Why not!

[Nigella]

To add a little clarification, I am TS, but for a number of years before that considered myself TV. In deed I was out and about 24/7 for about 3 1/2 years before I accepted I was TS. I never had any doubts about going out en-femme, however I had reservations because of how my family would be seen by society. As a family we worked together to a point where we were all in the community as females. When we shared Nigella with the world, we lost one family as friends, that was it, I went to work as female, and when I was made redundant, (job changes, nothing to to with CDing) I applied for and was given my present job as Nigella.

I respect everyones wish to live their lives as they choose, but as someone commented earlier, don't blame anyone but yourself if you can go out and about but won't.

Thanks for all the replies,

[Lorileah]

for everyone who sa they do it out of respect for the spouse, I respect that but you are missing the point that as long as YOU think it is a bad thing and you allow your spouse to believe it is a bad thing (by either reinforcing it by staying hidden or by agreeing with her that you are some sort of strange person who should be hidden from the world) it will remain something that many consider to be "bad". So are you a bad person? Are you someone who should be kept out of society? Do you truly believe that you have "something" that the world should not share? I am not saying dis your wife and just go out but this is something you need to discuss with her. Why does she think you need to be hidden from the world? Shame? That would be too bad if you were ashamed of someone you loved. Fear? Fear of getting hurt? There are many safe places one can go. Fear of something else? Here is where we need to educate. We don't have an incurable illness. We aren't plagues on society. We are not criminals and we certainly are not mentally ill. The mental problem we have is our own fears. Things that usually don't happen and if they do they are not as bad as you expect.

Losing a friend? Friends don't make judgments like that. People who use you and pretend to be friends make judgments like that. I think it was said earlier that you may be missing on many more friends that you will never know.

Outted at your job. Well here is a problem that we see with closed minded people. They would get rid of a good hard working well respected productive part of the company because you wore something? That suit and tie sure does make you a better person..doesn't it? We see that daily when we watch the talking heads on the TV news...yes ties make you respectable. Not. In this economy though any excuse they can use to eliminate you would be bad, so yes, be careful about keeping your job. BUT on the other hand by being silent you allow this to keep happening. There is a bill called ENDA. It gets support from a great number of people and would end discrimination in the workplace for transgendered. If you ar in the closet and someone asks you how you feel about this do you hide in that closet? Do you say things like "yeah...who needs that?" or do you say "I think it is a great idea and being part of that community I support it". Well of course not. The status quo has worked so well to help protect people from discrimination who needs to change it?

In the closet, out on the streets. You do what you think is right. You live with fear or you live life.

Every home should have a walk out closet...don't you think?

[Julogden]

If you can dress as you like in public without serious repercussions, that's great, but some simply can't do that.

Everyone has their own unique situation and comfort level to take into consideration when it comes to going out in public or not, so just because it works for one person or for a group of persons doesn't mean it works for everyone. Reducing us to two camps is over-simplifying things, IMO.

There is a continuum of "camps" ranging from being able to come and go while dressed without any problem at one extreme to putting one's life, employment, housing, relationships and/or liberty at risk if we go out dressed. Keep in mind that there are all kinds of people from all over the world in these forums. Some here would literally be at risk of being imprisoned or killed if they openly dress.

and you would be a wuss.... and lack trust in your friends trust me, i they are your friends they will accept you... regardless... i told all my friends at a rally i put on and just toned down nikki slightly... basically kept makeup and dress situationally apropriate and minimal, it was their first time seeing nikki after all, and all are very suportive even if they need a few answers every once in a while.. but i will say i go beyond the realm of just CD....

Due to the somewhat condescending nature of your response, I took a look at some of your older postings to see if this is a regular thing for you, and I see that this isn't the first time that you've managed to insult a broad swath of people here. Hon, you need to stop and think before saying stuff like that, it really is insulting to many people here. You're welcome to your opinion, but that doesn't mean that it's OK to slap people in the face with it.

Keep in mind that you are young, which can make a big difference, young and pretty will often be tolerated more than older and not pretty. Because gender issues have received lots of coverage in the media in your lifetime, your friends of the same age are a lot more likely to be tolerant of someone who is a bit different, older member's friends and family are less likely to tolerate gender differences, in my experience, as we grew up in times when people were much less educated about or tolerant of people whose gender presentation is different, and old habits die hard, each generation tends to abide by what they learned when growing up.

Also, while you are a bit tall at 5'10", you're not tall enough to really attract attention in public, as there are plenty of females around that height. Try being in your late 50's and 6'5" tall in your stocking feet and then see how comfortable you'd be in public. Believe me, it makes a very significant difference.

Carol

[Lucy_Bella]

until there is understanding I am in the closet, I mean why not? We can't even get understanding amung ourselves here , we all know there are many different levels on the gender bar, why can we not respect each level? Nigellia , you yourself stated that it was a long journey before you came to being a TS and some confussion was involed( I do not know your whole story ) maybe some here who complain about being restricted have valid reasons.

Maybe they are fighting urges to become TS for many different reasons or waiting for the time to come just as you did. Any supported structure without a strong foundation will collapse . You had a strong foundation many here do not. What I am saying is to be more clear , exposure to some is a gamble. A risk that will change their lives forever . Closeted Cders in my own opinion are pretty much sure they do not want to live the rest of thier lives as a woman and go through un controlable spurts to express the feeling femme . What happens when that feeling goes away like mine does ? TS that feeling stays I assume , closet cders it doesnt .

I am not sure you fully understand and in explaining this I do NOT compare or feel any different between Cders and TS's I just wish there was more understanding between the two groups.

[Rianna Humble]

I have alot of friends and family that have no clue about Raychel. I am also very well know in the local area. For these reasons, Raychel will be staying in the house for a while.

Been there, done that, designed the teeshirt

I had lots of friends who had no idea about Rianna, that wasn't what stopped me in the early stages, it was what others might do to those friends if the others knew about me. Then I starte dgoing out but miles away from where I live and found that almost no-one batted an eyelid.

You could say that I was well known in the area - after all I had been possibly the third most prominent politician for my party in the town (after the MP and the then leader of the council) - so it was not surprising when my transition became front page news.

But I have been blown away by the positive responses from the people I used to serve and even some who used to oppose me. One of the best has to be a neighbour who wathed out for me after the newspaper article and came out to ask if there was anything he could do to support me. He even went so far as to ask me to promise that if anyone in the area gave me grief I would talk to him about it!

Someone who used to be a vocal political opponent stops to chat whenever she sees me now and compliments me on my look.

YMMV but being well known isn't always the barrier we imagine it might be. That said, this is your life we are talking about, Raychel, not mine so it is your right to choose what you do with it.

=================

I don't care if the world cares how I dress, Its my friends and family that I worry about. Most of them would accept it if I dressed in public (in time), some would not. Losing even just one friend would make it not worth it to me.

and you would be a wuss....

When we see such blatant intolerance from within our community is it any wonder that some of our brothers and sisters expect intolerance from those who do not know better?

[diannecourtney]

You know life is too short and people are too pissey to criticize those that are in the closet or whereever. Why not let us be whatever to preserve the moment, boy (or should girls) I love the ladies things. Love to all.

[marcy77]

Not sure which camp I'm in. Maybe a little of both. I don't go out in public because my family and my wife would not like it. But when they are not around, and I'm out of town - It's party time!

[sissystephanie]

Some people have said that they don't go out in public enfemme because they can't pass very well!! To me that is a very poor excuse! I went out before I was married, and I was not very good with makeup and fixing my wig. But I got away with it! Then when I married, and my dear wife did my makeup and fixed my wig!! I could easily pass when she got through!!

However, cancer took her over 5 years ago! But I love to wear feminine clothing and I love to go out in public. So I still do, as a man wearing a skirt or dress. Plus all the other female things, of course! But I very definitely look like a man. No wig and no makeup, just me!! Get compliments on my outfits, but very rarely hear any other kind. People really don't care, unless you are indecent or really weird looking.

If you don't go out because of family problems, that is one thing! But if you stay in because of the general public, you are really missing the boat!! Get dressed and get out!!!

[Lorileah]

fascinating, until there is understanding. How does one get understanding when one is hiding in the closet?

Every movement has had to have someone who is in the light. No group ever got understanding by keeping hidden in the dark. Everyone in the group gets the benefits and claims them after the fight. The one's who are in the fray want to just get on afterward but the one's who watched the war from the sidelines want to re-live every battle. You don't get anything without asking for it. A magic fairy doesn't come down and say "you have been so discreet and quiet. I'll grant you equality or understanding or even rights"

My feelings are if you stay in the closet you cannot complain about the darkness. You cannot say "why?" You cannot ask why you cannot be who you are. The answer is you can be anything you want to be IF you are willing to work for it.

[Lucy_Bella]

That depends on the angle of understanding, for those who are very open and those who express more Femme than Masculine compared to those who rarley express and just like dressing up sometimes. So ( I am trying to express this in a civil and polite way ). What those who represent by going out regularly isn't the same for those who wish they can take that first step..

Those of us who are still in the closet for obvious reasons remain in the closet ( we don't want the stereo typical tag tied to us ) Not because it a bad tag, but because it simply isn't us. Most of us are straight ,are in a marriage and have children,have a need to protect our way of living and have no desire to live full time as a woman. This isn't a sucker punch to anyone who does go out regularly and don'tget me wrong I am not placeing that TAG on those who do go out. Every enviroment and area we all live in is different and some need to cater to those needs.

Understanding must first begin with ones self and then branch out from there you just don't jump out of a 20 year closet and expect the world to accept who you are because people in a forum believe you are a chicken sh@t for allowing them to do all the foot work!! I have been out and to be honest for me ( maybe it was the alcohol ) it wasn't a big frickin deal so what!! I am up in the air about doing it again but the resources and ties are there for me to use and I can go out with little or no fear of being outed to anyone who may know me as my male self..

So just because some of us ( I say us because I was/am there ) want to drag our feet before jumping in head first to going out doesn't mean we will never go out.. So why the seperation? Instead encouragement and UNDERSTANDING to as why they /us have not leaped yet but the day may soon come, all we endure is we are wuss's.. Nice group..

[Lorileah]

I have been out and to be honest for me ( maybe it was the alcohol ) it wasn't a big frickin deal so what!! I am up in the air about doing it again but the resources and ties are there for me to use and I can go out with little or no fear of being outed to anyone who may know me as my male self..

So just because some of us ( I say us because I was/am there ) want to drag our feet before jumping in head first to going out doesn't mean we will never go out..

and you just made Nigella's point. It isn't a big deal.

So why the seperation? Instead encouragement and UNDERSTANDING to as why they /us have not leaped yet but the day may soon come, all we endure is we are wuss's.. Nice group..

No one said you were a "wuss". I made the point that if you don't come out don't complain. You need encouragement? OK. go out, be who you are, dress as you like. Or do you need reinforcement that you are doing what's right? Hiding and keeping secrets is not right. The longer you do keep secrets the bigger the explosion when it comes out. You fear for your children. Educating them that there are different lifestyles and people in the world is more protective than hiding things you don't think they will understand. You can start with telling them that most crossdressers are heterosexual and not gay. One of your "tags"...gone. It all starts with education.

and yes we are a nice group.

[Lucy_Bella]

I beg to differ on the WUSS part and that's what changed the topic because such a comment was made.. I also agree'd with Nigella, I have no problems with any group yes it is a nice group ,but to finger point on blazing any trail is just wrong. Most everyone of us start in the closet , to say one group is leading the way while others are shamefully crying about not having the balls to step out is wrong. In some cases thats far from the truth.

Understanding, meaning you yourself where there before and for what ever reason you left and moved on. Encouragement , meaning you should encourage people not be little them for what ever reason that keeps them in chains..

Not call them a wuss..

Like I suggested understanding, are you aware that some folks here have boundries they need to follow in order to keep a marriage? To break a promise even tho they long to go out because someone is pointing their finger at them and calling them a WUSS..

Now I would agree to dis agree that if the closet cder had nothing holding them back, no promises ,no boundries, no threats of loss income .. Yes maybe they shouldn't be crying and step out..

[Amanda22]

fascinating, until there is understanding. How does one get understanding when one is hiding in the closet?

Every movement has had to have someone who is in the light. No group ever got understanding by keeping hidden in the dark. Everyone in the group gets the benefits and claims them after the fight. The one's who are in the fray want to just get on afterward but the one's who watched the war from the sidelines want to re-live every battle. You don't get anything without asking for it. A magic fairy doesn't come down and say "you have been so discreet and quiet. I'll grant you equality or understanding or even rights"

My feelings are if you stay in the closet you cannot complain about the darkness. You cannot say "why?" You cannot ask why you cannot be who you are. The answer is you can be anything you want to be IF you are willing to work for it.

Very well said, LoriLeah! I love this and have read it several times. Worth remembering, definitely...

[Heather1129]

I am happy that you are able to live your life as you choose, I truly am. But comments like this coming from within our own community are uncalled for and hurtful. If you are pissed off that some here don't live up to your standards you don't have to stick around.:Angry3:

Well said, Jenny

Heather

[kaitlinrenee]

sorry, but i wasn't talking about anyone on here, i was talking about people out in public, with their smart remarks, toward those who crossdress,

[Samantha B L]

When I was 19 and 20 years old I used to go out everyday in satiny tops and stuff like polyester bell bottums. I had hair halfway down my back and it was dyed with a lot of Miss clairol and frost and tip. through shear persistance I figured out how to give myself boofoos,updos,topknots and even beehives! I was doing the best I could. I tried to do makeup but i couldn't get the hang of it and I would end up purging my makeup purchase stash then going out and buying it all over again. And I went out like this all the time. I found that people mostly just ignored me. I got an ocaisional dirty look or smart remark from a redneck type but it wasn't anything to be too concerned with. What happened eventually was that my mother and my brothers and some of my relatives who only lived a block away became so utterly hostile and openly menacing about my dressing that I made a kind of partial retreat and I told them "I quit dressing in drag". that was back around 1976 or 1977. A family freind advised me that my Mom and a couple of other people in my family "will never ever accept it". Yet I continue to dress when I can and of course,I am a member of this forum. I still dress and I NEVER QUIT DRESSING. I plan to look for opportunities to go out dressed in the coming years of my life. Now 80% of the time people aren't that uptight about "guys in drag" you might over hear them remark that they feel sorry for you or they might hurriedly tell their kids don't stare and eat your hamburger. Then you have to be cautious about stuff like rednecks or gangs. But are they at the cosmetic counter or David's Bridal? Probably not. So it's cool yet there is just a little bit of a stigma and just for the time being I dress at home and I don't go out in the suburban area of Minneapolis/St.Paul where I live as long as my Nephew is living at home and going to college. Just in case,and maybe I'm being overly cautious I don't want any kind of whammy coming back on him about his "weird Uncle". At the same time I've gotta say that being dressed in publc isn't as heavy a thing with most people as you might think and it's definately something I would recommend.

[kaitlinrenee]

i completely agree, there's people in my family that wouldn't agree with my dress style either,

[Michaela42]

I am now 36 years old. In my life I have been spit on, stabbed (2x), beat-up (countless times), electrocuted, burnt, shot at (countless times), been in a half dozen car accidents, suffered 10 broken bones, four major surgaries, called everything under the sun and in numerous languages. . . . "checks" yep, I am still here and breathing. I have told commissioned officers (on up to full admrils) to kiss my A$$. I simply do not care if you like me or not.

So why do I not go out dressed as Makaila? One word.

FAMILY

Like I said, I do not care what you think or do to me, but my family is basically all I really have. Spare me the "real friends will understand" bit. Too many of my family would be negatively affected and so Makaila will remain a bit of a secret. For now.

[kaitlinrenee]

i go out sometimes like that, but i have to sneak around about it because when i walk out my apartment door, my mom can look right out her back window, and see me, and basicly she would not be supportive of me doing this, if she did know about it, which she doesn't,

[suchacutie]

I am sorry to say that I find this thread a bit depressing. Maybe I always get depressed when I see us casting aspersions, names, and other detritus. People being called a wuss because they have agreements with their spouses? omg. Ok...people who blame their issues on others are not living in a real world. I get that, but is this the way we really want to conduct ourselves? Can we possibly think that this is the kind of support we should be giving to each other?



tina

[kaitlinrenee]

ok,thank you,

[Jennifer Girl]

As soon as I feel more comfortable with my ability to do my own makeup, I’m going to be going out all the time. As silly as it sounds, for me it’s just a matter of not feeling comfortable with my ability to do my own makeup well.

Although, it’s easy for me to feel this way because I’m single and live alone and live thousands of miles away from any of my family and I live in a very accepting city and my friends probably wouldn’t care. If I was married and had children and had family nearby, then I’d probably feel differently.

[Sedona]

@Makaila, sounds like you're either a former gang member, or an operator. If it's the later, thank you for your service.
@lorileah, I understand the reason to go all Stonewall, but like others have said, you have to respect others' situations and circumstances.

I think that there's the assumption that we are all crazed CDers who constantly "go out" or are scheming on how to "go out." I can't speak for anybody else, but I don't really care much about "going out."

I usually wear girl panties under the guy clothes, and dress up fully maybe a dozen days a year, maybe. Seven of them will come starting this week. I'll take a few vacation days, hit the salon, play dress up around the house, get my jollies (alone and with my wife), and will find I'll get bored with it after five or six days. It's a good thing my desire to dress is fairly low, as it gels with my wife's wishes regarding "going out" (she's generally opposed to it). But, for Halloween this year, she's kind of pushing me to go all out en femme. I might, but there's a cool guy costume I'd be happy to wear as well.

So, to answer the original question, Why Not? Maybe because I don't really care all that much to.

[Jorja]

I have just sat here reading all the posts in this thread. Is it any wonder we are a misunderstood lot? We can't even agree whether or not it is ok to stay in the closet or to go out and about. I am quickly approaching my 50 year anniversary from the time I really started dressing as a CD to now as a TS woman. So many things have changed in that time. Then you would have been shot on site or lynched if you were brave enough to stroll down the street in womans clothing. Now, they hardly bat an eye. Yes, there are the hecklers out there but even they are becoming less and less.
We all have our comfort level and reasons. It is a matter of personal choice as to whether or not we stay in or go out. If you chose to stay in, you are just as much a CD and sister as you are if you chose to go out. To those who have said you stay in out of respect for your SO, I respect and admire you for your devotion to your SO. For those that can't grasp this logic, be on your merry way and go enjoy your time out and about. In the end we are all in the same boat. We love to dress as a woman.

[kaitlinrenee]

i live alone too, except that i live right behind my parents, and would not be accepting of this, if they knew about it,