How do we present before we fully realize we are transgendered

[kimdl93]

to echo Reine's point, Atlantic Magazine a month or two ago had several articles describing how/why women are increasingly dominating the work force and ascending to leadership positions precisely because feminine attributes, emotional intelligence, good listening skills, nuturing are far more important in the modern world and workplace than physical strength or authoritarian behavior.

[Frédérique]

I have at various times in my life de-feminized/masculinized myself to meet certain challenges. I have also noticed that those of us who feel truly uncomfortable with themselves because they have trouble dealing with the idea of not being a complete man, often put much effort into being more masculine than they are. Of course such behavior cannot go unpunished and often the stories are that they suffer terribly.

What makes men in our society fear to be perceived as feminine or even effeminate. Why do we eye with suspicion a nurturing human being who is a man? Or do we? Is this an aspect that with few exceptions is simply in our head? How real is it that males that are feminine in their behavior, their activities, their preferences are ostracized?

[SIZE="2"]I don’t fear effeminacy; in fact I embrace it – not to do so would make me suffer terribly. I don’t expect to be accepted, of course, mainly because I know there are survival instincts at work, and most people don’t even realize why they “eye with suspicion” someone outside of the accepted norm. With that in mind, I put on my cloak of masculinity whenever I’m in contact with the outside world – granted, it’s a very thin cloak, a mere veneer, only what’s necessary to get me through a crowd without being noticed. Up close, regardless of my outward appearance (i.e. drab), I’m quite effeminate in manners and gestures, something I’m aware of, in fact I emphasize that part purely for effect. I enjoy being different, and that means not being masculine, but, at the same time, I’d rather not be seen – this involves a little subterfuge…

I think the ostracism towards effeminacy is quite real – it may be tolerated to a certain point, but tension is just under the surface, waiting for an outlet, as soon as a crowd gathers. Weakness (perceived or otherwise) has to be hunted down and destroyed, to make the strong that much stronger. I was picked-on enough back in school to know where I don’t fit in. To me, being a “complete man” has a different connotation, in regards to gender integration, but nobody wants to hear that idea in this polarized societal structure… [/SIZE]

[Kathryn Martin]

[SIZE="2"]I think the ostracism towards effeminacy is quite real – it may be tolerated to a certain point, but tension is just under the surface, waiting for an outlet, as soon as a crowd gathers. Weakness (perceived or otherwise) has to be hunted down and destroyed, to make the strong that much stronger. I was picked-on enough back in school to know where I don’t fit in. To me, being a “complete man” has a different connotation, in regards to gender integration, but nobody wants to hear that idea in this polarized societal structure… [/SIZE]

Your words here are very smart and sensitive to the reality of what you describe. I have experienced, albeit many, many years ago the same thing. I was fortunate that my parents took a different view of what a boy and a girl should be to those views generally espoused by society. So I also had a different connotation of what it was to be "man". For me it was always more related to sharpness of purpose but also single-minded-ness which I considered a failure. Female meant more the embrace of all that was perceived to be associated, with the flip side an emotional flowing out into the environment and loss of structure which I considered a failure. There is an enormous dissatisfaction that arises for me when reducing to words the richness of thought and perception I experience on the inside. The world we live in cannot subscribe to the imagination of reality with all it's facets but rather seeks reduction through conceptualization which makes the world poor but safe.

Kathryn

[Naomi Rayne]

The world we live in cannot subscribe to the imagination of reality with all it's facets but rather seeks reduction through conceptualization which makes the world poor but safe.

Kathryn

This caught me and i was very very touched by it. Imagination is limitless. The things we can do with our imagination are amazing so to me it doesnt matter what the world subscribes to. I will still be who i am and not be afraid to be me. The world is ever changing and i think that eventually us CDers will be seen and accepted whether or not the world is ready for us.

That was just something i wanted to say even though it only touched on that one specific part in this whole conversation. The rest if it i am so mindblown away by it that i cant even come up with something to say but i am enjoying reading it in its entirety.

[MichelleOBrien]

My belief on this topic? Simple. between homophobia and society's perceptions of gender roles, we're effectively equal to gay men, and though some of us do swing that way, those of us who aren't don't want that association. Because it always brings to mind the redneck screaming "faggot." Who wants to be the object of ridicule? not me.

But the decision we all have to make is what will we settle for out of what we want in order to be comfortable?