As you know, people do not change overnight, nor do people change others. People do however, sometimes deceive themselves into thinking this is possible. (New Year’s Eve resolutions, etc.). Even in small matters like “habits”, it takes around 21 days to elicit the change (moving a light switch…takes you about 21 days before you quit reaching out to the old switch location when you come in the room).
So then, what’s up with her sudden “change of heart” on what was such a heated issue? Here are a few possible motivations for her behavior…
-Hidden agendas as divorce strategies (usually suggested/implanted by attorneys). One typical strategy is to keep the opposition “happy” and “amicable” as long as possible to foster cooperation and generosity in the division of property and other matters.
Divorce is not a “friendly” process. Everything that divorce litigants do has a specific pre-planned strategy behind it. When attorneys are involved, you can count on it.
-Being antagonist is an expensive luxury in divorce proceedings. Both parties lose a lot of money by taking that position. (Attorney fees). This is one critical reason to control your attorney rather than have them control the process. Their “strategies” may be unnecessary or lengthy which increase the billable time.
-Emotions and egos are at stake. Nobody wants everybody to think they are the “bad guy” in a divorce. Being “nice” is one typical strategy to give the appearance that the other party is the aggressor and they are the “helpless victim” just defending themselves against injustice.
-Sometimes a shift in attitude helps to offset unforeseen circumstances that arise which have potential to change others’ impression of them. (kids find out “Dad” is not the ******* that “Mom” had portrayed him being). So a shift to being “nice” is a ploy to recover the moral support of the kids, which is shifting in favor of the other parent. Nothing worse than having your kids thinking you tricked them into disliking a parent.
-It is easier to “open up” to and/or be amicable with people when you know you will not have any vested interest in their life in the future. Things become “interesting” instead of “intolerable” when you know you they will no longer be affecting you personally.
-Regardless of the stress and pain a relationship may have caused, it is still the end of a significant part of both partners’ lives. Once the decision has been accepted and the due diligence is complete, there is really nothing to be gained by being nasty with the other party. Taking the time to acknowledge that the relationship was important is a positive step for both parties. It helps both parties look back without feeling the time invested was just “wasted time”.
-When you have children, you are divorcing your ex, but your responsibility as a parent continues. “Walking away” is only possible when you do not share children with your “ex”. Having children will require continual interaction with your ex. It is both parties’ best interest to cooperate with each other in the future. It is without question that this is in the best interest for any children involved. It is an incredible challenge to put aside personal differences with your ex in favor of minimizing the negative emotional impact of divorce on your children. But it is the right thing to do.
Then again, maybe you are just the recipient of a miracle. That one-in-a-million chance with the winning ticket. Your wife miraculously changed overnight. She changed her personality, her attitude with you, her views on crossdressing and her outlook on life as well. Hey, anything is possible…it happens on TV all the time…and if it is on television, then you know it has to be true…cough,cough…
Just my thoughts,
Whatever the outcome, I wish you well…
p.s. On this topic...it is probably wise to "do as I say, not as I do".
Originally Posted by erickka
