Do I have to have a label ?- I like to have sex with some women sometimes. I like to have sex with some men sometimes. I like to dress and feel feminine some times.
Is that ok to leave it at that ?
Do I have to have a label ?- I like to have sex with some women sometimes. I like to have sex with some men sometimes. I like to dress and feel feminine some times.
Is that ok to leave it at that ?
I have to disagree with your statement about women being turned off by bi guys. If you are unaware, there are communities of (mostly) females who love gay and bisexual men and write stories and make art about them. This genre is called "slash" and in Japan is known as "yaoi" or "boys love" and is extremely popular, particularly among Japanese animation fans. Kirk/Spock is the fictional pairing that is considered to have started slash, back when the original Star Trek was on.Originally Posted by Sophie_C
Fans of this genre have many websites dedicated to their interest in creating pairings out of fictional characters (from tv, books, movies, etc) and even from real people like actors. There are also many books and comics about these gay and bisexual men. As a GG who loves slash and yaoi, I should know, because I have a sizable collection of Japanese yaoi comics! In the US, there is even an annual convention dedicated solely to yaoi. Japan has similar events and I'm pretty sure some other countries do as well.
Yaoi has grown significantly in popularity, as more comic artists and writers from all over the world release their own books about gay and bisexual men. When I first got into it 10 years ago, there was not as much information or published material, but I feel it's safe to say that has multiplied ten-fold in America. Look in the comics and manga (Japanese comics) section of any bookstore. There are hundreds of comics labeled yaoi or boys love, many sealed in plastic wrap!
It might not be a totally mainstream opinion, but there are many, many women who are interested in or obsessed with romantic and sexual relationships between men.
People think I am gay and you know they are right
i'm so gay and don't care who know's it and i'm Canadian "Eh"!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I am not "afraid" that I might be thought of as gay at all. I have some great friends who are, and I know I am not. However, some of our CD community are, as you would expect statistically, and so I don't see any problem when the situation suggests it of stating my sexual preferences.
For those who are not CD, and definately for our SOs, there is a concern out there that being CD means you are gay. When we clearly are not, I see no problem with saying so. If I were gay, I would happily proclaim so - I suspect that my wife would rather I were gay rather than a hetero CD!
It is a sad state of affairs where, in a situation where the boundaries can be blurred, to state that "I am not gay" is seen as homophobic. To take the oint about positive verus negative statements, maybe we should say "I am heterosexual" instead. I happen not to like seafood that much... When faced with a choice of seafood in a restaurant, I will quite easily say "I am afraid I don't like seafood". It is a statement of fact... maybe, in order not to offend those who like seafood and who may be offended by people coming out in the open so forcefully on such an issue, I should say "actually I like a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k...etc.." and just omit "seafood"... I suspect I would then get asked... "and how about seafood?".
For the record... I am not gay. I just like dressing up as and impersonating women. I like to experience as closely as I can what it would be like to be a woman (and yes, if I could do childbirth that would be good too). I also like me being a guy who is very turned on by women. I have no desire to have surgery to transition fully, though I understand why people do. I am not gay, though I understand those that are. I am just me... and trying to figure out who "me" is requires me to make statements and question things...
I am not afraid to be thought of as gay... but others could be afraid, or at least be concerned, that I were.
So... I am not "not gay". I am heterosexual... I like to have sexual relationships with women and I am not sexually attracted towards men...
But then when fully in Kaz mode it gets more complicated!
Kaz xx
__________________________________________________ ____________
This Woman Within is Flying without Wings
I think that is a good explaination as to why some of us would and do try to point out that we are not gay.
And I suspect , there are a lot of guys who like lesbian movies, but probably wouldn't admit it. I don't watch gay movies, they don't interest me in the least, but I do like a good lesbian movie. "Bound" and "Imagine me and you" are too very opposite and good films, one a crime film, one a coming out , feel good movie.
Pehaps the time will come when there are "crossdressing clubs" just there are gay clubs and then CDs will have a place to go and not have to worry about labels and perhaps not feeling at ease in the gay/lesbian clubs.
Where are the wealthy crossdressers to starts some clubs? Maybe a government grant? A novel idea instead of studying horney toads, eh?
There was a time when I worried about this. And to be sure, some people thought it. Then I had a stunning revelation: what other people think of me has no bearing on my life. I know, right?
People make judgments about other people every single day. You see people in the grocery store or the mall or the stadium, and thoughts pop into your head. Does it really matter to them what you think? Of course it doesn't.
So why all the fear about the opinions of people who simply don't matter to you anyway?
I'm not sure what makes 2 women any less homosexual than 2 men, really. Lesbian flicks ARE gay porn. You watch gay porn, and refuse to admit it. Far be it from me, of course, to suggest there's anything wrong with that! :D
I do think far more people are bi-curious than will ever admit to it, however. A perusal of tranny pages on Flickr, for example, will quickly disabuse anyone of the notion that "95% of trannies are straight."
A lot of people still believe heterosexuality is the norm, even when presenting yourself as the opposite sex. Which is funny, because I will be transitioning from a Gay Male to a Straight Female. For the first time in my life, I will be considered heterosexual. I just have to change genders to do it.
And once again, I watch where the thread will lead to answer the OP.. and I still find myself wondering why it is considered 'homophobic' to say "Im not gay". So when the lyrics are sang "I a woman, hear me roar" is really saying "I'm manophobic"?????
I had to tell my 25 yr daughter about this thread earlier because its similiar to what her sister and I had to deal with. It seemed that no matter the topic or if she started the topic, my 25 yr old would make a comment "well I'm bi and....." "I don't see it that way cuz I'm bi..." So it wasn't surprising that both my youngest and I had to tell her "enough..enough..we get it..your bi..we don't need to be reminded 24/7 or have it stated to justify something" We didn't see anything wrong with her being bi, but come on..it does not fit into all conversations..
Now how does that fit into this thread..well it doesn't.. but I have to point out that she was just stating who she is..bi..
Some of these threads begin with certain 'given' stipulations..and if you try to answer without additional info, you give the wrong impression of yourself. So yes, sometimes its appropriate to state "I'm straight", "I'm bi", or "I'm not gay". Its not being said in a homophobic manner.. are there homophobics amongst us???? yes.. but as all things, especially here..don't mix us all up in one bowl.
I asked a 'straight' cd what she thought of one of my pics...her response "I'm straight so I don't know"...now go figure that one..I wasn't asking her if she found me sexy...just her opinion of my looks.. So in a way, I understand there are some folks like that, but I would never group them as whole.
If for some reason I felt a need to clarify that I"m bi, I would..and if that meant "I'm not gay" had to be said, then I would..and homophobic is not the thought.. I take it in the same manner that I clarify I'm Hispanic..when its needed..otherwise, I'm just a person from the great state of Texas :D
And just because I desire men as much as I desire women, does not make me gay..it makes me bi.. and dang proud..
Marissa
"You better look hard and look twice,
...is that me, baby or just a brilliant disguise?"- The Boss
Nobody has to justify their sexuality to anyone.we are what we are! I'm gay by the way lol
I f I was gay I wouldn't care if I was called gay cause I am who I am..But I am not and I cannot stand to be called something I am not..Like being called a liar, cheat, snart,stupid, normal ..You get the point..Its not whats stocked its how its stocked when I cash a check I want to stand by it..
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
Most crossdressers love men or at least have fantasies about being with a handsome man that will hold her, protect her and make her feel petite feminine and girly. CDs are women born with mens bodies. It takes time for them to accept their attraction towards men just as it takes time for them to have the confidence to go out en femme. Men love to see a CD in stockings and heels and spoil her
Please do! I love being called a girl or woman or ma'am or miss
Just don't call me dude. I HATE that!
I guess its because some of us just don't understand something about our own sexuality that makes us confused and scared about being thought of as gay, because really some of us don't know.
and besides no offense to anyone but in my opinion a heterosexual male to female crossdressers is like saying "a fighter jet with no weapons" which is possible but then again you are like "what?" Yes a lot of us are straight mtf and ftm but i personally believe that there are more bi and gay mtf and ftm.
We either comfortable with who we are or not, "labels" notwithstanding.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
Why be divisive.
I generally just don't worry about what people think. I was always taught by my parents and again in therapy years ago that if someone was to think something about me and call me a name or whatever that they must be see that in themself or else they could not identify it.
At for the gay and CD cummunity. I really think the wise thing to do is to support and see the positive things in each others cummunity. Lets face it we are both a minority. If one of us drops the ball and gets negative it hurts us all. When we bind together, we will all be stronger and the closer we come to acceptence.
About myself, well I here, I am a CD, and I'm straight. I love the feel of womens cloths on me.
I'm me a CD and I don't worry about the other persons opion unless I think it's going to get physical, so far never happened.
Yes at one point in thier lives they told people they were Gay. They never told me I just figured it out in getting to know them. What they diddn't do was declare their sexuallity by saying "I am not Straight" My point is this. If Heterosexual Crossdressers would declare their sexuality (if they felt the need to) By saying something like Gender and Sexuality are seperate and I happen to be Straight. I doubt there would be an Issue.I am not....really going to get too deep in this as it has been discussed many time before here. My biggest issue with CD's spouting "I am not gay" is that they then wonder why the gay community won't help them out.
Saying "I am not gay" is appropriate when you are asked if you are and if you want to date or if your doctor needs to know. Telling people at a restaurant isn't.
Well if this isn't just so...hypocritical. Somewhere along the line these people told everyone they knew they WERE gay. And I know a good many who broadcast it at every chance. We all don't go around wearing our preference on our sleeves just as many gays don't but this seems sort of elitist. You already said your friends were gay, so either they told you or you are guessing. Now repeating this over and over is annoying and one would wonder if when this happened to them it was more a reinforcement meant for the speaker to convince themselves they really weren't gay.
education. Maybe repeating we are not gay will someday convince the world...we are not all gay.
The prevailing statement is I\we are not Gay the difference is very subtle but very powerful.
As far as the friend I was refering to. He is a wig maker and stylist and has many Crossdressers as clients. He was speaking from personal experience. not being the type to declare wis sexuality you can imagine why he would get upset. "thanks for the wig and all the help and safe nonjudgemental enviornment..... Just so you know I am \ we are not Gay!" In other words not like you because it would be terrible if people thought that.
Last edited by DaphneGrey; 01-15-2011 at 03:20 PM.
To answer your question, No he wasn't making a sweeping generalization he was speaking from personal experience. He is a wig maker/stylist and has more than a couple crossdressers as clients.Perhaps if your thread was entitled "Why are we so afraid of being wrongly stereotyped" then you might have answered your own question
I can't say that I've noticed the issue as you describe it but like just about every other married crossdresser I've been asked point blank by my wife if I was Gay and related the conversation on this forum. I can most relate to those posters whose circumstances are most similar to mine so I'm OK with people stating whether they are married/single gay/straight/bi/retired/still-deciding or whatever.
Have the comments you have seen been perjorative against the Gay posters or 'bashing' them in any way? Because I'd agree with you that that should be dealt with immediately.
I don't think that you can criticise people for stating which particular crossdressing pigeonhole they fit in when you yourself have told us which boxes you would tick on your CD application form :D And that isn't a criticism of you, it simply illustrates the fact that we all have a view of which pigeonhole we fit in so-to-speak and we tend to correct people if they make a mistaken assumption.
Finally - and before this morphs into a Seinfeld episode (Not that there's anything wrong with that) isn't your friends comment about hetersexual CDers "They are always going on about not being Gay" a sweeping generalisation? I would have thought that the Gay community has spent too long fighting against stereotyping to resort to using it?
Zoe
It's because most of society automatically considers us to be gay. Sure, people who are already in the vast 'gender continuum' know otherwise, but the first thing that goes through a straight woman's mind when she suddenly is surprised by seeing her SO in female clothing is, 'Is he gay?'.Why does someone feel the need to say that "I am not gay." when no one brought up that subject.
I have enough trouble finding women to date (and avoiding male sexual interest), dealing with the fact that I work in a predominantly female profession, where men who work here are automatically considered gay; I don't need any further confusion on that matter.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 01-15-2011 at 09:59 AM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
i have not found a way to include "i am not gay" in any of my postings. (except here) i am not and do not want to be labeled as. but just like other parts of my life i keep under the radar anyhow. and i am sure many out in the world thought of me as a homosexual. and never said a word. there problem not mine.
.
I'm not gay, just my boyfriend is :P
What I think is the problem with this stereo type is with dressing being out of the "social norm" (in most peoples eyes), the only reason you want to be dressed as a woman is because you want men. Many male/female couples in the world (along with male/male female/female). With the ways and understandings of most peoples ways of life, when you step back and look, it is easy to see why someone would associate a crossdresser with being gay, mainly because of the "most woman want to be with men" thought, so naturally if you dress the role of a woman, the first reaction is you are "man hunting". Now given the fact this isnt true for a good percentage of crossdressers, its a stereotype we will always have an uphill battle for.
Personally I don't care what people think of my sexuality. When asked I tell them I am attracted to the person on the inside, I like them for who they are, their warmth, compassion, etc. The gender of who this is with doesn't matter to me. Another thing that doesn't help is the lack of people standing up and speaking out on the issues openly. I'm not all saying you need to write the newspaper, tell everyone you pass, or caring a sign saying "STRAIGHT CROSSDRESSER". But if you are confidant to speak on the issue, openly discuss it. Try to make people understand what it feels like to be in the role of someone like us. To get the best understanding we have to work together and not whine about the subject, but merely openly discuss and correctively teach others that dressing has 0% bearing on sexuality. Just my opinion
My wife occasionally plays the gay card because I like to wear a dress. Occasionally insinuations in social events the subject arrives on the table, personnaly I dont not want to be in the situation that "my lady protests too much". Just because I know how to sew, make a dress cut out cloth and comment on appearance just means I have a modicum of taste. My mother was a great seemstress and made all of the clothes for me and my siblings and when my sister was not around I used to model the clothes to get the cut right.
Besides that mens dangly bits are just ugly.... ewee
I suppose that catagorizes me a just a lesbian, so in that case yes I am gay..
Kassey xxx
I think its worth pointing out the common dating advice to straight crossdressers on this site is to hide it from your potential partners presumably in case the think its gay. I understand practicality of this advice but does reinforce everyone's (including cds) expectations.
And if you fail to find an accepting female many recommend trying men.
Are crossdressers predominatly bi? I'm not so sure. Perhaps bi cds just have less to lose and more to gain in being perceived as gay? Therefore they have a higher profile online. Any thoughts?
-=CherryZips=-
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