives. My Lady has the highest respect for me I could possibly have from a women. She does not use and abuse me. She loves me and realizes the gift of submission I freely give to her.
No it is not intrinsically weak and demeaning for me at all. If it was, I'd have nothing to do with it. In fact, it is my belief that it takes a strong man to give of himself so selflessly to a woman he loves.
How simple can this be...She gives me exactly what I want and I give her exactly what she wants. We are happy and will continue to be happy the way things are.
It's only demeaning when it is forced upon someone. Like the way some men control a woman. Yes, even some CD's. And sadly, some women are so beaten into submission (not necessarily literally) with hurtful words, threats and insults from those men, that they become to weak to leave it.
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