kids and crossdressing

[Pinky188]

Let me start of by giving you the dynamic of our very unuseual house hold! I live here with my two boys(Im a single dad). My girlfriend,who I dated for years back in high school and got back together with 3.5 years ago, lives with me, with her two boys.

The other day my youngest came into our room and stumbled accross my long blond locks! He asked, "whos wig is that"? I looked at my G.F. and she looked at me, both of us had some kind of crazy look on our face, and I blurted out "its hers"!!!!

Needless to say, at some point the kids are going to start wondering about the dresses hanging in both closets, wig, and so on. How should I address this with them? I also wear a long skirt around the house which they never question. I have told them that I like wearing skirts because they are comfy! Am I handeling this OK or not?

[RADER]

That is a tough question. Why don't you sit down with your girl friend and ask
her what she would like her kids to know about the subject. To me, her answer
would be a good gage about what to tell your kids about your likes in Dressing.
Both sets of kids should be on the same page, because if not, they will talk to each
other about your habits. I would go very slowly, and try to add a bit of ("Lets Keep
This A Family Secret") for now, unless you are ready for the neighbors or your work
place to find out about you. Good Luck, and Happy New Year. Rader

[KandisTX]

I actually have some experience with this very topic. My daughter (step) began asking questions about what I was wearing under my t-shirt, we managed to stave off her curiosity for a couple years by telling her that it was something I wore to be more comfortable. Of course, once she reached puberty, and had to start wearing a bra of her own, her questions began to increase in frequency. We spoke with her father, who has known about my crossdressing since we basically met back in 1995, and he said that if she asked again, we should ask her what she thinks it is, and whether she is right or not, we should tell her the truth, and tell her ALL about my crossdressing. To make a long story short, she brought it up by saying "I think I have figured out what you are wearing under your t-shirts". When I asked her what she thought it was, she said "You're wearing a bra, a ladies bra". SHE took it all quite well, and of course we eventually told her brother as well, but she was the first to learn about it all.

I would recommend making the decision based upon their ages, maturity levels, and whether or not all parents agree (if they all know), that it is okay to tell them. You wouldn't want them to start blabbing around school that "my daddy wears dresses", which can happen if their maturity level is not shall we say "up to par".

[Rachel Morley]

I agree with Kandis when she says "I would recommend making the decision based upon their ages, maturity levels, and whether or not all parents agree".

In my situation, I did, and still do, wear quite a lot of fairly obvious girls clothes in boy mode. When my step son was younger (like 10) I think he just thought I had a weird dress sense. One time he kinda leaned on me and partially hugged me and then stopped and said "you've got something strapped to your shoulder". I just blew it off by changing the subject and he never mentioned it again.

When he got older, like 16, my wife said she once heard him refer to me to his friends as his "gay step dad" (I'm assuming because of the way I dress in boy mode as we get on really well). The when he was about 18 we just decided to tell him straight out. When we did, he said "I kinda thought it was something like that" and we said why? ... and he said "well all those books you have. There's one called My Husband Wears My Clothes and there's another one about someones husband being called Betty"

It's quite surprising just how nonchalant (or broad-minded) kids are today

[Rogina B]

It will all work out as kids lose interest when the newness wears off.My 9 yr old daughter wanted to go out shopping with Rogina before Christmas and was ticked when i wouldn't let her.And the reason for not taking her was that she wasn't ready to pretend that i am Aunt Rogina[her father's sister..lol] in public. So,it is a progression of acceptance from kids and I hope it will help her better accept the differences in others.

[melissacd]

In my case, one day when my girlfriend and I were coming home to her house (I was in femme mode) we were surprised by her teenage son showing up at the same time. The cat was out of the bag, however, he was quite okay with it. At that point we decided to let her daughter know as well. Over time their friends, our friends and our family on both sides have come to know about this side of me. Most have seen me dressed up. It seems that not only children, but most people are fine with it.

[Starla]

Never had kids, but others that I have known who do have suggest that younger kids have an easier time accepting it. After all, if they are at the age where they themselves like to play "dress-up," it's not too shocking that maybe Daddy likes to also. If you wait until they are older to tell them, when there's a lot more on their plate (teenage angst, sorting out their own identity and personality, that obligatory "I hate my parents" stage, etc.), it may be more difficult to deal with.

I say let them in on it gradually starting early on, with information and explanation appropriate to their age and maturity level, with the obvious caveat that it's not something to be blabbed indiscriminately to their classmates, friends, or friends' parents. Much in the same vein as what I believe about telling a partner, I think the longer you wait to tell them, the greater the potential for it not to be accepted well.

[Jill Devine]

Tough one pinky. I agree that you should wait until they are old enough to process it all, i.e. Teenagers at least. My eldest daughter knows (told her when she was 14) but our younger boys don't know yet. Each child is different and only you know your kids. You will know when they are ready.

[AKAMichelle]

Sounds like you need to have that talk with them. Just be honest and tell them the truth. They will be able to take the truth better than lies in the long run. Plus you already walk around in a skirt.

[Pinky188]

All good advice girls! Thank you all so much!!

[justbejulie2]

If you are already walking around in a skirt, and that's not a problem, I don't see the problem.
Fantastic for you!
Good luck.
I'm still totally in the closet, but been caught with "the door open" a couple of times. Not sure what to do about it with two teenage boys.
J.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

The best time for children to find out is when they are young, and certainly before they get to puberty themselves. The longer you delay telling them, the more deceived they will feel. Telling them during puberty is likely to leave them feeling that you have dumped it on them when they can least handle it and lead to resentment. Telling them after they've gone through puberty and reached adulthood is worse, because they will resent you for hiding it and not trusting them for so long.

My son has known since he was old enough to differentiate male and female, as I never hid it from him right from birth. At 7yo, he has no problem with it and will give his opinion of my presentation in the same way as my wife does.

[Roberta Marie]

Our 5 kids did not find out until they were older, the oldest was 30, the youngest 17, because I had recently come to understand this part of me better and came out to my wife. Our then 19 year old son walked into the house while I was dressed, preparing lunch for my wife and I. Our grandkids, 4 1/2 years - 6 months, have no problem with it, although I no longer dress in front of two of them at the request of our oldest daughter. To our kids I'm still Dad when I'm dressed, and Pap Paw to the Grandkids.

The first time our youngest son, then 18, was in public with me dressed, we were shopping at Kohl's. We had not yet discussed what he should call me. We were at the checkout, the young girl at the cash register ringing up our purchases, when our son, pointing to something, said loudly, "Hey Dad, look at that!" He realized that what he said seemed strange, and quickly got a bit embarrassed. The girl at the cash register just smiled and said, "That's cute." I think it helped my son when I paid with plastic, and the cashier asked to see my ID. I showed her my male driver's license with no embarrassment, and thanked her for checking, while my son looked on. We went on shopping and didn't say anything else about it until we got to McDonald's for breakfast and I told him, "I'm still your Dad, no matter how I'm dressed. But if your are uncomfortable calling me Dad, call me what you like." He still calls me Dad.

Grace,
Bobbi

[Noel Chimes]

After reading many of your comments and thoughts, I want to say congradulations to all of you who have been able to sit down with your children and discuss your dressing. However I am not one of those lucky ones. Over the summer my daughters (19 and 20) have come to live with me and my wife. And although my wife is supportive, she worries that one day everything will come to the light. I did sit down with the youngest and discuss with her the issue of cross dressing since she confided in me that she was bi-sexual. I felt that if she was going to be that open with me I should be open with her. (the truth will set you free). Her response was, " I don't want to see it". And with that the subject has been closed ever since. As for the older one we have only talked in general terms but nothing specific.
Now I am reduced to brief moments that I "steal" when everyone is gone and I can again be comfortable. I wish I could share this with my girls because I know that they would be a perfect source of information about everything I would need to look my best. But I don't ever see that happening anytime soon. And what's worse I have to keep "secrets" from them yet I want my girls to be able to come to me and discuss everything.

[Tiffany Kaye]

I'm just starting to deal with all of this in my home. My wife and I have talked substantially bout how to deal with it, so I'm really gald to see so much input from others who have done this already. My oldest son is going to be 5 in February and he is pretty astute. I've always thought that I could get by with most of my clothing around him and my 2 year old. The week after Christmas he put those thoughts to an end when I bent over to pick something up and he noticed my underwear poking out of the tops of my sleep shorts. He kept asking me about it and saying I was wearing 'mommy underwear'. it finally took my wife saying that lots of people wear lots of different underwear and it is okay, but we don't talk about the things that people wear because it isn't polite. He is a good and generally nice boy, so he said sorry and dropped it. I suppose it could have been worse, but I was certainly at a loss until my clear thinking spouse stepped in. I'm sure this is only the beginning.

[greenleaf]

You're insperation for me as I have 2 kids and both of them dont know yet.

[Ann Thomas]

I agree with those that say take it slowly for a variety of reasons:

I have two kids, one knows, the other doesn't yet. I chose to tell my son when he turned 18 and was glad I did, as it turns out he was already experimenting with it himself.

My daughter is a different story. After my son turned 18, and 3 days before my daughter's 17th birthday, their mom (my ex) was killed in a car accident. That made things much more complicated, as immediately my daughter then came to live with my current (unsupportive of my crossdressing) wife and myself. My daughter has noticed things off and on, according to my wife, as I've tried to keep it hidden, but one day she said in an emotional moment, "Dad, you can't replace mom!" That's the crux of it at this point - for her I need to wait for her to heal more and realize my answer is true, "No one can replace your mom, not me, not your step-mom, nor anyone else."

I waited so many years after the divorce, due to how much animosity there was from my ex towards myself. I thought she'd possibly use my crossdressing as a reason to stop my kids from seeing me, either through emotional manipulation or legally.

So, things have been very complicated for me in dealing with each person. Al the best to you in your situation.

Hugs,
Ann